Meanderings of the Mind

A disaster or not?

2007-06-05T19:17:00.000-04:00

From the time I got up this morning, my day has gradually been deteriorating in quality. I had a niggling headache when I woke up. That wasn't abnormal since I've been battling migraines for the last week. By the time I got out of class, it was a full-blown, rip-roaring migraine. I allowed myself the rare luxury of calling in sick to work. I tried to sleep it off along with dosing myself with my trusty Excedrin Migraine. I'm now down to a dull throb and the room no longer tilts when I get up.

Since I've been working and going to school full time, my culinary exploits have been few and far between. Besides, I only brought the most basic cookware with me to Chattanooga while the rest sits all lonely and unused in my attic back home in Kentucky. So when I saw this roast on sale at Wal-Mart, I thought longingly of Sunday dinners at my Mom's. So I decided to purchase it, and it's now sending out a lovely aroma.

I decided I also would make some cream cheese fruit dip for the peaches I bought. I guess my brain is still on ice because, before I realized it, I had put twice as much sugar in as I normally do. I was hoping the cool whip would cut the sweetness some. Not enough. What to do? I hate when things are disgustingly sweet--like frosting. So I rummaged through my cupboard and came across some pumpkin. Now pumpkin is fairly tart so this might work. So I whipped in the pumpkin and added some ginger and cinnamon. Ok, it was better, but who wants pumpkin fruit dip? It tasted very similar to a lovely pumpkin torte I like to make so I went ahead and made a graham cracker crust and spread the filling over it. The jury is still out as it sits chilling in the refrigerator.

Mi profesor

2007-06-04T11:48:00.001-04:00

I delight in the off-beat humor of my Spanish professor. Every day he gives us these little nuggets of his personal philosophy on life. He claims he tells us these things "to fix in your brain the concept of..." I think he just loves to tell stories and to make us laugh.

Because of his Catholic upbringing, he constantly pokes fun of the Catholic religion and especially the pope. He claims that the Catholics contribute to poor economies by having too many children which is caused by not using birth control. He says, "Abstinence does not work because the Catholics have baby factories; they are called matresses."

He also gave me the secret to the large families in my own religious background. He says, "Give them TV's and they no have babies. They no have TV's, they have lots of babies."

All Things Español

2007-05-19T12:04:00.000-04:00

I am already 2 weeks into my summer semester and thoroughly enjoying it. I told my boss that I'm starting to feel more like my normal self. It's no longer an effort to be pleasant and joyful.
The class I'm taking is Spanish. Although I didn't have a choice, I was leery about taking this as a summer class because learning another language in 6 weeks didn't seem very doable. I really want to retain what I learn since it's such a necessity with our rapidly changing cultural mix. I've already had 2 non-English-speaking Hispanic patients. It's quite frustrating to be unable to communicate.

My professor is what makes the class a pure delight. He loves to tell stories, and sometimes I leave with an aching jaw from laughing and smiling so much for an hour and a half. He freely admits everybody thinks he's loco. Initially, I didn't think I was going to be able to catch on because his accent was so strong (Costa Rican) and he "wasted" so much time telling stories and joking with us that we were never going to learn the lesson. Yet, when the first week was up, and it was time for a test, I found that I actually knew the material. I have even gotten used to the accent to the point where I only occasionally miss what he is saying.

He loves to poke fun at religion and politics, and his sense of humor can be a bit ribald at times. However, when he suddenly realized he had a mujer mennonita in his class, he became a bit more cautious. The day after his discovery, he told the class how he was severely discriminated against when he first tried to get a job in this country in the 70's. He lost his respect for "christians" because he believes christianity should be a religion of love, yet they treated him like he was a dog. Only Methodists and Mennonites were an exception. He said Methodists are a religion of equality, and Mennonites believe it is their mission to help people. Now I have become Sarita because, as he pointed out to the class, adding 'ita' to somebody's name is a term of respect; and I am bueno and a person to be respected.

I decided on Wednesday (my day off) that I was going to immerse myself in all things Español as I studied. So I've been listening to Selena while driving. I rented several Spanish foreign films. Then I made some enchiladas. I don't drink tequilla, so I'm sticking to agua. Now I'm actually starting to understand some of the words in the music and the films.

I Passed

2007-05-02T14:08:00.001-04:00

Thanks to all of you for thinking about me and for your prayers these last several weeks. It's not a pretty thing to doubt your abilities or your intelligence. I have gained a new-found appreciation for the feelings of students for whom learning is difficult. (Too bad I'm not teaching any more.) I also know what it feels like to be driven to the very limits of your endurance stress-wise. I felt like something had to either give or I was going to crack. I did pass all my exams, and my confidence has been restored.

I did find out some information contributing to the "tightening down" of the nursing school. The nursing school is rated on it's first-pass rate of the graduates on the NCLEX, and four of the December graduates did not pass. Although they probably wouldn't admit it, I think the raising of the passing requirements and narrowing of the grade ranges are partially a reaction to that. There is a particularly high level of concern for my class since we will be the first to fall victim to the new NCLEX exams which are much harder. Statistically the pass rate drops whenever the NCLEX changes.

I will be quitting my job this summer since I won't be able to work and do my preceptorship for the fall semester. This is very scarey for me. I have never been unemployed since I graduated from high school 17 years ago. Given my adversity to debt, I'll be living very frugally for the next 6 months or so. I have resigned myself to the fact that I may have to take out a student loan if I something goes wrong and I start scraping bottom. I have determined I shall enjoy my time of unemployment. I wonder if I'll feel like a slacker.

I Feel Like...

2007-04-28T00:11:00.000-04:00

...a heart must feel in Cardiac Tamponade

...a lung must feel in a tension pneumothorax

...a cyst that is about to rupture

...the brain when the CSF pressure is greater than 200 mm H2O and a lumbar puncture is performed

No more clinicals

2007-04-21T00:10:00.000-04:00

Today was the last day of clinicals for the semester. In reflection, the highlight this semester was definitely the ICU and the ER.

ICU was so intense and there was always something happening even though I had only one patient and my nurse had two patients at the most. It was totally fascinating to see the major complications you read about in the text books but don't usually get to see on the regular floors. It was quite a let down to return to floor nursing when there would be long periods of time when I had nothing to do despite the nurse having 6 patients. If I hadn't been able to help with all 6 patients, I would have gone stir crazy.

My ER experience was last week. I haven't really decided if I'd want to work there or not. It's certainly different when you have patients who have signs and symptoms, but no formal medical diagnoses. All the regular clinical rotations we have patients assigned and you must prepare, prepare, prepare. You go in knowing the patho of the medical diagnosis intimately, so it's a switch going into a situation where there is nothing "known" about a patient. It's like solving a mystery. I think after I've got some experience under my belt, I might really enjoy working as an ER nurse.

Several things stood out in the ER. I had my first opportunity to start an IV. I was 2 for 2 and so elated about it. Of course, when I started the first one, I was so elated that I forgot to occlude the vein when I withdrew the needle and blood just spurted everywhere. Fortunately, my patient was the coolest. She said she had to learn to draw blood herself, and she didn't mind a bit being my first stick because she knew what it was like. She just laughed at my blunder. She kindly said I was really good because I didn't hurt her at all. She hardly even felt it. The second one was an African American so it was a lot harder to see the vein, but I got it on the first try and even remembered to occlude!

The second thing that stood out for me was being in the trauma unit when 4 traumas came in at the same time or within minutes of each other. I now know what it means to "fire" on a patient. It was amazing how they can scrounge up so many doctors since each patient has a team. It is so intense from the time the chopper arrives. I went to help bring down a patient from the first chopper which brought in 2 patients. We had security to ride with us and hold our elevators. We had to stop once in the hallway to reassess a patient's lungs, and nobody had a stethoscope except the student (me)! DUH! Since I had the first patient, I got to watch the chaos get even more chaotic as each patient came in. Everybody was shouting this or that and the nurse had to be charting everything that was going on while the doctors were assessing and other nurses were drawing blood from the femoral. I still haven't figured out why the femoral. Maybe it's the most easily accessible artery. Then there were all the x-ray techs with their machines hovering in the background and then pouncing as soon as they were given orders on what to x-ray. I got to see some really cool fractures. To sum it up, it was quite impressive.

It's sort of sad that my clinicals with my classmates are now over. Next semester will be preceptorship (assuming I get past these exams).

Just another statistic

2007-04-18T00:50:00.000-04:00

So today we had a couple of bomb threats to several of our buildings on campus, making us part of the statistics shared by 7 other states receiving bomb threats and subsequent evacuations in the wake of the tragedy at Virginia Tech. Fortunately, I was not in one of those buildings so I just read the e-mails and calmly kept working on my research proposal. I guess that's one of the advantages of the nursing school being located in one of the buildings isolated from the mainstream of campus life.

Fishing in Toilets

2007-03-30T21:02:00.001-04:00

At Erlanger, the nurses have these phones they carry with them. I've noticed that in the restrooms there are these plastic file-type boxes on the walls that say "Place phone here. Do not drop phone in toilet." Now you know for this to be an issue, there must have been some "incidents." I wonder who got to fish them out.

Pros and Cons

2007-03-25T01:38:00.000-04:00

I have only 5 weeks and 1 day left in this semester. Or to be more exact, I have 3 clinicals, 11 lectures, 10 exams, 2 critiques, 1 case study, 1 research proposal, and 1 presentation left in this semester.

The weighty decisions I must make at the end of the year seem to loom ever larger.

I plan to practice for two years before I make a decision about going back for my master's degree as a nurse practitioner. The three choices I'm seriously debating are 1) staying here for 2 years, 2) moving to Nashville which is only 40 miles from home, or 3) moving to Harrisonburg, VA. Each has it's benefits and it's drawbacks.

On the pro-Chattanooga side, I would like to work at the local hospital because I'm already familiar with it. It has 7 ICU's, as well as multiple floors which would give me plenty of areas to choose from. It's also connected to the Children's hospital if I should decide to go in the pediatric direction. Yet, it's not so large that you need a map to find your way around. Ok, so maybe I did get a little lost initially and still do when I have to venture into a new area. I would also have the advantage of having a relationship with all the nursing school professors which would give me an edge for being accepted into the nurse practitioner program. Since I'd actually have some free time after I graduate, it's a happening place in which to do things I haven't gotten to do yet. I've got some great friends here with whom I'd love to spend quality time. I've got a fairly nice apartment in a good location for a decent price.

On the con-Chattanooga side, there is no Mennonite church nearby, and I'm so ready to be closer to my "own kind." I can't hang out with my family very often. The pollen here is the second worst in the country making it a detrimental place for allergies.

On the pro-Nashville side, I would be closer to home and my family since it's only 40 miles away. I could apply to get into the practitioner program at Vanderbilt as soon as I chose to because they accept you right out of nursing school without any experience. They have many different practitioner specialties to choose from. Plus, they've already sent me recruitment letters. Vanderbilt hospital would pay for 70% of my tuition if I worked there while going to school. Appealing to my prideful nature is the prestige associated with going to Vanderbilt.

On the con-Nashville side, it would be a pain having to drive 40 miles to church. It's a bigger city, thus, bigger traffic issues to deal with. I hate the thought of having to find an apartment and I really dislike moving. The 30% tuition that I'd have to come up with is a ridiculous amount--approximately $30K for 1 year. I'd be right back into the disheartening stressful life-situation of working and going to school at the same time. And I'm just a little bit afraid that if I get that close to home, I'll get stuck in a rut and never leave again which is not my ultimate goal.
On the pro-Virginia side, I would be closer to my one and only niece. It would be sort of venturesome to move somewhere where I don't really know anybody which sort of appeals to me. I'd be more motivated to achieve my goal to travel to distant places around the globe since I wouldn't have those strong family ties holding me back.

On the con-Virginia side, I would be far away from the majority of my family. The cost of living is higher in Virginia. I hate the thought of having to find an apartment and I really dislike moving. I haven't really looked, but I'll bet I'd have to pay state taxes. It's really scarey to go into a new Mennonite community when you don't know anybody.

Oh help, what am I to do?

Half Way Through

2007-02-28T00:09:00.000-05:00

Here it is the end of February, and I'm still trying to catch my breath from diving into the semester. It's almost midnight and I'm about half way through the material I need to have assimilated into my brain by tomorrow. Blogging is such a good procrastination tool. As of this week, I'm in the second half which is quite astounding considering I just started this semester the other day.

I was really dreading my current rotation because I always dread things that intimidate me. And why am I intimidated? Because my current clinical professor makes it her business to intimidate us at the very beginning and because of the acuity level of my patients. I'm in my ICU rotation. Like usual, things aren't ever as bad when you're actually doing them as my level of trepidation would indicate. I actually like this professor quite a bit and I've taken to the ICU like a duck to water. So now I have yet another direction to focus on. Then I think of having to be ACLS qualified which involves intubating patients, running codes....oh help!

I'm totally awestruck at how things can go awry with the body. Septic shock has always just been a textbook scenario to me. Now I have real live images to live forever in my brain to associate with it. It's amazing the downward spiral of the health with the invasion of a pheochromocytoma. I can now do trach care with only minor inner tremors, and I no longer panic when I accidently knock the vent off the trach--I just calmly hook it back up. I'm beginning to develop nerves of steel. At least, until I face the next crisis.

Speaking of tremors, this intimidating professor who seems totally unflappable was speaking to us of the delicate task of performing a patient's first trach care and how she always faces that task with trepidation because of what can go wrong. A new trach is not changed out until 24 hours after it's initial insertion. So my first day in the ICU, my nurse offered that I could do trach care on one of her other patients. Of course, I was all enthused about learning a new procedure. It never dawned on me until I was almost through that I was doing his FIRST trach care. The telltale stitches and the little gush of blood when I pulled out the trach never gave me the slightest qualm. Then one of her comments sunk in and I realized this was a brand new trach. Of course, by that time I had the new one inserted and was cleaning up. I felt a bit weak-kneed at the thought, but fairly proud of myself at the same time. I'm just glad I didn't know.

So that's what's been happening in my life recently. Oh yes, President Bush was at Erlanger last week which is where I'm doing my clinicals. The nurses were all abuzz about the bomb-sniffing dogs, etc.

Another week gone

2007-01-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

I feel this absurd need to either update or discontinue my blog so here goes--

I'm still alive.

I enjoyed my clinicals this week, mostly because I had a sweet patient and a wonderful nurse to work with.

I'm still terrified of making medication errors.

I despair of every being able to retain the knowledge I should have, and I've only got a year left to do it.

I know this sounds pathetic, but my only goals for tomorrow are to sleep late, take the trash to the dumpster, and leave for work in time to get gas. Considering I have an exam and a research project due next week (neither of which has been touched), I'm rather dismayed at my total apathy.

That being said, I'm dragging my weary, sleep-deprived body off to bed.

I'm a senior!

2007-01-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

It seems amazing that I'm a college senior. I'm actually going to graduate this year. A year from now, hopefully, I'll have a job as a real nurse.

I'm only taking 13 hours this semester, but I've already had serious doubts in my abilities. Sometimes I think they deliberately try to intimidate you the first week. After that first week, I'm so entrenched in trying to keep my head above water that I don't really have time to analyze anything.

Fortunately, I only have one class of great medical importance. It's my Med-Surg II class, and we're starting out with the immune system. We have a lovely professor who loves to simplify things and give us ways to remember things.

I have a research class which I'm not enthused about. The thing I hate most about researching is coming up with a topic. And horror of horrors, we'll be having to actually use statistics. HELP! This will be my least favorite professor. She's one of those professors to whom you can explain exactly what it is you are wanting to know, and they just don't get it. Then when I submit something, she writes all over it in her red ink concerning exactly the requirement I was questioning her about in the first place! GRRR

My third lecture class is on Professional nursing--Management. Shouldn't be too difficult, but we have these group projects of which I'm not a big fan. But I do like my professor.

Then we have clinicals. They both thrill and terrify me. For some reason, I felt like it was a huge adjustment taking care of an adult with multiple ailments after taking care of pediatrics and laboring mothers.

We were informed at our orientation that we would never know what kind of patient to expect because Erlanger is a teaching hospital and we get all the trauma and people off the streets. We may hear of a tragedy in the news (gang fights, MVA's, domestic violence, etc.) only to find out that this is our patient. We may find policemen guarding a room or find a patient handcuffed to the bed. We were promised that we wouldn't have to actually take care of those patients.

We will get a full 12 hour day in the ER and on a Friday, no less. I'm looking forward to that one.

We are the first ever nursing class to be allowed to work in the cath lab and actually help with procedures.

We have 4 weeks in the various ICU's (Erlanger has 7). We have 8 weeks on the floor minus 1 week for ER and 1 week for Cath lab.

The problem with clinicals is that we have to go the day before to pick up our patient information and go research all the pathophysiology on any ailment the patient has. We need to know all the labs that are out of line and their significance. And, of course, we'd better know each and every drug and its side effects (this is the hardest one for me).

So last Wednesday, I left right after class to go get my patient information since I had to go to work yet. I had just located the chart when the doctor arrived and took it right out of my hands. He proceeded to sit down and chat with somebody for 15-20 minutes before even opening the chart. I waited around for 45 minutes and realized there was no way I was going to get that chart before I had to be at work. So I returned at midnight to discover that my patient had so many things going on with her that it took me an hour and a half just to copy down all her ailments, meds, and labs. I got home at 2:00a.m. and started looking up things. I finished at 4:00 a.m., took a 45 minute nap, and arrived back at the hospital at 6:30 for clinical. I got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep the next night, so I was totally wiped out this weekend. Today is the first I've really felt functional, and even now I could go right to bed.

So here's hoping that this week I get a patient with fewer things going on and a chance to actually look at the chart on Wednesday afternoon.

A New Year

2007-01-07T17:34:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache. So, after taking my shower, I canceled all plans for the day, grabbed my favorite blanket, and curled up on the couch. I slept until 3:00 p.m. and probably could have slept longer if not for the guilty feeling. Now I feel wonderful. I actually cooked for a change--cheese ravioli and garlic toast.

I had a wonderful time on my vacation hanging with my family. I traveled about 2,000 miles from here to Kentucky, to Kansas, back to Kentucky, and finally back to Tennessee. I was totally amazed at how much people change in about 8 years which was how long it had been since I had been to Kansas. For those who don't know, this was my high school stomping grounds. So I got to catch up with some old friends at Maria's wedding and, of course, a lot of enjoyable conversations with the cousins.

As much as I've enjoyed not having to study, I must now face the prospect of organizing all my supplies in preparation for class tomorrow morning. I hope that I can manage the stress better this time. I know I'll have to go into time conservation mode from the very beginning. Every minute counts for me.

I was evaluating my financial circumstances since I'll have to resign from my job this summer. I was a bit alarmed to see how much money I had spent last year. I wasn't paying much attention since I often went 2 months without catching up my checkbook which is not my normal thing. Under normal circumstances, I'm quite a stickler for tracking every penny as I spend it. So I'm going to make sure I am more aware this year of how much I'm spending and trying to see where I can cut corners. It's quite scarey for me to contemplate not having an income since I've not been without one since I graduated from high school. I really don't want to take out student loans, but I may be forced to do it this fall.

2007 will definitely be a life-changing year for me. I'm going to have to cling to God to get through it.

Vacation time is here

2006-12-25T00:21:00.000-05:00

I'm finally on vacation for real. I worked Saturday night until 11:00 then headed for Kentucky. When some of my coworkers heard I was driving all the way to Kentucky after work, they were rather alarmed. I told them that it really shouldn't be a big deal. I'd be there by 2:00 a.m. and I've been working until at least 3:00 a.m. for the last two weeks so my body is used to being up that late. They hadn't really thought about it that way but agreed I was right.

Of course, today I'm dead tired. You can't just come in at 2:00 in the morning and go to sleep. Sharon and I talked for 2-3 hours before we could settle down so it was a little hard to get up and go to church. Kris and Jo were already sleeping when I got here. Kris was a little peeved that we talked without her presence. It's a sister thing--you have to know everything that was said.

I've been totally enthralled by my niece who is a lot more responsive than when I saw her soon after she was born. I think 6 months (almost) is the perfect age. They don't have a fear of strangers and they coo and smile and just make you feel all warm and fuzzy.

As is normal with my family, our topics of conversation touched on the macabre. In particular, we discussed making wills in the event of our deaths and who would get custody of Selena should her parents expire. So now I must make it a priority to make a will because one never knows. I might not have a child for whom to arrange custody, but I do have my house which is as close as I get.

On my way up here last night/this morning, I got so totally sick of Christmas music. I've been listening to mostly Christmas music on my long 12 hours per night at work mixed in with some Josh Groban, Il Divo, Oprah, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Jeopardy, the news, and an occasional ESPN broadcast. So when I saw a highway sign about calling 511 for travel information, I did. I amused myself for about 45 minutes going through all the menu options for Tennessee then being transferred to the Kentucky system and going through that menu. I finally wearied of that and returned to Christmas music for the last 10 miles or so.

I'm already being bombarded with e-mails from next semester's professors, and I just can't make myself pay any attention to it. I've come about as close to being burned out as is possible without actually burning out. My favorite classmate told me she's come to the point where she just no longer cares about her grades as long as she passes. I must say, I'm almost there. Who wants to go to grad school anyway? I doubled my total number of B's this semester and I can't do more than just a minor wince.

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I actually developed hypertension this last semester. I decided I'm not invincible and my professors are right--it's just not healthy to work more than 20 hours (if that) while going to nursing school. Not that I can do anything about that for right now, but I do concede their point. Maybe with my reduced caffeine intake and my increased (hopefully) sleep time, I can push the BP back to a normal range for a couple of months before it gets crazy again.

Sigh of Relief

2006-12-13T12:57:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've been missing from the blogging world for a while. I've been in survival mode and blogging just wasn't on my list of survival mechanisms. The last two weeks have looked something like this--

Last regular exam on Monday; 2 finals on Wednesday, 1 final on Thursday, 1 final on Friday, and the last final on Monday; studied all night Tuesday and Thursday nights. God bless the UTC library for staying open all night during finals! Barnes & Nobel is a wonderful place to study since it's fairly quiet and you have Starbucks right there. I've turned into a caffeine junky. Has anybody tried the gingerbread latte? I highly recommend it.

As you can see, my world has been a little stressful. But I'm finally through finals. It's a relief, but the most relieving thing was coming home to find that my grade for the OB final was FINALLY posted. It's like one of my classmates said--" Have you ever known a grown woman to cry over a stupid test grade?" My whole class has been very worried about that final. Some even cried after we took it. It was that bad. And our whole semester rides on each final. I've never been so ecstatic over a B. My standards have definitely lowered.

On a brighter note, I got two unexpected scholarships in the mail. I was speaking to one of the professors after class one day about the schedule for next semester. It turns out that I will have two days which will interfere with my work schedule. One day I'll just have to go in to work late, but the other day involves 12 hour clinical which makes work impossible. It's a bit worrisome since we've been having overtime for months and months now and their not very lenient with letting you have off. I don't know how it will work out. So she told me the director had just told her that she had some money available if she knew of anybody that needed it. She gave her my name and I got it. I'm also in the running for a scholarship that I applied for recently.

And most exciting of all, one of the professors came into our class the other week to find out if we were interested in doing some clinicals in Jamaica either next summer or fall. We'll be working in a clincial attached to an orphanage. Am I interested??? Maybe just a teeny, weeny bit!!!!

Oh yes, I'm also working 12 hour days, 6 days a week now--3:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. Thank God, I only had my last final to deal with since the hours increased. I guess I'd better get at least one useful thing done before I go to work again. And I haven't even thought about Christmas shopping....

I got flu shot

2006-11-17T00:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, you medical personnel out there, let’s get some feedback here. I’ve had two flu shots in the previous 10 years. Both times, I got sicker with the flu than I’d ever been before. I cannot understand this. When I tell informed people this, I always get the same information I found on the internet tonight:

“There is a misconception that people can get influenza from getting the vaccine. This is not true. Most people have little or no reaction to the influenza vaccine. The vaccine is made from a killed virus and cannot cause influenza.

People who develop influenza-like illnesses after getting the vaccine may have been in contact with the influenza virus prior to immunization or may have come down with another circulating virus. After an influenza immunization, it takes 10 to14 days for your body to develop immunity. Therefore, it would be possible for someone to develop influenza before immunity develops if they are exposed around the time of vaccination.”

The first time, I decided that it must have been a fluke. But after that second shot, I was so sick I had to hang onto the wall every time I had to empty my guts into the commode. Whether the shot caused it or not, I decided I was not about to try it again. I have not had the flu since then. I’ve had more than my fair share of pharyngitis, laryngitis, and bronchitis several times a year—especially since moving into the allergy capital of the U.S. Not once did I get the flu.

Ok, so we were told by our professors that there is a new infection control JCAHO standard that requires hospitals, critical access hospitals, and long term care facilities to have their staff with close patient contact vaccinated for influenza beginning January 2007. This includes students and faculty in clinical. So, unless we get the vaccine, we cannot do clinicals. If we don’t do clinicals, we don’t pass. What to do?

I drug my feet about it until the flu shot was once again offered for free by my employer. So yesterday I rolled up my sleeve and took it, telling myself that being more medically informed now would surely help stave off the flu.

Guess what! Today, the arm where I got my shot has an area a little bigger than a quarter that is red, hard and definitely inflamed. I’ve had a roaring headache all day. I feel feverish and have the worst stomach cramps ever. As the day progressed, if I wasn’t on the commode emptying my guts out, I was walking around with my cheeks puckered with a will of iron. And this is only the first day after!

Have I been around sick people recently? Absolutely! I’ve been around them quite a bit in the last year. I’ve even been in the room of an MRSA patient who was so sick, his bones had disintegrated. Did I get sick? Not until now. So you tell me…does the flu shot give you the flu?

Just another clinical day

2006-11-09T21:40:00.000-05:00

So today I followed around this interesting pediatrician. She told me of her theory about the inability to console kids between 1 and 3 years of age with stranger anxiety. First of all, we are genetically related to the ape. Female apes will steal other female apes' babies. However, they won't steal them when they are nursing because they themselves aren't lactating so would be unable to feed them. Then after 2 or 3, they aren't cute any more so they don't steal them then either. So between weaning and the ugly stage, they are vulnerable to being stolen. So that's why kids between 1 and 3 cry unconsolably with strangers--it's the protective mechanism to make as much noise as possible so they won't be stolen.

After quizzing me extensively about the lifestyle of Mennonites, she thought she would make a great Mennonite lady. After all, she loves to cook and she used to sew her own clothing. After hearing about my dream to go on a medical mission to Africa, she thought it would be a great idea. She thinks she would be a great medical missionary. Except for one tiny detail--she's really not that religious.

The logistics of faith vs. no faith

2006-11-07T11:15:00.000-05:00

In some research on euthanasia, I came across this interesting quote:

"But what if something really important happens in the process of dying? If we hasten dying, we circumvent what might be an important process and risk a diminishment of the good attached. This is something it is impossible to know, which makes it difficult to decide the best action. Blaise Pascal, a 17th-century Catholic monk and mathematician, developed a decision-making scheme that can be useful in such circumstances of uncertainty. Pascal's most well-known application of his theory was his argument in favor of faith in the existence of the god described in the Judeo-Christian tradition. If God does not exist, he reasoned, having faith or no faith is of no consequence. On the other hand, if God does exist, having faith and living accordingly will be greatly rewarding whereas having no faith will be catastrophic. Therefore, based on the risk associated with lack of faith and on the comparatively small burden associated with having faith, it is best to cultivate faith in God and live according to God's laws."

Day, Lisa. "Questions concerning the goodness of hastening death." American Journal of Critical Care 15.3 (May 2006): 312(3). Health Reference Center Academic. Thomson Gale. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. 7 Nov. 2006

clinical stories

2006-11-02T13:55:00.000-05:00

Since I don't go anywhere except work and school, the only thing I have to write about are more clinical stories. So here goes...

Last week was the end of my pediatrics rotation. I spent the day in the PICU which is always interesting. To clinch the interesting cases, I observed what happens when the hospital loses power. As you can imagine, kids in the PICU are hooked up to all kinds of machines, including ventilators for the majority of them. So no power equals no air for these kids. I have never seen people move so fast in my life. Before I could blink twice, those nurses were all over those kids, hooking them up with air via ambu bags. The back up power kicked in within 15 to 20 seconds, but the intensity level didn't drop for several minutes. One of the vents malfunctioned so they had to go on battery power for that child. But the kids never even noticed anything had happened, so everything was good.

At the end of the day, I headed down to the floor for our post-conference. Since the rest of the students were all busy finishing up their patient charting, I just hung around. Then one of the students told me that the nurse he was with had a patient who was going to have a central line taken out, and I could watch if I wanted to. Fantastic! Turns out the kid was one that had been in PICU the first time I was up there.

So I headed in to watch the doctor procede take out this line. He made an incision to open the hole where the tube entered the center of his chest. The line had been in so long that the flesh had grown around it so he had to keep cutting and cutting. One of the most pathetic things I've seen in my peds rotation is these kids on vents who cry but can't make a sound. He was flailing, and I'm sure if he could have made a sound, there would have been a tremendous wailing. Finally after what seemed like an hour but was probably only 15 minutes, he got the line out. Then he ordered an x-ray to make sure nothing was left behind before he sutured the hole shut.

After the x-ray, which caused the kid great distress, he suddenly clamped down on his trach and started to lose his oxygen saturation. So the nurse hyper-extended his neck to open his airway. The trach fell out leaving him with no airway at all. Neither the doctor nor the nurse could get it back in and his oxygen level continued to fall. I was calling out O2 sats and heart rates as they continued to work on him. It got down to 27% O2 sat and 68 beats/min. So the nurse yelled at me to go call a code. So I did. The people at the nurses station just stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, so I yelled it again. Within a very short amount of time, they had the crash cart in there and the room was swarming with doctors and nurses. One of the nurses was asking, "Is this real?" as she came through the door. Then, of course, I had to leave because I was no longer necessary and there were too many people in the room. I did hear that he survived.

Today was the first day of my last rotation for this semester. I was assigned to go to children's surgery. I got to watch some tubes inserted in ears and adnoids and tonsils removed. The doctor was so cool! When he found out I was a student there to observe, he just went into teaching mode. He let me come look into the scope during the surgery. That was just the coolest thing ever!

I also got to watch a gall bladder being removed. It amazes me that they ever figured out how to recognize one organ from the other. I can usually recognize the liver, no problem; but that other stuff all looks the same to me.

One last experience....my last day in the PACU (children's recovery room), we had a 13-year-old kid come in after an endoscopy. This was no puny kid. As he was coming out of his sedation, he became very combative. He wanted to get up out of his bed and walk out of there, which was not a possibility. We couldn't get that through his head. He said he HAD to get out of there before it was too late. We tried to get him to tell us why it would be too late and where he wanted to go. Three of us were having to hold him down during all this. Even then, he'd quite literally sit up anyway, practically lifting us up. We were understaffed because it was lunch time and 2 of the nurses had gone to get food. So it was only 2 nurses and 2 students in there and the other nurse had a patient she couldn't leave. So I basically laid on the kid's one shoulder, while the nurse laid on the other one and the other student ran to get help. One of the anesthesia guys came and leaned on his chest. The father finally came in there and managed to calm him somewhat, but even he couldn't talk him out of his mania. His eyes were just wild-looking. The father told us later that the kid's uncle had died in the hospital recently. It made a lot more sense then.

Enough stories for now.

I'm going to break

2006-10-22T03:35:00.000-04:00

Is it totally sacreligious to say I've had a week from hell? It does sound sort of blasphemous so I won't say that. I'll just say it's been a very difficult week in an understatement sort of way. Needless to say, I've been under so much pressure, it wouldn't surprise me in the least that an x-ray would show compression fractures of my vertebrae. Oh wait, I've had those for 20 years. It all started last Sunday...

I had two mid-term exams this week for which I had no time to study because of other pressing assignments. So Sunday I was faced with an imminent exam to prepare for. I had already agreed to study with my favorite study partner. Another of my classmates wanted to know if I was studying with anybody. I told her I was and invited her to join us because one more person isn't a problem for me. Unfortunately, she invited 4 other classmates. Now I could have studied with any one of these people individually, but found it contraproductive to study with so many. Thus, my panic began building and building. Finally, I just excused myself and left to study far into the night on my own. I left that exam feeling like a total dunce and quite frustrated, vowing to never be so unprepared again.

Yeah right! Now I had to study for the next test. I got very little done that day due to a night class and my exhaustion. The next morning, I started studying but could hardly stay awake. I had put in for 2 1/2 hours leave from work to give myself some extra time. So I hiked off to study at the library on campus. The more I studied, the more panicked I became. This was even worse than the last test. So I called in to work and begged for the rest of the day off.

So I studied on...until I noticed that my time for the study room had expired. I dashed around packing up my stuff and hurried down to turn in my key. Alas, I had no idea that the fine was $5 per hour! Give me a break! College students aren't rich...most of them are living on borrowed money or being supported by mom and dad. What's up with that?

Finding it very hard to concentrate, I felt even less prepared for the second test. Not only did I have to deal with my own scattered, ill-prepared thoughts--I had even more distractions to deal with. First, the professor was out of the country for a funeral. My OB clinical instructor was there to proctor the exam. As we were taking the exam, the door opens and another professor dramatically tiptoes up the aisle and carries on a whispered conversation with the proctor. She leaves.

We discover that we have two number 31's on the exam which messes up our scantrons. So she tells us to just answer the first number 31. We resume.

The door opens and professor number 2 enters the room bumping into chairs and starting up the computer. She is there to prepare for the lecture to be given after the exam. Proceeds to carry on a "low-pitched" conversation with the proctor.

We discover there is no number 42 on the test. Proctor tells us to just skip 42 on the scantron. Professor number 2 overhears. Wants to know what is going on. Oh no, we can't be short 2 questions on the test. We must go back and erase all answers and answer the second number 31 as number 32 and so on until we get to number 42 which is number 41 on the test and we'll be caught up. We protest. We already know we have 60 questions on this test unlike the 50 we normally have. We're running short on time, and erasing answers on scantrons and filling in those tiny blocks are time-consuming. Can't we just put the answer to second 31 on 42? Ok....that's fine. Professor number 2 interrupts us several more times to ensure we all understand how we are supposed to answer these on the scantron. (by this time I've completely lost any semblance of concentration).

Professor number 2 decides to test DVD to be shown during lecture because this system has been known to have problems. DVD starts up....no sound. Calls techincal department. Explains problem. Tries to test different things. 3 phone conversations later it is decided the techincal department will make a visit.

I read and re-read a question about preeclampsia of which 3 answers were certainly wrong and the 5th option was to "access weight, vital signs....and urine for protection" or something like that. I wrestled and wrestled with that question until it dawned on me that what the professor had meant to write was to "assess" .... and urine for "proteinuria." Oh, and the professor couldn't understand how the numbering had been overlooked because the test was proofread 3 times!

I discover with 15 minutes remaining that the last 5 questions on the test involve analyzing 6 different case studies with different signs & symptoms, lab results, and vital signs. I had to answer a question then give the rationale behind my answer. IN 15 MINUTES???? Oh yeah--that was actually 15 EXTRA minutes because professor number 2 thought we might need a few extra minutes because of all the misnumbering.

Well, I managed to rush through the test before time was called; however, some of my classmates were not so fortunate. There have been major rumblings of angst since that test. I haven't heard how I did, but judging from how I did on the previous one, I shall wait in fear and trembling.

At work tonight, the trend continued. I had to soothe ruffled feathers of plant managers and assure them I would get their mail back to them. And then the system problems began. At one point, I thought I may have lost 100 thousand pieces of mail, but I got them all back. Ok...so I got my one break of the day.

Babies and More

2006-09-26T01:47:00.000-04:00

I've experienced so much in the last month, I hardly know where to begin. I just finished my rotation at Erlanger Medical Center. I experienced quite a range of things there. My first day I got to be in the newborn nursery and did a full newborn assessment on a c-section baby.

I also saw 2 circumcisions and felt quite traumatized. I just don't know that I could put my child through that. One of the UT doctors said quite callousedly--"He won't remember it." This one was particularly horrifying to me because he was teaching two residents how to do it and it took FOREVER for them to finish it. That poor child's lungs were about to come out of his chest. I was even further disturbed that available pain management was not even used because "it doesn't make a difference anyway." When I told my OB professor that, she made some amusing threats of mutilation to certain male anatomical parts, and "we'll see how HE likes it."

In Labor and Delivery, I got to see a c-section. It was so cool to see the layers of skin/fat/muscles/uterus all the way down to the baby. What was even more amazing was to watch a baby come out all blue and within minutes he was breathing and pink as he made the transition from being dependent on the mother's circulation to maintaining life on his own. Isn't God awesome to have designed that! I still haven't seen a full vaginal delivery. I got to dash into a room just after the baby had slid out. I was so disappointed not to see the whole thing. But it was still cool to see what I did. What a bloody mess!

I was also faced with some sobering situations involving intrauterine fetal death. I was the only one of my classmates to experience this, not once, but twice. The first case involved a premature rupture of membranes (water broke) and a prolapsed cord at 16 weeks. In that case, I came smack up against the abortion issue. In this situation, the baby was not going to be able to survive. The decision was made to abort. This inspired discussions with 2 different nurses about refusing to administer the drug to abort as long as the baby had a heartbeat. I was made aware of Erlanger's policy of having L&D nurses sign a document when they first started on their stance on this issue. The 3 options were "I am able to administer," "I am able to administer only in an emergency," and "I will never administer." This also instigated a conversation with some of my fellow classmates about refusing to administer the drug, having somebody else administer, but then continuing to care for that patient. Is that condoning? The second case of IUFD involved a placenta abruption (placenta tore away from the uterus) at 37 weeks, and the baby died. It was a heart-wrenching thing to see the mother's agony.

My postpartum experience was also unique. I had the joy of having a patient who couldn't speak a word of English, and, of course, I couldn't speak a word of Spanish. I managed to get through most of my postpartal exam and get her to take a spitz bath purely by halting communication of short sentences and hand motions. It really was a good challenge for me even though it compounded my nerves with it being my first postpartal exam. I finished the exam through an interpreter which Erlanger is blessed to have. It has made me even more determined to become fluent in Spanish.

My high risk cases involved a sickle cell crisis, oligohydramnios, and twins. I was able to take two of them to get ultra sounds done, another marvel of modern technology. In the one case, I was able to see all those tiny bones including ribs, fingers, toes, etc. as well as all 4 chambers of the heart, kidneys, bladder, liver, and even the diaphragm.

It has definitely been my best clinical experience to date. On the negative side, taking 5 classes and working 40 hours has forced me to survive on an average of 5 hours per night which doesn't make for a healthy state of mind at times. Of course, I'm not helping the situation by staying up and blogging either. However, I really wanted to get some of these experiences down so I could look back and reflect later.

Back to the Books

2006-08-21T21:49:00.001-04:00

I arrived home from vacation last night and immediately went into panic mode over school. Today was my first day of class. I always like the first week of school because they generally go easy on you by going over syllabi and possibly a short lecture. My first class of the day was pediatrics. We were instructed to write down 3 truths and 1 lie about ourselves. We then tried to guess who the author was as the professor read them off. It was funny how easily we deduced the source as well as the lie. I guess we really have gotten to know each other well over the last year.

It was really sad to miss 7 of my classmates who flunked out last semester. We're now down to a class size of 23. Then, much to my surprise, I discover that 2 of those 7 are in my Monday night World Civ III class. We caught up on the goings on of those who are having to repeat the semester. I found out that UT Knoxville's nursing school has lost its accreditation and UT Chattanooga is currently under investigation. I asked my source what would happen to us if they did lose accreditation. She thinks they would finish out the students currently enrolled but not take any more applicants. This is a relief because I don't want to have to transfer again.

I was a bit leery that I might be taking on more than is advisable by taking a class in addition to my nursing classes. However, I perceive this might be my best History class yet. The professor is really funny and interesting. We spent about an hour learning about the people in the class with her adding amusing anecdotes along the way. Additionally, we only have 2 exams and 3 out-of-class essays. I think I can handle this! I will be taking away from my study time, but hopefully I can handle it.

I've been puzzling over something tonight: Are there any men who enter the profession of midwifery? Men are in all other areas of nursing, so why not? And if they do, what would you call them, for "midwife" hardly seems appropriate.

vacation

2006-08-15T09:55:00.000-04:00

I'm officially on vacation today. I've been in Kentucky since Sunday, but Sun/Mon were my days off. Today I would have been scheduled to work, so it's the first day I start using my paid leave.

Sunday night we pulled a late, late nighter with my dear friend Rhonda. It's always one of my favorite highlights of coming home. We just can't seem to get done talking. We eventually forced ourselves to leave in the wee hours of the morning.

My eyes were quite gritty the next morning which was not good thing considering I had an eye doctor appointment at 8:45. I also had to wear my CRT lenses before going which I don't particularly enjoy. I opened my case to put my right lens in and there was nothing there. I searched and searched for that lens, thinking I may have dropped it when I opened the lid. Sharon even helped me with a flashlight, all to no avail. Finally I decided I could at least wear my left lens since that eye is the weakest anyway. As I went to get my left lens out, there was a slimy sliding sensation to it. I discovered I had put both lenses in the left side. Now how is a person to figure out which lens is which? Thank goodness for my compulsiveness when it comes to routine. I figured since I always take my right lens out first, that should be the one on the bottom and the left should be on the top. So I put them on under that assumption. I couldn't tell by my vision if I had gotten it right because they irritate my eyes so badly that I generally just close my eyes as soon as possible after inserting them. I must have gotten it right though because I had 20/20 vision and only 1 step of correction in my left eye was needed for perfect vision. My doctor always raves at the success of his star guinea pig for CRT.

After my eye appointment, I stopped in at my favorite former auto mechanic to speak visit with Paula who truly runs the place. I enjoy my encounters with her so much. I was particularly amused at a change in her usual spiel. She always grills me on my love life or prospects therein and is continually frustrated at my ambivalence toward the matter. Yesterday, however, she told me that while she has always declared that there is a mate out there for everybody, and ones happiness must hinge on finding that person, she has discovered that maybe marriage isn't the ultimate answer for everybody. Her daughter just recently got married which made her ecstatic. It seems things aren't working out so well, and it did not bring her the happiness her mother was sure it would. So she admitted that maybe I was right about not needing to be married to be happy.

I then met a former co-worker from the BG REC for lunch. She's one of those treasures who will always be considered a dear friend. We talked for hours, and even after making it outside, we talked until the storm chased us to our cars. I really miss that sweet lady.
Today I'm going to take my car to get the windows tinted. My sisters had theirs done and declare it helps alleviate some of the heat buildup in these hot summer days. I most certainly need that in Chattanooga.

Tomorrow we leave for Virginia to see that special little niece of mine.

Shop til you drop

2006-08-05T21:37:00.000-04:00

It has been years since I shopped like my sisters, friends and I did today. It is tax-free weekend in Tennessee for back to school supplies and clothing. This truly a big deal when the sales tax is 9.25%. A lot of places like Fashion Bug combined this with 30-80% off sales. A dream come true for college students. I totally turned off my penny-pinching mode for the day; I might have even lost some common sense. I tried on so many items of clothing, I was considering walking around in my underwear. Ok, not really, but it would have saved time. And it was so HOT, it would have felt good.

We were finally so exhausted we had to take a break to just sprawl out. We had our own mini-fashion show. Then it was off to the races again. I had to go to work, but I directed the rest of the crew to the hottest shopping area in Chattanooga.

Now I'm at work counting the hours until I can go home and enjoy my wacky family/friends again. I'll relate our awful night last night at a later date.

Quote of the day: "Like my favorite saying I always say....How does it go Lisa?" --Jolene (my sister)

A good weekend

2006-08-02T00:39:00.000-04:00

A good weekend
My friend Grace from Kentucky came to see me. She arrived Sunday afternoon and stayed until Tuesday afternoon. We had lots of good conversations, watched some good movies, and went shopping. Now what better girl things are there to do?

I took her to the school supply store which she likes for her teaching supplies. We thought it was really big and well-stocked last year. This year, we discovered it had moved to a much bigger building so you can imagine her delight. That place brings back pleasant memories of planning for a new school year and trying to come up with inspiring ideas for the students. It's one of the things I miss about teaching.

The other major shopping spree was also a repeat of last year--McKays books. That place is absolutely fabulous. It's a used books/videos/CDs store that is bigger than some libraries. You can find some real steals there. My treasures included 3 books by Dee Henderson, one of my favorite Christian fiction authors. I had been eyeing them longingly at Lifeway, but decided I just didn't have the time or the money. Then I find them for half the cost and just couldn't resist snatching them right up. It's a good thing I don't go in there very often. Although I may have to continue making trips until I get the whole series. Now I'm faced with having to discipline myself to do those things which must be done, rather than reading.

New Title

2006-07-29T01:56:00.000-04:00

I have now officially been graced with the title of Aunt Sara. I feel quite thilled about it too. Her name is Selena Hope Schmucker and she was born at 6:45 on July 28.

Amusing conversation of the day:
Co-worker: "Hey, did you know that guy that won the tour de France is a Mennonite?"
Me: "Yes, I had heard."
Co-worker: "It's the strangest thing. Before you came, I had never heard of a Mennonite. Now I've heard it on the Dr. Phil show and now this. I think their taking over the world."

Second amusing conversation of the day:
Co-worker: "Hey, did you know that guy that won the tour de France is a Mennonite?"
Me: "Yes, I had heard."
Co-worker: "Did you hear how they had the nerve to accuse him of doing drugs?"
Me: "No, I hadn't heard about that."
Co-worker: "Oh those French people don't know what their getting into this time. They just don't know who he really is. Why there's no way they can prove a Mennonite took drugs. I just can't wait to see them proved wrong."

Fall Semester

2006-07-28T01:05:00.000-04:00

I've really been dreading fall semester. I just got out 2 weeks ago, and I'll be right back in school in 3 weeks. It's that suffocating feeling of never having enough time to study and wishing I could quit my job. However, today I had lunch with one of my classmates, and it got me a little bit excited again. We were discussing what it might be like this year. Although I'm sad that 7 of my classmates didn't make the grade last semester, I'm really looking forward to doing pediatrics and labor/delivery this semester.

Hopefully, I'll at least be able to get a clue if I want to specialize in those areas. I'm still thinking of going to Vanderbilt to do one of their 2-track graduate programs, or maybe I'll just stick to one. I'm positive I don't want to be an anesthetist. I think family practitioner would be the most versatile. And women's health and midwifery are still on the table. I don't think I want to do forensics or pathology; although both sound fascinating. I don't think flight nurse would be the thing for me, but trauma does have a certain exciting element to it. I have only had 1 day in the ER so far, and the most exciting case we had was an individual brought in by the police because of a dislocated elbow which occurred when resisting arrest. So I guess I'm still searching for clues on which direction to go. It would be just the coolest if God would give me an audible on this.

I still have my dream sitting on the back shelf, guiding my inclinations. I don't know if I've ever written about it on my blog before, and I don't feel like going back and looking through all those entries; so if you've read it before, just skip it. My dream is what guided me into choosing nursing in the first place. I wanted a career that would allow me to travel, particularly on mission trips. I've considered some kind of AIDS work in Africa, or maybe the mercy ship. I figured that a practitioner or midwife would be much more useful than just an RN. Strangely enough, I ran into an RN from another university who was doing that very thing on one of my rotations last semester. He went on the mission field as an RN, but decided to come back and become a family practitioner so he'd be able to do more good. It felt like a weird confirmation to my thinking in a sense.

While the mission thing appeals to me, I'm just mercenary enough to want to be able to fund my retirement. So I've come up with a scenario where I spend 2 years abroad then 2 years at home making money. Of course, I really have no idea how realistic I'm being as I haven't even looked into what's "out there."

I've also considered the travelling nurse programs available in the states. It would be an awesome way to figure out where I want to live. I just feel myself being pulled away from Kentucky one way or the other. Isn't that just contrary of me? Everybody else my age is putting down roots, and I'm dealing with itchy feet. So what if I'm not normal? I'm going to live my life to the fullest!

The Motley Crew and Other Oddities

2006-07-24T04:10:00.000-04:00

I find myself with a rare dilemma....it's 4:00 a.m. and I can't seem to shut my mind off enough to sleep. Generally this only happens when I'm extremely stressed about an exam. I know I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I decided to just give up and blog for a while. Maybe that will relax my mind.

I have noticed this propensity I have for enjoying people that others would rather avoid because they are strange or misfits. Upon some self-analyzing, I think they tickle my fancy because I know what it's like not to fit into the mold of what is considered "ideal" or even "acceptable" in the Mennonite world, and I certainly am considered an oddity in my present world where most people haven't even heard of Mennonites. Not that these people don't accept me for who I am. In fact, I think they do a much better job than my home church does. But I digress...

I thought it would be fun to describe some of these people I find so fascinating. First there is M. Now she's a real case. She used to live in California and was a respiratory therapist. From what she describes, she was one of the top in the country and was highly respected in her field. Of all people who should know better, she smokes like a freight train and doesn't care about the consequences. She so perfectly typifies the poem "I'll Wear Purple If I Want To" which speaks to the premise of doing exactly what you want and not caring what people think because you've reached that age when it just doesn't matter to you what they think. She loves the weather and has spoken of trying to get a job at TV station's weather department. Her TV is always tuned to the Weather Channel or to some CNN-like breaking news story. Everybody thinks she's a cooky old lady, but I like her conspiracy theories, etc.

Now P. is this mountain lady who lives in her own realm too. She talks with the back-woodsy Southern drawl. She thinks the Amish (pronounced with a long a) are just the bomb. She loves their produce and their food. She is truly what you would call uncouth--the kind of person who will eat straight out of the bowl at a public buffet and gross everybody out. She thinks everything is her business which drives the other supervisors insane. They want her to just mind her own business and not theirs. The only thing about her (and several other people I encounter on a regular basis) that I really dislike is that she likes to get up close and personal. That in itself isn't the bad part; it's the fact that she is a chain smoker and there's nothing as revolting as having foul smoke breath breathed into your face. She'll come up and lean on my shoulder speaking directly into my face, "Miss Sara, how much mail we got?"

Of course there's K. who has earned the nickname "psycho chick." Even on her medication, she can be quite volatile. She's almost been fired twice for screaming at somebody who has upset her while on the workroom floor. She has absolutely no threshold of emotional restraint. I can't seem to keep myself from making her one of my projects. It's quite challenging to try to calm somebody down who is about to blow a gasket, knowing that if she does, she will lose her job. I can usually see it coming so I'm thinking, "Ok, Sara, divert....divert....divert...." I must say, my classes in Psychiatry have come in handy at my job. Go figure!

Then there is the gang I call "my guys." They are not the odd ones...they are the popular ones. Especially one of them. The girls just love him, and I've seen him get swamped with attention from them. Yet, he's one of the most good-hearted souls I've ever encountered. The problem is, he and his gang are just too full of vim and vigor to be cooped up all day. They love to cut up and talk, neither of which go over well with the supers. So I try to reign them in with threats and cajoling when I know the tolerance of the powers that be have reached their limits and give them slack when I think they won't get in trouble for it. I warn them of the error of their ways, and they keep my life interesting with their capers. Of course, they love to serenade me with the song "Sara."

Working with so many different people (once I counted 350+ which I could name first and last names), there are many more I could describe. But that would take a book. However, I must speak of the Motley Crew since I haven't written about them before.

The motley crew consists of 6 women--myself, and 5 co-workers. I call them the motley crew because we really are an eclectic group. Having such a limited social life with working 40 hours a week and generally taking 12-16 hours of classes, I accepted the invitation to join these ladies for lunch. We so thoroughly enjoyed it the first time that we now make it a practice every week. We don't all make it every week, but there are always at least 2 of us available. These ladies are so unlike me, I'm amazed they even want me around. But I get my fix of laughter for the week, so I keep going. The language isn't always exactly what I've been taught is acceptable, but I think they do make an effort to restrain themselves. However, any topic is game with them and it can get a bit risque.

The most consistent one is S. She loves it because she cares for her mother when she isn't working and loves to be able to get out. She's been married a few times and has decided that is enough for her. She's a country girl with a history.

The one who started it all was L. She's the one with "the Attitude" and the mouth to go with it. She talks like she comes from the hood. She has a black boyfriend whom she just had a monster fight with. When she's upset, can she ever talk smack. But behind all that attitude is a good-hearted woman who is very loyal to her friends. She would be the kind of girl who would fight for her friends--literally and especially verbally. She's not afraid to say anything. She's the comedy relief of the group too.

R. is a black girl with a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor. She hates when people stare and doesn't mind telling them so. We really do look like an odd group, so you can hardly blame them for taking a second look. She's a hard worker and very dependable.

M. is a very religious sort and has recently become engaged. She's very jolly and loves a good laugh. She can be a bit gullible as I found out when she found herself the victim of a financial scam which ended up involving the FBI. She literally lost all her money and almost lost her house.

A. is a piece of work like I've never encountered before. She's a massive hunk of a woman...over 6 ft tall and built like a football player. She's got a booming voice to match which can be quite mortifying as she says the most outrageous things which cause heads to turn and gawk. You can't help but laugh hysterically while cringing inside with embarrassment. She recently got married to the father of her two children, but she informed me the last time I saw her that he walked out on her after a fight. Like L. she's fiercely loyal to her friends and would not hesitate to wade in with her fists flying to defend them--in fact, she's been known to do this before. Her life is one huge drama after another. As she says, "The only good egg in her family is her brother who is in prison in Pensacola, FL." Oh yes, she's a Morman.

So despite our differences in moral values, we enjoy each other's company and even have some serious conversations at times.

Sunday Ruminations

2006-07-09T19:58:00.000-04:00

My plans to take a nice long walk along the river this evening have been all dashed to pieces. It seems God decided it was time to drench the earth. I do have the benefit of hearing the thunder crashing and seeing the lightening flash though. So I guess I'll just enjoy nature from the inside today.

It seems my plans to buy another car have also taken a twist. I had the a nice 2003 Hyundai Sonata all picked out and my price set in my head, but I just couldn't seem to make the call. Then I had a really weird and convoluted dream about it all that just washed me with a feeling of unease. Sometimes I wish I were able to join mainstream America and just sign up for enslavement to the debt monster in exchange for a nice 15 to 20 thousand dollar car. Inevitably, I begin to think of how much I'd actually be paying for that hunk of metal with all the extra interest and the value I'd immediately lose in depreciation and decide it's not worth that much. Additionally, I consider that I wouldn't have any extra cash in my savings to go to Europe in 2008. I might even have to take out dreaded student loans that would further enslave me now and in the future. Reluctantly, I come back to my senses and confirm that I shall forever be enslaved to frugality and shell out another $400 to fix my old beater while remaining faithful to my mantra to pay as I go. However, I shall be quite gleeful when I'm backpacking through Europe so there is an eventual payoff. And someday, when I have no more education costs....

I have 2 more days of class involving a quiz and an exam and then I'll be freeeeeee for about a month. I am NOT ready to go back to the stress of nursing classes this fall. I have so many things to do before then including my online HIPPA modules, sewing more uniform skirts, and maybe investing in another shirt to say nothing of all the other tasks not related to school. My dresses are quite literally coming apart at the seams because they are so old and have been washed so many times, and I keep shoving them to the back of the closet to be mended someday when I have time. I'm think about investing in a serger since I didn't buy a car. But then comes the dilemma...do I buy a good one for close to $1000, or do I buy one that will just get the job done. I'll probably end up somewhere in the middle if I do buy one at all. Decisions, decisions...

I guess I'll go watch my movie (Lawrence of Arabia) before it gets too late. It's supposed to be a really good one according to the AFI top 100 movies of all time. An interesting fact I learned in my studying this afternoon is that the script writer was on the Hollywood blacklist for being convicted for by Congress of being a Communist. So he didn't get credit for this movie until years after the Production Code forced upon Hollywood studios was abolished by the a Supreme Court decision that movies fall under the "freedom of speech" category. My class is giving me exposure to some movies I'd never have chosen to watch on my own and made me aware of some really good possibilities, especially in the foreign films genre.

Schindler's List

2006-07-04T22:40:00.000-04:00

I think I'll become a movie reviewer. Now if only I could get the kind of money Roger Ebert does. But then again, I don't want to watch everything--just what I like. So the movie of the day is Schindler's List and here's my review:

If I had to describe this movie in one word, it would be “heart-wrenching.” Seeing visual images of something you know as historical fact is much more horrifying than just the knowledge. Realistically, I know there were much more horrific things that happened to the Jews than what was depicted in the film, but Spielberg shows sufficient injustice to drive the point home. I felt very angry at the treatment they received.
The transformation of Schindler from a partying, money-grubbing, self-centered man to a reluctantly compassionate protector of the Jews was brilliantly played by Liam Neeson. I was totally gleeful at the way he brain-washed Goeth into thinking of power in a totally different way even though he did shoot the boy trying to scrub his tub free of stains after all. Even Goeth was portrayed as having just a drop of humanity within his black heart in his feelings toward Helen Hirsch though he did a good job of denying himself of them. I think he truly thought that Jews were not real human beings and couldn’t understand his attraction to Helen. It does help me to comprehend the psyche of Germans involved in torturing the Jews, for dehumanizing makes it acceptable to the mind.
I cried at the end when Schindler was in such torment over not being able to save more Jews than he did. I can just imagine the agony he felt that he threw away lives at the cost of frivolous living. No movie could enforce that one person can make a significant difference any better than this one did. I just loved the ring the Jews gave him that said, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” And to think they made that from the fillings in their teeth! Now that is truly meaning what you say.
Spielberg was brilliant to begin the movie in color then snuff it out via the candles of the Jewish ritual signaling the viewer that a darker time has come. It emphasizes the stark horror of the events. Then to have the turning point of Schindler’s mind-set hinge on the little girl in the red coat when everything else was in black and white represented the surge of hope and warmth into a cold world to me. Returning to color at the end with the homage to Schindler’s grave signified a return to a warmer, kinder world.
It was a wonderful touch to have the real characters and the actors who played them walk together to place a stone at the grave of Schindler. I didn’t catch on that the actors were walking with their characters until I saw the children so I had to rewind it and play it again.
Though it was difficult to watch some of the horrific scenes, I’m glad I chose this movie because I’ve always wanted to watch it. It is a good reminder that the ignorance of racism is dreadfully harmful.

Auto Mechanics

2006-07-04T00:31:00.000-04:00

I have this thing about trusting auto mechanics. I'm so afraid they'll take me for a ride which, unfortunately, isn't an unfounded fear. I'm just so unmechanically inclined that I'd believe anything they told me. I was so fortunate to find one that I was totally confident in back home. It was one of the most difficult things to leave behind (besides my family and my house). Not only did they look out for me and my vehicle, but the lady that ran the place also gave me big discounts because she liked me. They specialize in these drive-through fast oil changes. Instead of driving through, I always turn my car over to the oil changers and go hang out with Paula in the office. Once, they told me that I needed new tires which they don't sell, so she starts calling all the tire places in Bowling Green and tried to guilt trip them into giving me a student discount. She found me a really good deal too. Since I'm living in the big, bad city, I'm especially nervous about trusting mechanics, so I just call Paula up and ask her if what they are telling me sounds reasonable. She's such a sweetheart to look out for me like she does.

Today, I finally decided that the mechanic I've been using the last couple of times is indeed trustworthy. The place is very similar to "my" mechanic back home. I got that feeling the first time I was there, but just didn't want to get my hopes up. The owner's wife runs the office, calls about parts, etc. just like Paula does. And she knows mechanics too! She told me how she is teaching her daughter about cars so she doesn't get taken for a ride if she leaves home. This started us on a conversation about reliable mechanics and confirmed the feeling I had that they were honest people. In the course of our conversation, I found out that she is from my very own small home town of Franklin, KY. How coincidental is that! Or maybe it's just a God thing--just giving me a little friendly sign.

Pet Peeve of the Day

2006-07-03T18:18:00.000-04:00

People who talk on their cell phones while "driving."

Movie of the day: Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. Now I know why Hitchcock is called the "master of suspense." If you've never seen it, I recommend it.

Whale Rider

2006-06-28T12:59:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have never seen the movie Whale Rider, here is a reivew I wrote for my Introduction to Film class:
Whale Rider was a beautiful movie. You can feel the deep love between the characters, particularly Pai for her grandfather Koro. She was also confident of his love for her despite his gruff rejection of her at times. This is portrayed in her narration at the beginning of the film when it is revealed that he wanted nothing to do with her because she wasn’t a boy, and she confidently says, “But he changed his mind.” Later, she also defends his treatment of her by saying, “He doesn’t mean it.” It just gave me the feeling that she was wise beyond her years.
I was particularly moved by the conversation between Pai and her father when he first came back to visit. The scene takes place when she runs out of the house after her grandfather has rejected her, and he follows her. In the course of the conversation, her father tries to explain his own relationship with his father by saying, “I can’t be what he wants.” This speaks to the age-old struggle for acceptance when a person doesn’t conform to what is expected or what tradition demands. This particularly struck a chord with me because of my own cultural background which is steeped in tradition. This same theme is seen in Pai’s struggle to go against the traditional roles of girls when she had the inner strength to become the leader needed for her people. At the same time, she is totally respectful of her grandfather and doesn’t come across as a crusader.
At first I couldn’t figure out what this leader so sought by Koro was supposed to save his people from. There is a scene in the deleted scenes that really explains this and, in my opinion, should not have been deleted. It was to follow the scene when Pai woke her father before she went to school. Koro told him to come eat breakfast then went out to work on the sewer and the son followed to help him and talk to him. In the course of the conversation he speaks of the people no longer fishing, losing the old ways, and not being motivated to work. This connects with the end of the film when they launch the finished waka and row out to go fishing. It was the lack of unity among the people along with the loss of tradition that needed rescuing.
I thought the music used in the movie was absolutely beautiful. It made you feel like you were floating in underwater scenes of the whales swimming. The use of wind instruments just gave the tone of the sea.
Keisha Castle-Hughes does a fabulous job portraying her character. I just fell in love with her sweet innocence. The most amazing scene for me was the speech she gave when she started to cry because her grandfather was not there. She is very convincing in her role.
Overall, this is one of the best movies I’ve seen. I give it an A+.

Medical insanity

2006-06-18T11:44:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it feels like nursing school is a distant memory. What if I forget everything I learned. I find myself thinking, "now what was that little tidbit I learned about..." My brain is failing me. I'm certainly not allowed to forget what profession I've chosen to pursue though. I get to diagnose everybody at work. I hear about so many ailments and sometimes the same ones over and over. "Do you think I should see the doctor about..." "Would this medicine cause me to..." "Is this an insect bite or poison oak..." "I have this pain..." "What do you know about diabetes? One of the employees was just diagnosed and she thinks her sugar may be out of control." "This employee is pregnant and she is bleeding....It's more than just spotting....what should she do?" "My mom has....what do you know about that?" "How much blood is in the body...[Sara interprets this as "How much can I lose before I must seek medical attention]"

And Sara's standard answers...."How interesting....I don't know, but let me google that for you...have you tried....no, I don't have my blood pressure cuff with me...you really need to see your doctor...I know you don't have the money for a doctor, but if you don't go, I'm going to take you myself and pay for it...if you had gone to the doctor like I told you days ago, you wouldn't have ended up costing yourself an arm and a leg at the ER....you may NOT drive if you are dizzy...[and Sara clutches her head over the insanity of her vast deficit of medical knowledge, wishing she knew more than she does or could at least remember what she was supposed to have learned.]

Company

2006-06-13T12:23:00.000-04:00

I had a most relaxing weekend. 2 of my sisters and a friend came to visit. I did the overlap shift at work which is from 11 to 7:30 so I got off of work a lot earlier than usual. The company arrived around 8:30 and we went to my favorite restaurant--The Brick Oven Grill. We had quite a jolly time talking and reminiscing. Then we came back home and talked some more. I got to use my inflatable matress that I purchased with my birthday money. It was a smashing success since it is queen-sized and one of those matresses that is so high that you won't eventually sink to the ground as it slowly leaks air. Sunday morning we slept in and I made a breakfast casserole (I actually cooked!). We spent the whole day just lounging in our PJs and talking. It was such a stress reliever and good for the soul.

Things are going well this semester since I'm only taking one class. It's Introduction to Film so we watch a lot of film clips and movies. We only have 2 exams although we have multiple quizzes and film critiques to write. It should be a breeze.

non-gender-specific words

2006-06-06T23:47:00.000-04:00

Why isn't there a non-gender-specific word for nieces and nephews or for aunts and uncles? After all, brothers and sisters are siblings, sons and daughters are children, mothers and fathers are parents, grandmothers and grandfathers are grandparents, grandsons and grandaughters are grandchildren. There really needs to be one word for nieces and nephews and one for aunts and uncles. It's discrimination. Maybe we need to invent one....any suggestions?

Art???

2006-06-02T20:12:00.000-04:00

Since I haven't been very present here recently, I shall strive to put into words those thoughts foremost in my mind--I detest modern art! Now I know why I was so hesitant to take Art Appreciation. I was beginning to be quite immersed in it and couldn't think why I thought it would be such a dreadful class. In fact, I was ready to go tour Europe all over again. Then came impressionism, and I started getting that niggling feeling of dread. Now we're into full-blown modern art, and it just makes my system revolt.

I could just rant and rave at the utter waste of time and the assault of the senses. However, I shall confine it to the most outrageous of them all--the work of Marcel Duchamp. The first one we looked at made me just want to laugh hysterically, for he only took a urinal, placed it on its back, signed it as Mr. Mutt, and called it Fountain. Honestly! And how does he defend it as art? He says this, "Whether Mr. Mutt with his own hands made the fountain or not has no importance. He chose. He took an ordinary article of life, placed it so that its useful significance disappeared under a new title and point of view ...[creating] a new thought for that object." When the "morality" of such an object was questioned he responded, "It is a fixture that you see every day in plumbers' show windows... The only works of art America has given [us] are her plumbing and her bridges."

While he has many more ridiculous works including drawing a beard and mustache on a reproduction of the Mona Lisa, his Bride stripped Bare by Her Bachelors, Even also known as Large Glass leaves me totally bamboozled. It truly doesn't look like anything. However, what it represents is too crass for my puritanical sensibilities to discuss. So, if your curiosity must be satisfied, I shall leave it to you to research it yourself.

Our professor tells us that we don't have to like anything we see, we only need to understand the larger context of what the artist is saying. And what does all this modern art say to me? More the fool are they who actually convince themselves that such art is art just because somebody says it is. But there you go, that's just what it says to me. Maybe it says something different to you.

So now that I've poured out my most burning thoughts and feelings of the moment, on to the more mundane. I have one week of this semester left. I shall be greatly relieved not to have two classes next semester. It's just a bit much to prepare for 2 tests per week while working a 40 hour week. Since it's Friday, and I have Saturday and Sunday ahead of me to study, I have forgone my 2 hour study period in favor of procrastination.

Back at it

2006-05-13T20:24:00.000-04:00

I've finished my first week of summer semester. I was a little concerned about taking two classes, but I'd forgotten how relaxed it can be in a general ed class. I've got 2 tests coming up on Tuesday, but I'm not really that worried about it. I'll admit, I'll have to do some brushing up before my World Civ II class because I'm just not used to the weird names and the different religions. I did have a taste of the religions (Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, & Judaism) in World Civ I, so it's not that anything is new. I'm also familiar with the rise and fall of the Chinese dynasties; I'm just not sure where the knowledge comes from. However, it is my first taste of Japanese history which really is a lot like feudal Europe.

I love my World Civ professor's teaching style. She makes it so interesting and so not like reading a text book. It doesn't hurt that she has this fascinating accent which she explained to us the first day of class. She comes from Newfoundland, Canada which is primarily comprised of Irish immigrants. You can totally hear the Irish accent and it just thrills my ears.
My second class is art appreciation which I was not expecting to like. So far, I have been enjoying it. I especially like the Greek sculptures and architecture.

One thing I am not that thrilled about revisiting is the essay component that is required for all general ed classes. Give me multiple choice any day. I guess there must always be a stress component in every class.

At work, I'm back to supervising every day. My motivation for not supervising was to be able to leave early which is not happening these days with all the overtime we've been having. I decided that if I had to be there anyway, it really didn't matter if I was supervising or keying so I agreed to go back to full time.

2 days of pure pleasure

2006-05-08T22:33:00.001-04:00

Sunday: Went out for breakfast with Dad. Went to church. Went to lunch with friends. Took a long nap. Watched a movie. Read a book until 5:30 a.m.

Monday: Slept until noon. Finished book. Picked up textbooks for summer semester. Went out with a friend to a quaint riverfront restaurant. Listened to a Jazz band at the Chattanooga Theatre Centre.

Productivity: Practically nil.
Pleasure: Oh Yeah!

2006-05-08T22:33:00.000-04:00

Libraries

2006-05-04T14:19:00.000-04:00

I really have to complain about the Hamilton County Library. My little hometown of Franklin, KY has got the big city of Chattanooga totally beat when it comes to a library. I've been to two of the branches here and have been very disappointed. The selection is very poor and limited, but even more atrocious--anything current must be rented out. Now that is not a library to me. I'm sure not going to shell out $2 for the privilege of reading a book when for a couple dollars more, I could own it. It's no wonder kids in the South have a reputation of not being able to read. Who wants to read unattractive, grungy old books that bore you to tears.

I guess I'll not totally write it off until I've been to the main branch which is downtown. That in itself is totally inconvenient since parking is a nightmare and expensive downtown. So much for living in a big city.

Finals are over

2006-05-02T11:27:00.000-04:00

As of today, I have passed another semester of the nursing program. And that is no small feat! Especially considering over 20% of my class flunked one of our courses. I am so upset about it. It's the class that's been causing my severe anxiety. What is even more upsetting is the professor's attitude which consists of--"Tough. We need to weed you guys out now so we can have a better pass rate for our school on the NCLEX." She makes us all feel really stupid, yet they told us coming in that our class had the highest average GPA the nursing school has ever had. These are really intelligent people and to tell them they are stupid really gets my blood pumping. Most of these students are appealing their grades. For two of them, this is their second failure so they will be expelled from the program since we can only fail one course in all 5 semesters.

Personally, I totally respect and admire this professor's mind and store of knowledge. She is also one of the writers for the NCLEX, so she's obviously respected in the field of nursing education. I think her style of lecturing is very conducive to learning. However, she covers a lot of material with huge gaps which she expects us to acquire on our own from the textbook or out of thin air. This makes it impossible to predict what will be on that test. She will declare she told us something in class, yet nobody can recall it except her. As another one of my classmates said, "She's a wonderful professor, and I've learned a lot in her class; but her tests do not reflect the knowledge we have acquired." She and I both got B's and we normally get all A's. I don't know if she has ever gotten a B before. I've only gotten one other B so this will make my second one. Even worse, she has totally shaken my confidence in my ability to reason to the point that I have had second thoughts about being in the nursing program. However, I’m not going to let her beat me down.

Only 3 more semesters of nursing in addition to 3 or 4 more summer semesters to complete. My first summer semester begins a week from today. I'm not particularly looking forward to either class since one is art appreciation and the other one is World Civ II which really hold no interest for me.

As for my one week vacation, I plan to catch up on SEMMA bookkeeping, catch up my checkbook, clean my apartment, and then do the fewest number of constructive things possible. I feel the need to go to the library and get some purely insignificant fiction, take my lounge chair to the lake, and indulge.

What's in your purse?

2006-04-17T16:54:00.000-04:00

Have you ever considered what you would lose if you were to lose your purse? Consider all those phone calls you would have to make to cancel credit cards (do you even know what those numbers are?) and to put stops on checks. For that matter, what was the last check you wrote out since your register is also gone? After you've finished plugging the hole in your finances, you must address the issue of a new driver's license. And what do you do about that social security card? We've all heard about stolen identity problems. Then you must address the myriad of other cards like health insurance, movie rental, discount cards, student ID, etc.

This happened to me when I idiotically walked off and left my purse sitting outside Fletcher Hall. When I discovered my momentous blunder an hour later, I rushed outside to discovered that it was gone. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was beyond description as I thought of all those things I would have to go through. I had planned to go grocery shopping after class, but how was I going to manage this without a credit card or a checkbook? And how long would it take to replace those things?

Thankfully, my story had a good ending thanks to two very important factors. 1) I had an identification card with my phone number on it, and 2) an honest gentleman by the name of Jameson Miller found my purse and kept it safe for me until I could meet up with him to retrieve it. In a city where crime seems to abound, I was very impressed and very grateful to be on the receiving end of such integrity and honesty.

A Disasterous Day

2006-04-16T19:58:00.000-04:00

How does a disasterous day start? Well, for me it started the night before. I allowed myself more computer time after coming home from work than I should have. So I didn't get to bed until 1:00. I had to be at a mandatory nursing conference the next morning. Registration started at 8:30 and lasted until 9:00 with the conference starting promptly at that time. Now I'm the type of person that needs to be there 15 minutes before the registration starts. Mostly because I really hate going somewhere strage by myself. This way I can sit in my car until I spot my friends then go in with them. Additionally, I set my alarm 2 hours before I need to be somewhere as a general rule of thumb.

So Wednesday night I stumbled to bed at 1:00 a.m., set my alarm for 6:30 and was asleep within minutes. I abruptly awoke to a ringing phone which always gives me a bad feeling. Feeling quite disoriented and in a fog, I answered the phone. It was the wife of a SEMMA rep wanting to know if she could send me a fax. As I chatted with her I fully came to my senses, realizing this was the morning of the conference. I glanced at my alarm clock and was horrified to see it was 8:16. I was supposed to be there in 14 minutes to register and was already a minute late by my personal standards. I'm really amazed I managed to carry on a lucid conversation amidst my panic. One thing was certain, I wasn't going to have time to wash my hair which for me is quite distasteful.

I'm quite proud of the fact that I managed to get to the conference by 8:55 even if my hair was flat as a pancake, in fact, flatter. Miraculously, I didn't get a speeding ticket either. But even though I attended to necessities such as brushing my teeth, I just felt like I didn't do them justice and spent the whole day feeling as though I had bad breath and kept checking to make sure that buttons were buttoned, etc. I wish there were such a thing as a bad breath detector because I haven't figured out how to smell my own breath.
To make matters worse, the conference was running just a little behind schedule. We were scheduled to dismiss at 2:30 and I had to clock in by 3:00. So the last session was adding to my distress since I HATE to be late anywhere. I certainly didn't want to get written up for being late to work. I managed to squeek into work at the last second.

So now could I relax? No, I was told that we were having system problems. They were currently ok and not experiencing any symptoms, but watch out! Just great. The last day I had run the system we were down from 3:30 until 9:30. I spent most of those 6 hours on the phone talking to all 19 of the plants we process for giving them multiple updates, answering their questions, reassuring them that we were working on the problem but weren't successful yet, handling psychotic managers, and instructing them on how they could run their machines in the meantime (even though I have no clue whereof I speak). After we came up, it was another 19 phone calls to let them know that we were up and then handling the blitzkrieg of volume for the rest of the night. Is it any wonder that I was cringing at the word that we were experiencing system problems again?

Thank the good Lord, I had no more system problems that night. The only thing I had to worry about was looking like a skin head and making sure nobody got close enough to smell my breath, just in case it was bad. And in retrospect, I thank God for Thelma waking me up at 8:16. But couldn't he have prompted her to send me that fax about an hour or two earlier?

My car

2006-04-03T12:01:00.000-04:00

It seems I've been given another stressor to deal with. It isn't like I couldn't tell it was coming or anything, but my car gave up the ghost on my way home from work on Saturday night. I think it's the alternator which isn't the worst thing that could go wrong financially.

Sunday I rented a car for the week which turned out to cost me over $400. So I had to call home and moan to my family over my dilemma. They had great compassion on me and brought Sharon's car down for me to use. She's in the process of shopping for a new one, but knowing her it will take a few more weeks. It would take even longer than that if she wasn't minus a car now. Of course, she had a few instructions for me regarding her car...."If the transmission doesn't shift, just wait, it will"....."The tachometer doesn't work"...."You need to go to Wal Mart and get some new tires"....."Oh yes, I think the oil needs to be changed"....."The odometer doesn't work either"......"If the engine light comes on, just ignore it".....

At least I have a car and I only spent $73 on a rental instead of $400.

Lessons learned.....never, never, never leave your cell phone at home......your true friends will get up in the middle of the night and come pick you up.....not all police officers are friendly and helpful to damsels in distress, they just tell them where they can continue to walk for some real help....AAA is worth every penny you pay....AAA representatives who make you laugh are the best in moments of stress...it's really hard to study when you're worrying about transportation issues.

SEMMA

2006-03-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

I'm in the second phase of my spring break--I've gone from nursing to bookkeeping, so this is what my desk looks like now.

I was 5 months behind when I started tackling this on Friday. Another good day should wipe it out. I do the bookkeeping for SEMMA (Southeastern Mennonite Medical Aid) which covers members in 23 different churches, mostly in the Southeastern U.S. and a few in Indiana and Ohio. Hopefully I'll have all the discrepencies figured out so I'm all caught up before the next quarterly dues come in the first of April. After this week, I won't have another spare minute until the end of the semester in May. Thankfully, my sister Kris does most of the work since she takes care of dealing with all the claims.

Spring Break

2006-03-16T13:48:00.000-05:00

This is what my spring break has consisted of so far:

I finally finished my care plan this morning just in time to get ready for work. This makes the 4th day of my spring break spent on this. GRRR. I really wanted a BREAK, but I still have so many other things to catch up including the bookkeeping for SEMMA which is so far behind I'm totally embarrassed. I also wanted to really give my apartment a spring cleaning, but somehow I think that's going to get shoved back again since the priority rationale (care plan speak) doesn't put it ahead of the other things that need doing.

The other night I ended up buying a blood pressure cuff because I feel so "pressured." Every time I've taken it in clinicals or at the hospital, it's been ridiculously high. It's starting to scare me. Since I started monitoring it (all of 2 days), I've been ok. At least I feel a little more in control since I have the means to monitor it.

I think my memory is totally going bonkers. I experience these total laspses where I even forget somebody's name that I really KNOW. The other day I totally forgot that I was supposed to meet somebody for lunch who was only in town for the day. I forget to take my cell phone off of silent from being at work or school, so I totally missed her call telling me she was here. Now if that isn't mortifying, I don't know what is!

So I struggle on with the insanity of it all.....

Difficult nurses and sweet patients

2006-02-27T01:09:00.000-05:00

I had the experience of working with a nurse who has a dreaded reputation of being hard on students. He got one of my classmates sent home in tears because she didn’t know something about one of the medications. I also heard he likes to drill the students on things he thinks they should know and gives them scathing remarks when they don’t know. When I found out he was the nurse for my patient, I groaned to myself and decided that if he asked me something I didn’t know, I’d just tell him that was something I didn’t know yet, but I’d be pleased if he would tell me. Thankfully, I wasn’t giving medications that day.

When I went to get my report from him on my patient, he informed me that this was a personal friend of his and I’d better take good care of him. Great! My patient turned out to be a real sweetheart and I spent the first 2 hours just talking to him. He had 3 wounds on his foot that aren’t healing. The nurse quizzed me about what 2 things hindered them from healing. I knew immediately that his primary problem was his diabetes, but I had to talk my way through the other one after first telling him that I wasn’t so sure about the second but it was related to his CHF. He told me I was on the right track, so I continued rambling until I had it figured out. Score 1 for me!

He actually sat down with my patient and I and talked quite civilly for a bit even though he was behind in his work. At the end of the day, my patient was really sorry to see me go, but best off all, the nurse told me I did a really good job. I was amazed that he had been so nice to me all day and answered all my questions about charting and about my patient’s particular ailments. So I told him I enjoyed working with him. He just stared at me for a little bit then said, “I don’t know why!” I think he knows his reputation. So I left with a smile on the inside knowing that I had confounded him, and just maybe I brightened his day

Brain Hiccup

2006-02-24T19:31:00.000-05:00

My brain hiccup of the week: Sometimes I go for days without checking my mail--snail mail that is--mostly because I'm just too tired. After getting my mail on Saturday, I diligently decided to check it on Monday. No mail--duh, Sara! It's a holiday, and a postal employee, of all people, should know that!

Cool medical experiences of the week: Today I was off site at the endoscopy lab. It's just the coolest thing to see the inside of the colon. Amazing the technology that allows doctors to just snip off a polyp and cauterize it right there. I also saw an esophagus with varices which were banded. And best of all, I saw a feeding tube inserted through the mouth, fed down through the esophagus and out through the wall of the stomach after the nurse had made an incision and poked a gigantic needle through the stomach wall to draw out the tube. I know it's rather morbid that I got my jollies at the expense of another person's ailments, but then that's what nursing is all about.

Most fascinating patient of the week: Santa Claus. Quite an interesting fellow.

Blood shot eye

2006-02-12T14:54:00.000-05:00

The sclera of my left eye is injected (blood shot eyes for those of you non-medical people). Could this be because I was drinking alcohol? No, that doesn't happen to be one of my weaknesses. Could it be due to lack of sleep? I exist in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation, so that can't be it. Maybe I got shampoo in it. Nope, but that's getting closer. In fact, I shot myself in the eye with shaving cream. Only I could pull that one off.

Pity party

2006-02-10T19:17:00.000-05:00

I'm being ridiculously pathetic right now so I thought it might help to just write about my poor frame of mind. Somehow that helps me put my smallness in perspective. I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm so tired I can hardly stand it, but I still have half a shift to work before I can go home. I know I have 2 patient interactions to write up, as well as a case study and nursing care plan. Then I have to study for 2 exams. That must all be accomplished this weekend which means Sunday since I have to work on Saturday.

To add to my gloominess, I really wanted to have my holiday off on the 18th. Of course, I could be selfish and insist on it since that is my right, but I just can't do that. I looked on the schedule and saw that another supervisor has off on that day. That means they'd have to call in somebody on their day off because I want my holiday off. Sometimes I wish I could just harden my heart and be selfish. But as a certain person told me recently (you know who you are, Twila), I'm a people pleaser.

Now that I've got that out of my system, maybe I can continue with a cheerful attitude. After all, I've got a really good job. And God did bless me with a fairly intelligent mind so I can grasp concepts in the little study time I have. Now if I can just let go of that need to make an A.

Smiles

2006-02-09T00:38:00.000-05:00

I get so tickled at the people I work with sometimes. Last week one of the ladies came up to me and asked me if I was feeling ok? I was rather bewildered by her question and assured her I was fine. She was concerned because I wasn't smiling as much as I normally do. Since when is smiling, or a lack thereof, a criteria for thinking somebody might be ill?

This isn't the first time these people around here have commented on my smiles. I never considered myself as somebody who just goes around smiling at people all the time, but evidently I do without realizing it. I was recently confronted with it firsthand in quite a startling way. At Moccasin Bend we were taking a tour of a building where the long-term patients stay. As we went into a room, I came face to face with a mirror. What did I see? A group of people staring blankly at our guide and me--smiling at her. I've always thought that the reason people seem to single me out to focus on was because I'm dressed differently. But maybe it's because I respond to what they are saying with my facial expressions. The rest of that tour, I consciously tried keeping my face just as bland as everybody else's, but I just couldn't seem to do it. If I was amused or made eye contact, I just couldn't help smiling. Maybe it was because the whole thing made me want to just laugh hysterically once I started thinking about it. I sure hope my face isn't an open book to what I'm thinking all the time.

And that reminds me...one of the last times I was at home, Dad told me that as a baby, he only had to make eye contact with me to make me smile. I guess I'm just weird...make that a happy weird.

Southern Winters

2006-02-06T21:28:00.000-05:00

Who took my 60-degree winter weather? I want it back. I mean, really! Snow and sleet??? This is the South!

Moccasin Bend

2006-02-03T16:14:00.000-05:00

I've met quite the characters at Moccasin Bend, and this isn't even including the mental patients.

Yesterday I wore one of my favorite dresses and got rave reviews. It's one of the pieces I picked up in NYC--pink eyelet. Two different ladies at Moccasin Bend commented on it. One lady asked me if I made that dress because she had bought some similar fabric and paid somebody to make it up for her. The other lady cracked me up. She asked me where I got that beautiful dress. I told her I bought the fabric in NYC. She looks at me with huge eyes and says, "You made it?" When I affirmed this, she says, "You're lying! I didn't know people still designed and sewed their own clothes!" Then, "Why are you covering it up?" I had on a jacket. I said, "Because it's a little cold outside." She proceded to rant and rave and made me take my jacket off so she could see all of it. I just had to laugh.

Today this same lady who is the sister of one of the patients on my unit asked me if I was Catholic because of my veil. I told her that I was Mennonite. She had never heard of that. So I asked her if she had heard of the Amish because I was similar to them only more liberal. Her face just lit up as she slapped her leg emphatically (she has good potential as a drama queen). She raved about how she lives to get stuff from the Amish. She wishes I could get her all that good food, jellies, jams, spices and whatever else she gets. I just chortled at her because I'm sure not going to volunteer my precious time to cook and bake for her.

Another man I met has been trying to convince me to come work at Moccasin Bend. He's sure I'd like it there. Every time I meet up with him now, he calls me Miss Moccasin Bend. Today he started calling me Miss America. I guess I'm moving up in the world.

Men & PMS

2006-01-28T21:11:00.000-05:00

Today I was reading the label on my bottle of Pamprin (after all, I'm taking pharmacology now). Now just why would somebody seeking relief from menstrual symptoms need to consult their doctor before taking this medication if they have trouble urinating due to an enlarged prostate? I always thought some men suffer from PMS. Now I have the proof!

2006-01-21T16:46:00.000-05:00

I've managed to survive the first two weeks of the semester. I haven't formed an opinion on my classes yet though. Because of the MLK holiday, we have only had one lecture in Medical-Surgical and Pharmacology. It's a good thing because I still haven't finished my reading assignments for either class despite reading every spare minute I have.

The concentration for this semester will be psychiatric and surgical nursing. My first clinical rotation is at the local mental health institute. They receive acute patients there, mostly via court. All patients are committed involuntarily. This means they cannot voluntarily leave either. It's been very interesting so far. We sit in on patient rounds first thing which is when the treatment team discusses each patient and then interviews them one at a time. The treatment team consists of a psychiatrist, RN, social worker, unit coordinator, and sometimes a nurse practitioner. It feels much different than what you would expect for nursing since it's all about the mental health status instead of the physical.

After rounds, we are supposed to have an interaction with our assigned patient. So far, we can't seem to get much done besides rounds even though we're there from 8:00 until 2:30. We did have one patient interaction on Friday.

I'm really looking forward to my surgical rotation. We'll get to follow a patient before, during, and after surgery. The during part is what I'm really looking forward to observing. My friends at work think I'm warped for looking forward to that. Maybe I won't be able to handle it, but I'm still looking forward to finding out.

Miracles

2006-01-09T21:13:00.000-05:00

Do miracles still happen today? Would we even recognize them if they did? Or would we just attribute them to some scientific explanation?

I choose to believe that I have my own miracle in the form of a functioning car. I took it in for an oil change and a physical today, and it was given a clean bill of health other than a need for some new front brakes. I realize that some mechanical geniuses may say there was nothing wrong with it in the first place. However, given the symptoms it has been displaying recently, I was bracing myself for a terminal condition or an ailment that would cost half the value of a new car. Since I specifically prayed that God would keep it running, I believe the outcome is a God thing. I fervantly hope it's a long-lasting miracle.

2006-01-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

I've already been bombarded with e-mails from my professors with instructions and assignments for this coming semester which starts on Monday. I have reading assignments due in two of my classes on the first day of class and a drug calculations test on my first clinical day. I have an additional clinical day for the first two weeks and we're starting our rotations on the third day. This semester, the concentration will be psychiatric and mental health, so I might just fit right in with the patients before it's all over. I've definitely got the "tight chest, can't breathe" feeling going on from the first e-mail. I'm really dreading this semester. Only 18 weeks to go!

To make things worse, I had gotten it into my head that classes didn't start until Tuesday. I had all these plans to get last minute things done on Monday, including getting my car serviced, only to find out that it starts on Monday. Now I feel cheated out of a day. I gritted my teeth and changed my car appointment to late Monday afternoon after my last class. I'm praying for some good news on my car. Maybe they can figure out why it's always stalling on me. Someday I want to be able to go buy a brand new car, just because I can even though it doesn't make economical sense.

On a brighter note, I joined Curves on Wednesday and had my first workout today. It's really nifty the way they design the workouts. It only lasts 30 minutes, and you're only on a machine for 30 seconds before rotating. I'm hoping the brevity of the workouts, along with having to pay whether I go or not, will make me motivated to keep up a routine. I did really well when I joined a fitness club back in Bowling Green, so maybe I'll manage it again despite full time work and school schedule.

New Church

2006-01-06T16:33:00.000-05:00

My friend from work asked me to go with her to a new church on Sunday. The one she originally wanted to go to started at 9:00, but she found another one on the internet that started at 10:45. She decided we would go to that one instead. Of course this suited me fine. The more sleep, the better. Sunday morning we set forth in her new vehicle which I was admiring on the way. When we drove in, I thought it rather odd that there were no other vehicles arriving at such an obviously large church. Normally, these mega-churches with their two services are a madhouse at the change-over between services. The parking lot was very full, but we found a spot at the far corner and went inside. Once again, I got a funny vibe since there were only a few people lingering in the foyer, and they were young fathers with their toddlers at that. But we dutifully waited for the first service to end since we could hear the pastor over the sound system. Finally, I asked my friend if she was sure the service started at 10:45 because it was already 11:00. So she went over to a lady who had just come out with her young grandson and asked her. It turned out that the Christmas and New Years services were both at 10:00 with Sunday School eliminated. In addition to this change, they no longer had two services and the remaining service started at 9:00. So much for the new church that never happened.

On our way out the drive, we noticed the sign which we hadn't read coming in. In big bold letters it said, "Christmas and New Years services begin at 10:00. Yes, we felt a little thick in the head. But we decided we did get one bonus--we beat all the "after church crowds" to go eat. We were eating by 11:30 and pretty much had the place to ourselves.

Sunday afternoon I went to meet up with L just before she left for KY. She had brought her baby to be with his daddy for the weekend. He looks like a little angel. Unfortunately, he was sick. She seems to be doing well back in KY, but she still wants to come back to Chattanooga.

Sunday evening another friend from work came over for the evening. We painted ceramics for several hours and then we watched a movie while munching on munchies. It was a musical called Seven Wives for Seven Brothers. It was a very enjoyable evening and probably my last free Sunday until May.

Musings

2005-12-24T18:58:00.000-05:00

I've noticed I have this thing about chairs being pushed in. Ever since my highschool days when they made an issue of pushing your chairs into your desk, I can't go past a chair that's out without pushing it in. I have lots of opportunity to do this at work since there are hundreds of chairs and quite a few people who shove their chairs back when they leave for break and don't push them back. I really amazes me that people can just leave them out in the middle of the isle, and it doesn't bug them. The curse of an orderly mind!

On that same note, as a child at home, I rarely fixed my bed unless company was coming over. Now, I find it very hard to leave the house without fixing my bed. And I can't stand when the sheet comes untucked at the bottom. How odd is that? Is there a shift in the brain that takes place with maturity?

Scrooge

2005-12-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

I feel like a royal Scrooge this Christmas. I haven't sent out one Christmas card or bought one Christmas gift. A combination of factors contribute to this. Somehow I'm not really in a Christmas mood, and I'm feeling the need to hoard my hard-earned pennies. Of course, I always feel like that after paying my tuition. Added to that, I wasn't even sure I'd get to go home for Christmas. I did find out yesterday that I got leave so I'll get to go. I still don't feel like Christmas shopping though. Last year I went all out. This year I'll scrooge, and maybe next year I'll splurge again.

I am really excited that we're going to go to Michigan to my mom's side of the family. My childhood Christmas memories are associated with Christmas in Michigan at Grandpa's. I recall the bitter disappointment the first Christmas we didn't go when I was 6 years old. I was the cause since I had contracted chicken pox at school. I remember thinking it just couldn't be! Now it's the exception instead of the norm to go to Michigan for Christmas, so I feel a childlike excitement all over again. Sadly, this will probably be the last time we will all be together since my uncle and his family are all moving to Wisconsin. Since they are Amish, they don't travel very often so who knows when I'll see them again. Additionally, my grandmother is not in very good health any more so it will probably be the last Christmas I spend with her.

I've been thoroughly enjoying my freedom from textbooks the last week. This past weekend was the first time in a long time I didn't have to study for something. My sisters came down on Saturday night to visit. We had a very lovely time being our warped selves until "The Incident" ruined it.

The Incident--I still shake my head in bewilderment. My youngest sister had just recently totaled her car and had found another to replace it. She quite proudly showed me her find, and we used it to go out to eat. I was elected to drive since I know the area. After eating and driving around a bit, we returned to my apartment. As I was turning in to a parking slot, IT happened. I'm still confused about exactly what happened, but either the accelorator stuck or I hit the gas instead of the brake. At any rate, the car lurched forward instead of slowing to a gentle stop. I slammed on the brakes and screeched to a halt. But, alas, not before bumping the curb, whereupon the airbags took it upon themselves to deploy--not to save our lives, but to ruin them for a time. After recovering from the shock of it all to register a complete thought, I felt more deflated than those hapless air bags. In fact, I was totally miserable. I had just ruined my sister's new car. The dash had erupted and the top had flown up to break the windshield. The key could not be turned or extracted. The body had not a scratch on it, the engine was totally intact, but those dreadful airbags had made a mess of the steering wheel and dash. After contacting a neighbor back home in Kentucky who happened to work for the dealership where Jolene had purchased the car, we were able to start the car by jiggling the steering wheel, but we still couldn't get the key out. At least they were able to drive the car home without having to tow it. It will cost $1100 to fix it.

As a side effect, I managed to injure my hand. It's been quite painful. As the swelling subsided a bit, a knot appeared and it seemed to get more painful. So I had to consider the fact that it might have been fractured. I got it x-rayed, but no fracture was evident. The doctor had me wrap it with a compression bandage to help with the swelling and give it some extra padding. Within a day, I could tell a difference. The color is changing from blue to yellow now and I can type much more readily. As all painful and embarrassing incidents, this one too shall fade into the infamy of my past with the occasional gleeful resurrection by my malicious siblings.

Joy

2005-12-14T00:50:00.000-05:00

Joy is such a wonderful feeling! I've been experiencing it quite a bit lately.

Topping my joy list above all else is the news that I'm going to become an aunt sometime around next August. I'm so thrilled, I can hardly stand it. My brother just released us from keeping it a secret so what better place to broadcast it than the internet?

Running a pretty close second was the joy I experienced during my interview for my clinical class. We had to meet with one of the professors to receive our final care plan as well as an evaluation written up by the 3 professors who guided us through this first semester of clinical experience. I had been stressing out so badly over what my grade was going to be in that class. I just knew it was going to be a high B because I got an 89 on my first care plan. I drew the professor who had the reputation of being the hardest one for my second care plan, and this was going to be 30% of my grade. If I got all the points possible for my professional conduct and evaluations from my offsite clinicals, the lowest grade I could get to still escape with an A for the course was an 88%. When she told me I had gotten a 92% on it, the relief just washed over me.

The written evaluation by the 3 professors goes in our file for future reference when professors are asked to give recommendations for graduate school. The professor I met with read what they had written aloud to me, and it nearly brought me to tears. It literally felt like there was a bubble in my chest wanting to explode. They said such wonderful things about me, it just made me feel really humbled. After she finished reading it, she told me then that she thought I was definitely in the right profession. My patients loved me, and I was sweet without being syrupy. I tried to act with proper decorum while on the inside I was absolutely jumping for joy. It made all the stress of this semester worth it. I ended up just squeaking out an A at 93% for the course. Each of the other 3 courses came out at 96%, so my joy is complete.

There is also the small matter that my car hasn't given up the ghost yet. God is definitely smiling on me lately.

God and Finals

2005-12-08T09:57:00.000-05:00

I think God enjoys finals. I know He gets more attention than usual over this time. It makes me smile when I look around just before we start and see people with their eyes closed, so I can just imagine it makes Him smile too.

The end of the semester is here!

2005-12-06T12:21:00.000-05:00

I'm quite gleeful that the end of the semester is almost here even though it brings me to a torturous marathon of exams and finals. In reflecting over the past semester, I'm amazed at how much I've learned. I can't imagine how much more I've got to learn with another 4 semesters to go. I'm particularly frustrated with my inability to recall things I should know. There is so much knowledge coming at me that I struggle compartmentalizing it in my brain for easy access. Sometimes I feel I've reached my limit--NO MORE! But then I take a deep breath and plunge into the pool of knowledge and experience.

I'm so glad that nursing school is designed to keep one group of people together from start to finish. My class is so awesome! I feel as though I know a lot of them so well, and I've still got 4 semesters with them. A few of us were just discussing yesterday how comfortable we are discussing anything with each other. It amuses me to think that one guy in particular I didn't know at all at the beginning of the semester, and yesterday we were discussing male and female genitalia like most people discuss the weather. Before going to college, I would have felt a twinge discussing these things with a female I've known all my life, let alone a male I've only known for 5 months.

My last day of clinical I got to watch lymphedema therapy. Chattanooga has one of only 2 clinics in the country for lymphedema and I got to be in one of them! I was totally amazed to see before and after pictures. My heart goes out to people who suffer from this condition because it's not something that can be cured. They will have to treat themselves for the rest of their lives. The man who came up with the idea for the clinic was the one who allowed us to watch and gave us a lot of information that's not in the textbooks. One patient was from Sarasota, FL and her daughter from South Carolina was with her. They spoke of their search for years to find answers. They desperately spent money on any "solution" that was presented to them, all to no avail. They came across this clinic in an internet search. Now they just shake their heads in amazement at the success the treatment has had.

Saturday morning I awoke with a slightly sore throat. A feeling of dread washed over me as I realized that my annual or biannual bout of illness was about to befall me. I've experienced this particular malady every year since I "blew out" my vocal chords when I was teaching school. My voice is naturally low which makes singing soprano very difficult for me. Since I was the only teacher who could learn new songs by reading notes, it befell me to teach my students. I'd pitch the songs down to teach them and once they had it, I'd raise the pitch so they could carry on. But the strain was too much for my vocal chords and I ended up with a severe case of laryngitis. As the familiar first sign of sore throat hits me, I desperately start my rounds of every kind of cold pill on the market, hoping to avoid the inevitable trip to the doctor about a week into my self-treatment. Reluctantly, I agreed with my family that I should go to the doctor right away instead of waiting for a week. But I couldn't go on Saturday because I had to work, and they aren't open on Sunday. And Monday I had an exam, check off, and a paper due. So I decided I'd go on Tuesday with self-treatment of cold pills and NyQuil in the meantime. However, this time I progressed much more rapidly than before. By Monday morning, my throat was so swollen I was gagging myself and I had a fever of 100 degrees. So I took my notes and sat in a clinic studying for an hour while waiting to get in. Turns out I had a full-blown case of pharyngitis, laryngitis, and bronchitis. After my long day of classes, I headed for the pharmacy to get my prescription filled then went home and collapsed. I decided to forget about studying for finals and just sleep. I awoke in the middle of the night unable to breathe or swallow without going into spasms of gagging and coughing. So I dosed myself up with codeine cough syrup and spent the rest of the night sleeping fitfully while sitting up.

On the bright side, I have a very legitimate reason to call in sick. And I'm going to ignore all twinges of guilt, knowing how desperately they need me at work with all the overtime they've had. Since this gives me extra study time, I must see it as a blessing in disguise.

Speaking of blessings, I think my car is surviving on prayer alone. After they could find nothing wrong with it in Kentucky other than low transmission fluid, I retrieved it over Thanksgiving. I had to stop half way home and let it cool off for 15 minutes. But I made it home without having to call a tow truck. The next day it stalled 3 times on my way to work. I was praying desperately all the way. I just don't have TIME for car problems, much less the money. I was shamelessly begging God for a miracle cure. It hasn't stalled since!!! I now suspect the battery might be going out since the light keeps coming on, and my lights flicker a lot. But better the battery than the alternator.

Just a rare update

2005-11-21T18:26:00.000-05:00

My life seems to go from crisis to crisis ever since I’ve lived in Chattanooga. I keep asking God to at least keep them a week apart, and He’s done pretty well at that. Occasionally I get piled on though.

Just when I thought I’d actually have a normal weekend with only normal homework, I received a call that a very dear friend of my family was killed when a drunk driver struck her and her husband as they were riding their motorcycle. I was in the middle of studying for exams that weekend so I just tried to shove it to the back of my mind and didn’t deal with the emotions. The funeral was delayed since they were trying to wait as long as possible to allow her husband a chance to heal enough to come to the funeral. However, he remained in a coma, and I just received word that he died today. After waiting a week, the family planned a funeral on November 12. That week the emotions all caught up with me, and I’d find myself crying at the oddest moments since I no longer had the stress of studying to distract me.

Shaleen Johnson was one of God’s angels on earth. She was the most vivacious, caring person I’ve ever known. She lived her Christianity the way it is supposed to be lived—full force, every day. She was always sending me encouraging notes and e-mails like she was my personal fan club. I rarely saw her in a negative mood. She was like a bright ray of sunshine that filled a room and was always praising God. Everybody who knew her, loved her. I have this vision of her in heaven dancing around in a flowing white gown, weaving crowns of daisies. She was quite artistic like that here on earth so I just know she’s having fun with heaven’s beautiful treasures. And she must be working the crowd, finding out everybody’s story with intermittent detours to rush into the arms of Jesus out of sheer joy. It just gives me a thrill to think of it.

Shaleen planned her funeral as her final party to celebrate her move to heaven. It was the best funeral experience I’ve ever had. She had helium balloons of every color tied all over the church which we later released at the cemetery. Well over 600 people attended this funeral and portrayed the diversity of lives she touched. There were over 100 motorcycle riders there in full motorcycle regalia to escort her from the service in Bowling Green to her place of burial in Franklin. They led the procession with a rider stopping at every road to block it off then falling in behind after the long procession had passed. She had even provided the pastor with the text of the message including verses that she wanted shared. Her final message was one of invitation for all to join her in a permanent celebration in heaven. It was just beautiful.

On my way to Kentucky for the funeral, I experienced another crisis. My car started expelling billows of smoke within a mile or so of my parents’ place. When I got there and opened the hood, there was some sort of liquid splashed all over the inside. I still wait in anxiety to hear the verdict. I only know it’s got something to do with my transmission. My dear friend Nancy loaned me her car for the duration. Thank God for friends!

I returned home after the funeral to work long hours on a very stressful project that had to be turned in on Tuesday. It felt like I didn’t have enough time to do it justice, but I prayed over it and turned it in. Now I await the verdict with additional anxiety.

After turning in that project, I turned my attention to a group presentation that was due today. Our topic was ethical and moral issues that nurses may have to face and how to deal with them. In particular, we focused on issues that nurses may have a conscientious objection to performing though they may be legal. My particular focus was on abortion and euthanasia. While euthanasia is not legal in our country except in Oregon, there is still a strong leaning in that direction. In my research I came across this really good quote by Nancy Valko, “We must all accept the fact that evil never limits itself and always seeks to expand.”

After spending all my spare time last week working on this presentation, I received a call from my friend I’ve written about before. Her ex-boyfriend showed up in Kentucky to take away her baby. She called me at work and was totally hysterical. He was there as well as the cops. She wanted me to testify on her behalf about the things I personally witnessed. While the thought of this was nerve-wracking to me, what totally set me off-kilter was the fact that the hearing was scheduled for Monday afternoon at 1:30. This was precisely the time my group was scheduled to give our presentation. It was Friday night, and this particular professor does not check e-mail very often and definitely not over the weekend. I sent off an e-mail anyway, just in case. No answer. So I lived in still more anxiety over the weekend with my thoughts oscillating from “I can’t desert a friend in need” to “I don’t want a bad grade” to “Surely the professor won’t dock my grade” to “I really don’t want to know if she is going to dock my grade because I WON”T desert a friend in need.” And so it went as I finished up my project and completed some miscellaneous homework assignments.

This morning after trying several times, I finally reached my professor. She was very understanding and said it was ok for my group to proceed without me. I had written my whole script out with my Power Point slides so another one of the group members could just read it off. I met with my group to go over last minute details then headed off to court as they headed off to class.

Then the real anxiety attacked me. I was going to have to testify very shortly and I hadn’t even had much time to think about what I was going to be testifying about. I knew this guy was a real psycho since he had admitted to shooting somebody and setting another ex-girlfriend’s hair on fire. My personal experience was limited to frantic phone calls requesting I come get the baby because he had cut his wrists, or calls that he was banging on her windows and wouldn’t leave her alone, or calls that he was on a rampage trying to find her and might be headed my way. I witnessed his threats when I went with her, her father, and 2 police officers to get her stuff out of her apartment which he wouldn’t leave. I also overheard phone conversations of him ranting and raving and threatening her. Since I have so little court experience, I didn’t know what I could testify to and what I couldn’t, and I was afraid I wasn’t going to be very useful for her.

My friend hadn’t even had a lawyer yet because all this happened over the weekend when you can’t reach anybody. When I got to the juvenile court, she was a total basket case of nerves. So I had to pretend I was all calm and collected and reassure her that everything was going to be ok—never mind that inside I was quivering like a leaf. Thankfully my prayers were answered and she had found a good lawyer. He was very calming on all of us. He finished up some notes then sat down to speak with me about everything I had witnessed. It helped so much just to speak to him, but the nerves were still there and not helped by the long wait for her case to be called. The judge only wanted the father, mother, and lawyers to start off. So we had to wait outside in case we were needed. After about an hour, her sister and brother-in-law were called in so I baby sat out in the van. After another long wait, they came out for the baby. It turned out they had run out of time, and I was not even going to have to testify because the other side had taken extra long, knowing she had witnesses. The lawyer said I will probably be called on to testify at the next court date set for February.

I decided that the real reason God wanted me there was just to show my friend that He was real and that He cared about her. She is not a Christian and not very open to hearing about God either. However, every time she gets in trouble like this, she asks me to pray for her. Today I told her that my family and I, as well as some other people, were praying about this situation. I told her that I had specifically prayed that she would find a good lawyer, and God had answered that prayer. I told her that God loved her and her baby, and only He could work things out for the best. She broke down and cried. It humbles me that God can use me to give somebody a message in spite of all my anxiety over the circumstances.

Now that it’s over, I’m back to a slightly lower level of anxiety. Ok, God, what’s next? Oh wait, I still don’t know the verdict on my car, and it’s almost time for finals...

What's your guilty pleasure?

2005-10-22T13:14:00.000-04:00

You know, that activity which can steal huge chunks of your time before you know it? That indulgence which surprises people to know about you and may even be embarrassing to admit to some people.

For me it is sports. I can get totally engrossed in it, and not just my special obsession--basketball. I love basketball, football, tennis, olympics--you name it, I'll probably enjoy watching it, although I do have some exceptions--wrestling and boxing. I don't particularly thrive on golf or baseball, but I can even enjoy watching them occasionally, particularly during the World Series.

Recently I've been able to once again exercise one of my indulgences in this area, listening to ESPN radio and the Dan Patrick show in particular. He's quite entertaining and never fails to get a laugh out of me. I used to listen to it every day when I worked in Bowling Green. Now that I'm keying again, I get to listen to the last hour of the show just like old times.

My consuming passion is college basketball, especially the UK Wildcats, of course! It makes me so sad that I can no longer listen to the games on the radio. I can get it on the internet, but not usually until after the fact so it's not nearly as much fun. I seem to be in the wrong area of the country when it comes to basketball fans. I find very few people to discuss basketball in Tennessee. I've even been known to go to games by myself since I don't have any sisters or friends in the area who will go with me.

Here in Tennessee it's all about football. Football would be second on my list of favorite sports. I'm not into the college scene so much, but I love the NFL. The Titans are my favorite team, but there are some others that I follow pretty closely too. Maybe someday I can even go to a game. And to think, back before I was a fan, I actually won some tickets to a Titans game and sold them! In my defense, they had just moved to Nashville from Houston, and I didn't really know anything about them.

So there you have it. That's my guilty pleasure. What's yours?

Mice and BPs

2005-10-15T21:57:00.000-04:00

This morning I got up at the 5:30 (nobody should have to get up that early on a Saturday morning!) to be at the American Heart Walk by 7:30 where I volunteered to take blood pressures. I was about 15 minutes early so I decided to relax in my car since it was a bit nippy with a bit of a breeze blowing. I don't recall what I was thinking about at the time, but out of the corner of my eye I saw this brown leaf rustling in the breeze where the windshield goes under the hood. I know the leaves have showed signs of starting to turn, but I thought it a bit strange to have a brown one. As I took a closer look, it took on the formation of a MOUSE's head. Now anybody who knows my past history very well knows I have a thing about those nasty little creatures! My immediate instincts were to draw my knees up to my chest for fear the little monster would find some way to get from under the hood to the inside of my car and run up my leg. I nervously watched my floorboard for a few minutes then decided the nippy air was a better option.

It was an interesting experience today. I was actually working in the stroke screening booth which I didn't know until I got there. All I knew was that I was asked to take blood pressures. Another nursing student from Chattanooga State and I were taking the BPs while two other people would then take the results and do more of a health history and discuss risks with them. I always dread the getting up early thing, but I do enjoy the bit of socializing such events bring.

I met an interesting lady who was from Pennsylvania. It always amuses me that people from PA know instantly that I'm a Mennonite when people from Chattanooga eventually gather up the courage to ask me what I am all about. It turns out that her daughter was the organizer of the heart walk which is what brought her there.

I found my first irregular heart beat today. I was listening to this lady's heart beat when I was taking her pressure and it would just suddenly skip a beat or so. It rather startled me. So I got one of the people in charge to come over, and sure enough, I was right. The other nursing student who volunteered came over to me and asked me to take the blood pressure of a man she had just taken several times. She was quite alarmed because it was 170/88. This was definitely cause for alarm. So I pumped up my cuff, and sure enough, I got about 168/88. So I got one of the nurses to come take it. She also got a high reading and the poor man was quite scared by this time. She reassured him that it wasn't necessarily anything to get really alarmed about. He just needed to make sure he keeps checking it every week to establish if it was an unusual incident or if there was a problem. So that was my excitement for the day. Who would ever have thought that irregular heartbeats and high blood pressures would be exciting???

In a cellular funk

2005-10-12T19:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was in such a funk, I was ready to throw in the towel, but today I feel better. I'm still not totally over it, but definitely back on the upswing. In addition to getting a B on my Assessment exam, I got a B on my Fundamentals exam. Now one B I can handle, but two is just too much. Then I started looking at all my mid-term grades. With that second B, I managed to pull all my classes down to a B. Then my professor for Fundamentals e-mailed that she had thrown out a question which brought my grade up enough to keep me in an A for that class. The exam grade was still a 90 which in nursing school is a B. (Don’t tell me that B’s are good. I know that. They just aren’t good enough for me. Yes, I know I have issues!)

Considering the fact that I had studied for a total of 19 hours in two days for those exams in addition to every spare minute the week before, it was especially devastating to find out that my worst fears have been confirmed in regard to taking leave from work. I will no longer be able to put in for leave without pay. All leave without pay has been turned down and even some of the requests with annual leave. I spoke with my manager about it because I knew it was coming. He said he was quite torn about my situation because he wanted to do all he could for me since I had given so much to them for so long. I do still have 20-some hours of paid annual leave left, so I'm going to be putting in for 1 full day a week instead of 3 half days. That will only last me for 2 weeks, but by that time they have plans to have rehired some people previously let go, so hopefully I'll be able to get some more leave without pay.

After that I felt the need to do something extreme like drive really fast, or watch a cry movie, or listen to music really loudly. I can't afford a speeding ticket, and crying gives me a headache, so I pounded out my frustration on my keyboard at work while listening to the song I want sung at my funeral cranked way up. It did make me feel better after a while.

Currently, I'm working on my first care plan that has to be turned in next Tuesday. It wouldn't be so difficult except that I have to give the scientific rationale all the way to the cellular level for each of my interventions. I was working on it so long today that my frame of mind has turned totally cellular. Tonight at work after my fourth hour of keying, I was thinking to myself that my bum really hurt from sitting so long. But then I had to put it in more scientific terms: more than 32 mm Hg of pressure was being applied to the capillaries perfusing the tissue around my ischial tuberosity, thus occluding the capillaries and causing ischemia evidenced by reactive hyperemia which, if sustained more than 2 hours, would result in hypoxia which could eventually lead to cellular necrosis and a stage I pressure ulcer. I must admit, it tweaked my funny bone and I had to smirk.

I was invited to my first punk rock/beer party! I couldn't help but giggle at the thought.

Stressors

2005-10-10T20:06:00.000-04:00

My assessment course reveals to me that I am at risk for depression with all the stressors I have going on right now.

I survived stressful day number 2 of this week. Yesterday I studied for 14 hours for my test today. After all that work, I totally blew it. I got an 88% which brings my average down to 91%, resulting in a B. I have to have a 92% for an A in nursing school. I'll just have to study that much harder next time. I hate being such a perfectionist! I don't think 2 of the questions were quite fair, but so it goes. The professor said he'd consider my case on the one.

Now I have to start studying for my test tomorrow morning at 9:00. I haven't even looked at it, but at least it's only over 3 chapters rather than 10 like the one for today. But on the other hand, Dr S. doesn't give straightforward knowledge kind of tests. She likes to give us application questions. I did ok last time, but then today I proved I can also bomb.
I can tell my stress level is pretty high because my lips are breaking out in sores which doesn't happen very often with me. I think it's a combination of stress and biting my lip. Additionally, my stomach is feeling quite acidic.

After our exam, we had a lecture then headed for the lab. I think everybody was feeling a little overwhelmed because most of us just sat around with these dazed looks for a while. Then I started asking several of them what their clinicals were like. It was quite amusing to hear tales of giving bed baths. It's my nightmare waiting to happen because the first time is so un-nerving. Somehow it always ended up being females bathing males (even worse nightmare). But we've been thoroughly instructed how to go about it, including the uncircumsized male!

I'm also a little upset by the turn things may take at work. We've been having overtime almost every night, and my supervisor told me last week that she doesn't know if she'll be able to approve my leave anymore. It will be up to S who will probably have to go to J who will probably say no because he doesn't have to look me in the face. I also can't just put in for sick leave without documentation. I can call in, but it goes down as an unscheduled, and we can only do that 3 times in 90 days. If they'd just hire more people!!!! What if I'm forced to quit because I can't handle it? And here I have over 700 hours of sick leave that I SHOULD be able to use. My stress levels are just a hummin'.

Alexian Village

2005-10-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

I've had my first two days of clinicals with real patients. I went in feeling unsure of myself and came through it feeling excited. The first three weeks of my clinicals are at Alexian Village. This place is totally awesome. It a retirement community with three levels of living for the residents. The independent living, assisted living, & skilled nursing care are available along with physical therapy. The residents can move from one level to another as needed. This place is renowned as one of the best retirement communities and attracts residents from many other states leading to some fascinating people.

I met one lady who was one of the first women to ever enter the marines. She told me she chose to enter the marines because her brother did. She adored her brother and wanted to do everything he did. She worked in coding. She also worked as a teacher in Owensboro, Kentucky. She is still very sharp intellectually.

Another lady told me she was married to a doctor and her hobby was painting ceramics. She had some beautiful pieces in her room. She also told me about the house where she grew up. She said she loved to help her mother do the laundry which they did in an outbuilding using big washtubs and scrub boards. They had a well right off their porch and the outbuilding was down the hill. Her father would haul the water down for them to heat. Then he came up with the idea to run a pipe downhill from the well and let gravity carry the water down.

One lady told me she owned and ran a hardware store until she was no longer able to. Her children weren't interested in the business so she sold it and moved to Alexian. Some lawyers bought it from her and use the building for law offices.

One man couldn't remember what kind of career he had. So I asked him some other questions about his life and he quite eagerly told me he loved his college experience. I asked what he majored in, and he said it was English. I asked him if he taught English and he did at both the highschool and college levels. I guess there is more than one way to get at information in their heads.

I had the pleasure of feeding one lady who was quite spunky. I soon caught on that she's sort of a favorite with the CNAs. She told me I was beautiful and she wanted to be my friend. We bantered quite a bit, but when speaking about husbands, she became quite serious. She informed me that she had the very best, and she was quite angry at him for dying so young. In speaking of good days versus bad days, I asked her for her definition of a good day. She said it's a day when you help make somebody else's day better.

These are just a few of the jewels I had the pleasure of meeting.

Emotions

2005-10-04T00:00:00.000-04:00

Wouldn't life be much easier without emotions? At least it would be much better if we could only feel the positive and not the negative emotions. But I suppose it would be like having a world with only bright colors. I've heard life compared to weaving a piece of cloth with multiple-colored threads. It's the dark threads of despair that give depth to the fabric of our lives.

I've experienced both ends of the spectrum today--from the elation of passing check-offs to the absolute pits of despair over an issue I can do nothing about. It's just so much harder to recover from the lows than to come down off those fleeting highs.

I've been struggling to study for the past several hours and just can't concentrate so maybe I can distract myself by blogging about my past week and the future.

I've been stressing out for the past week over check-offs on Thursday, Friday, and today. I've managed to pass all of them, bringing me to the pinnacle of elation. Thursday was the drug calculations test. I wasn't particularly stressed out about that one because I've always done well in Math--and I aced it. Friday was more stressful because there was such a range of things we could be asked to do since it covered any procedure we've been taught except administering medications. I just knew I would have to perform a sterile dressing. It seemed every time I practiced it, I would contaminate something. Then the morning of the check-off, a student returned from their turn and reported that the cleaning/care of a PEG tube was one of the things we might have to do. HORRORS! Nobody had even considered or practiced that because we didn't even have any to practice with! Now I was begging God for the sterile dressing. I ended up having to be the very last one so my stress level was through the roof. I reached into the hat and drew GLOVING!!! This was the absolute easiest thing I could have drawn. I can just imagine God up there smiling at me.

The check-off today was the most stressful one because we've only been in the lab twice for this class (Assessment), and nobody knew what to expect. We could be doing inspection or palpation in almost any category of the head and neck including skin, hair, nails, lymph nodes, eyes, & ears. My assignment turned out to be palpating the toenails of one of my classmates. I wanted to giggle the whole time from the nerves and the hilarity of it. So I squeezed her toenails and assessed her capillary refill, texture, contour, temperature, & pain/tenderness.

I also experienced the gloom of quizzes. I HATE them. Give me a test any day, but please spare me from quizzes. I think quizzes should be used as a generalized measurement to monitor the class's reading assignments. They should not be complicated questions about constitutional defects! It doesn't help any that I really dislike my theory class. I honestly think I could take the same material and teach it much more clearly and in a way that students could see the connection to the real world. But I feel so befuddled all the time! I'm just no good at theory gibberish. Keep it concrete, I say!

On a more positive note, my nursing fundamentals prof indicated that she may refrain from quizzing us tomorrow. I think a classmate was trying to convince her that we have had a bit much on our plates the past few days. Another exciting thing to focus on is that I begin my real live clinicals this week. I'll be starting at Alexian Village, a medical center in a retirement community, at the ungodly hour of 7:00 a.m. on Thursday.

Well, I can't say that I feel much better, but maybe I've distracted myself a little. I guess I could just go to sleep so I don't have to think any more.

Thank God for high cut underwear

2005-09-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

Today, I decided high-cut underwear was another one of the little things I am extremely thankful for. We gave our first injections today in our medication check-off, and I’ve been dreading it all week. It wasn’t the giving thereof, it was the receiving that had me in a dither. I just wasn’t into having my bum exposed to the world of my classmates. Getting an injection in the hip from a nurse in a professional medical environment is totally different from getting one from a classmate that you’ll be practically living with for the next 2.5 years. But things worked so nicely this morning. I only had to pull my skirt down on my hip and hitch the underwear up a little and I had a nicely exposed flank perfectly primed for an injection.

Knowing this was coming, along with some of the other personally invasive procedures we’re having to do in my assessment class, I’ve had to make some adjustments to my normal garb. It makes me feel perfectly heathen-ish, but I’ve gone to wearing skirts and blouses and a veil on Monday (assessment), Thursday, & Friday (clinicals). It’s amazing how hard it was on me to do that even though what I’m wearing meets all the modesty criteria. After agonizing for weeks, I decided it was much more modest to wear a skirt than wear my dress up around my neck for my assessment class. I’ve also totally ruined a covering in a matter of 4 weeks from having to play the patient in a hospital bed. So I just decided that I must be practical and not let it bother me. I had strongly considered switching to a veil at the beginning of the semester before I really knew my classmates because I knew I was going to have to be wearing a skirt and blouse for my uniform. But I just couldn’t go against that “veils are the first step to losing the covering” that’s been drilled into me. Now that my covering no longer has a shape, I’ve had to switch anyway. Only one of my classmates has said anything, and she just commented that she likes my “thingy.”

As a whole, the medication check-off went fairly well, although my fears did come true in that I forgot some of the little things. I was just cruising along getting my meds out and doing the triple check as I was supposed to. I made sure the label was turned to my palm on the syrup that I poured. Then I drew my saline injection without checking the label on the vial. GRRR. But my professor was really cool about it. She told me that she knows when a student is just nervous or just plain stupid. Joey was my patient, and I think he was a little tense because he flinched when I stuck him. He told me later that it didn’t hurt, but he just couldn’t help the flinch. So now I’m looking forward to injecting all those flu shots we’re going to be giving later this semester. It will be much more fun because I won’t be giving it in the hip, and I won’t have to receive one in return.

I have a classmate who is even worse about the whole issue of privacy than I am. It was all she could do to go to a female gynecologist, and I’m right there with her on that. She is freaking out to the point that she is seriously considering dropping out. Not only can she not stand the thought of letting anybody practice on her, but she also can’t imagine herself doing some of these procedures (i.e. catheters, bed baths, etc.) on a real patient. She thinks she could to children but not adults. The only thing that’s keeping her from dropping is that she would lose her scholarship. So she has to stick out this semester or lose her scholarship. I think my experience of having to have total care when I was in the hospital has helped me learn how to just turn my mind off the embarrassment. I hope it will just help me be sensitive to what my patients will be feeling and give them as much privacy as I possibly can.

We only have 3 more class periods left before we start our “real” clinicals. What a thrill to practice on real patients! We’ve been given our rotation schedule, and I’ll be going to 6 different facilities including a children’s hospital, a retirement center, a school, a clinic, & 2 hospitals.

I feel a lot better about my classes now that I’ve cut my work hours down to 28. I am able to study after class before I go to work, and I can tell a big difference although I was concentrating on my check off so much that I’m behind in my reading again. Now that it’s behind me, I can throw away my practice syringes and my saline-saturated orange and re-prioritize my schedule. I just hope that I don’t go into a panic when I get that first reduced paycheck this week. If I could just get that scholarship I applied for, things would ease up a bit. But I guess I’ll leave that in God’s hands.

Spammers

2005-09-04T14:34:00.000-04:00

The spammers have caught up with my blog. I really don't understand what joy these people get out of inundating innocent victims with their unwanted messages. I never even considered this could happen on a blog until I saw it on Sharon's blog. How do they find us? Thankfully, there are some safeguards developed out there to cut down on it, though it's not totally fool-proof. Blogger has word verification that can be turned on so you can't be a victim of a mass automated spamming.

Progress with the panic

2005-09-03T19:07:00.000-04:00

Every time I think I’m getting a handle on things, I start looking around and realize how fast I’m sinking. I don’t even want to think about all the chapters I should have already read and haven’t yet. While I seem to have the biggest shortage time-wise in my class, I don’t think I have it quite as bad as some when it comes to the reading. I can at least read something once and get the general concepts. I have a classmate who is bemoaning the state of his reading abilities. He said what may take one person an hour to read takes him 5 hours. He literally poured over a chapter for that long and it’s not conducive to one’s peace of mind when one has 17 more to go.

On the bright side, I think things have finally been arranged at work to release me from supervising responsibilities on 3 days. I’ve agreed to keep running flats on Friday and Saturday. Tuesday through Thursday I’m planning to take off the first 4 hours of my shift to study. That means I’ll be down to working 28 hours a week. This should help ease my time constraints while putting a considerable strain on my bank account. But I’ve decided not to worry about it, for somehow God will see me through it.

My nursing theory class is the least favorite. We have to write a personal philosophy paper. I’m not really sure what my nursing philosophies are at this point since I have no experience in it. I need to get that paper done sometime this week or the next weekend. That class and Assessment won’t meet Monday because of Labor Day. I’m not sure if I should just totally put those classes on the back shelf and concentrate on getting the other two up to date or if I should do just the required on all of them and then concentrate on studying for my exam in Assessment coming up next time we meet. Ideally, I should study some of my Assessment every day, but being the procrastinator I am….

I really like my professor in my Nursing Fundamentals class. She’s quite interesting. I’ve been having the most fun in my clinicals. We’ve been doing some video watching, but there aren’t really any lectures per se. Often the videos are about a procedure, then the professors demonstrate, and then it’s up to us to practice. We’ve done vital signs, handwashing, lifting/moving patients, changing linens, and restraints. Yesterday was restraints and we took turns being tied up. Then everybody would leave the room and turn out the lights. You were left in the dark to see if you could get out of the restraints. We learned more by our “patients” getting out of the restraints than we did in just tying them up.

I really like the fact that my classmates don’t change for the most part. We have a few RNs doing the gateway program from associates to bachelors degrees who are in our theory and assessment classes. Otherwise, it’s the same 30 students. Since you go through all 5 semesters together, I can understand why the nursing classes become so close to each other. We practice on each other for all the procedures. A few of these people were already familiar to me from my Anatomy, Physiology, & Microbiology classes.

Next week we will be setting up in the University Center to take blood pressures. We’re split up into 4 groups for Thursday & Friday mornings and afternoons. My group is doing it on Thursday afternoon. That should be fun, and we should be really good at blood pressures after doing it for an hour and a half.

Besides doing our normal class assignments, we are also responsible to work through a Math book on drug calculations outside of class. We also have to do some online assignments in our Assessment class, and some online modules which most medical facilities require their employees to complete before working. They concern things like patient rights, safety and disaster responses, handling infectious diseases, and the HIPPA guidelines. I’ve done 11 of my modules and still have 1 more to complete then I can check that off of my list.

I’m looking forward to seeing how much I can get done this weekend and next week. I hope I’ll feel much better about things. My panic has already subsided somewhat knowing that I have a plan of action. I think I need to get myself out of the house to study so that I don’t have any distractions.

In a panic

2005-08-26T22:13:00.000-04:00

I've gotten through my first week as a nursing student, and I discovered quickly that it's not going to be a cakewalk. I'm totally petrified that I won't be able to keep up. One professor told us that she doesn't recommend that we work more than 10 hours a week. Uhhh, I'm working 40! I can understand why 10 hours is recommended, but I think I could work 20 and handle things with ease. But I'm really overwhelmed with all the assignments, which I haven't even touched because I have to work so much. I think I have about 18 chapters that need to be read as well as working the activities that go with them online and in the study guide. Additionally, I need to get my packet of required papers turned in and my fees paid. I really just need some time to organize.

I had a couple days when I went into a total panic, even considering selling my house, quitting my job, and living on loans. I just can't do that though. My house is my baby, and I'm obsessive about being debt-free. Besides, my sisters live in my house, and I can't uproot them. So I'm trying to arrange to get out of my capacity as acting supervisor at work so I'm free to go home early when the mail is low. That would give me some additional studying time. I thought everything was arranged for that starting next week, but then there was a glitch. So I'll continue in my state of panic for now.

I have several positives for the week too. My uniform has been approved by the correct person. Also, we began practicing taking vital signs which was fun. Today we practiced taking blood pressure in clinical until we thought our arms were going to fall off. It makes me feel so much more like a nurse. We also had some really good group discussions. One good thing that's incorporated in our clinicals is half an hour of exercise each class period. That's wonderful because my biggest obstacle to exercising is lack of time. The only problem is getting all sweaty and not having time to go home between class and work. I think that means I'll have to carry deoderant with me at all times.

A Nursing Student checking in

2005-08-22T22:05:00.000-04:00

I’m now officially a nursing student. Today was my first day, and what a day! It began with orientation at 10:00. Lots of professors in and out of the room congratulating us on making it into the program. It is a hard program to get into, after all! I was told today that 125 applied and only 30 were accepted. I know that only 30 are accepted each semester, but I'm not sure how accurate the 125 is. We went over the packet of materials sent to us in the mail to clarify any questions. This took about an hour. Then we tried to get set up to take 2 assessment tests. It took another half an hour to iron out the bugs for that. This left us with only an hour to take 2 tests so we only took the 40 minute one. I’m not sure when we’ll be taking the other one. These tests turned out to be on a website that I think may prove very useful. It’s basically practice testing that helps prepare you for the NCLEX. None of the tests count for or against us in anyway. It just familiarizes you with the type of questions you’ll experience.

After a hike down the road to a deli catering to university students and specializing in pizza and Greek food, we started our first class—Nursing theory. Beginning with a few more welcome speeches by various professors, we each were told to introduce ourselves. Now we had just done this in orientation, and this was the same bunch of students. But I found it interesting anyway because it was a smaller room, you could hear better, and I’d have to hear those names a few more times to remember them all. Besides the “normal” first time nursing students, we had an EMT, an x-ray technician, 2 phlebotomists, and somebody who had just finished his master’s degree in exercise science all pursuing nursing degrees. We also had about 3 associates-degree RNs pursing their BSN.

The nursing department is changing their whole approach/philosophy in teaching this year. I guess we’re the guinea pigs. Everything will be taught from Orem’s self-care deficit theory of nursing. In a nutshell this philosophy approaches nursing from the standpoint that all individuals seek to have self-care and nurses are only involved when there is a deficit—in other words, they can’t care for themselves. I think they focus much more on getting people back to self care as quickly as possible, as well as not getting involved when it’s not necessary. It also involves cultural issues such as religious beliefs against certain treatments with an emphasis on respect for each person’s background and belief system.

We were all given the following questions to be answered as our first assignment:

I chose nursing as my profession because I believe nursing is…
I believe that the core (heart) of nursing is ….
I believe that the “focus” (main purpose) of nursing is….
My vision for myself as a nurse is that I will ….

I have this friend who told me all her answers are “the money” or variations thereof.

After this 2.5 hour class, my afore-mentioned friend and I decided to take the elevator up to the second floor since it was just around the corner and the stairs were all the way at the other end of the building. So we get in, the doors close, and I punch 2. Nothing. Punch 2 again. Still nothing. So Megan punches 3—we start to rise, and she immediately punches 2. Doors open on 2nd floor. We got off and proceeded around the corner in the direction we thought we should logically go. Everything was lit as normal, but we noticed that there was nothing in the rooms we passed. We saw several doors labeled “operating room—do not enter” and “x-ray room—do not enter.” Being the bold person she is, Megan was opening one “Do not enter” door after another with no results. We came to double doors blocking our progress, opened them and found more hallways leading nowhere. We wandered around in circles for a while, but only encountered more doors, more hallways, more dead ends, and more empty rooms. We were giggling quite hysterically by this time and feeling a bit like we were in a great maze. We finally found another elevator and made haste to ascend to the 3rd floor thinking maybe we could cross over that way. This time there were voices and inhabited rooms, but still not the 3rd floor we were used to. We kept walking down hallways until we stumbled upon the nursing section. We made a dash for the stairs and descended with haste to the 2nd floor. This was now familiar territory. Feeling confident once again, we decided to see if we could access the forsaken part of floor 2 on which we’d been lost. We finally discovered that going into a stairwell presented a door on the other side. We shoved it open and discovered our “operating room” once again, only from the other side. So close, and we couldn’t figure it out! So much for our adventure of the day! We decided that this building must have once been a hospital.

Our second 2.5 hr. class was Assessment which we began in the computer lab. We were instructed on how to access things on Blackboard for assignments, documents, and our eventual exams. We were also given usernames and passwords to access the online segment of our course hosted by the publisher.

During the reading of the policies and procedures portion of the syllabus, the professor read one that made me sit right up and take notice. “Swimsuits, halter-tops, or T-shirts may be worn during lab sessions in which you would need to remove outer clothing in order to practice assessment techniques.” OK! SCAREY THOUGHTS!! This is not going to be a comfortable class for me! We’re going to have to take off our clothes in a class of 30 people—and mixed at that! Now what do I do??? And I thought the uniform was complicated! Oh Lord, how much more am I going to have to endure? And what was that about respecting patients' cultural and religious beliefs? How about student nurses' cultural and religious beliefs--and make that a Mennonite student nurse while you're at it!

After another half hour of lecturing, I emerged from my first day at 6:30 p.m. with eyes glazed over. I was told Sunday at the Student Nurses Picnic that you feel quite overwhelmed for the first half of the semester. I think I’m beyond overwhelmed—I’m petrified! How am I going to manage all this reading and studying on top of working 40 hours? Lord, I’m going to need much bolstering and some extra brain cells.

All the sitting and thinking overwhelming thoughts produced one positive effect. I felt a need for some serious movement (I think I may be running away on the inside). So I went home, changed into comfortable clothing, and hit the Riverwalk. The temperature was quite pleasant as was the scenery, but it was oppressively humid. I didn’t mind at first because I was still a bit chilled from sitting under an air conditioner vent in my last class. But I was soon covered in a sheen of sweat, and by the time I had walked a mile and a quarter, I was beet red and every stitch of my clothing was soaked, and I don’t usually sweat that much.

Now after some sustenance, I must hit the books. And thus begins my first semester as a Nursing Student.

OCD

2005-08-20T17:37:00.000-04:00

Definition of OCD courtesy of medicinenet.com:

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), one of the anxiety disorders, is a potentially disabling condition that can persist throughout a person's life. The individual who suffers from OCD becomes trapped in a pattern of repetitive thoughts and behaviors that are senseless and distressing but extremely difficult to overcome. OCD affects more than 2 percent of the population, meaning that OCD is more common than such severe mental illnesses as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or panic disorder.

Obsessions--these are unwanted ideas or impulses that repeatedly well up in the mind of the person with OCD. Persistent fears that harm may come to self or a loved one, an unreasonable concern with becoming contaminated, or an excessive need to do things correctly or perfectly, are common.

Compulsions--in response to their obsessions, most people with OCD resort to repetitive behaviors called compulsions. The most common of these are washing and checking. Other compulsive behaviors include counting (often while performing another compulsive action such as hand washing), repeating, hoarding, and endlessly rearranging objects in an effort to keep them in precise alignment with each other. Mental problems, such as mentally repeating phrases, list making or checking are also common. These behaviors generally are intended to ward off harm to the person with OCD or others. Some people with OCD have regimented rituals while others have rituals that change. Performing rituals may give the person with OCD some relief from anxiety, but it is only temporary.

Before I read this definition I had decided that anybody watching my door when I go to leave would decide that I have OCD. Of course, they would be wrong because it's just plain old forgetfulness that makes me leave and re-enter my apartment 2 to 3 times. I forget my water, my cell phone, my fork to eat my lunch--you name it, I'll forget it. Of course, it's mostly due to the fact that I wait until the very last minute to leave then grab my things and rush out the door while taking mental inventory. As soon as I get outside the door, or half-way down the steps, I'll remember something I've forgotten and have to go back and get it.

Then I read this sentence: "Mental problems, such as mentally repeating phrases, list making or checking are also common." Ok, maybe I do have a touch of OCD. I'm the supreme list maker. Phrases get caught in my head all the time. Even worse, I have to type these phrases out--my fingers literally move in typing them. At work I'll tell somebody to switch to flats, turn and walk back to my station, and commence typing "switch to flats" over and over in my head. It drives me insane. Of course, it is the phrase I say most often--it's my job. Then there's the thing with my keys. I'm so petrified of locking myself out of my car (I've done it twice) that I check and recheck that I have them in my pocket or purse before I close that locked door. There have been times I've known without a doubt that I put those keys in my purse and forced myself to close my locked door without checking. I literally cringe when I do it!

So is this normal?

Questions

2005-08-19T21:14:00.000-04:00

Questions I get asked most frequently in Chattanooga:

Are you Amish?

What's the hat on your head for?

Do you drive a car?

Do you make your own clothes?

Do you make your dresses to match your socks? Or do you dye the socks to match the dresses? How can you match them so perfectly?

How long is your hair? Do you ever cut it? Do you wear it down when you sleep? Don't you get tangled up in it?

Are you allowed to date guys who aren't Mennonite?

How can you live without a TV?

Where do you go to church if since there are no Mennonites around here? Will you come to my church?

My favorite comment: "You sure don't fit in the box I tried to put you in."

Homemade bread

2005-08-05T00:17:00.000-04:00

I made some bread this morning for Melissa's birthday. She told me a few months ago that her birthday is today, and she wants some homemade bread and Amish peanut butter. She was describing it to another supervisor who promptly wrote down her birthday for me too. Hers is only two weeks away so I just gave them each a loaf of bread and a container of Amish peanut butter. I also took a loaf along for Scott because I knew he liked it back in BG. He was quite thrilled, especially since he wouldn't have to share it with his wife. He said whenever he took some home before, it would just disappear. I get so tickled at these people's reactions to homemade bread.

Rights or privileges

2005-08-04T12:21:00.000-04:00

As a Christian, do I have rights?

I've been pondering this because of all the grievances filed with the union at work. It seems so wrong to me that people constantly go around looking for things that violate their "rights." If you just look at somebody in a way they perceive as hostile, they file a grievance on you for creating a hostile work environment. Yes, this did happen, but fortunately, not to me—yet! Though I did have a grievance filed against me and another supervisor because we didn't "respect" a person. I'm still bewildered by that one because I don't recall even having feelings of disrespect toward the person, much less speaking disrespectfully. Granted, that incident made me lose all respect for the person, but I think I'm pretty good at faking it.

In the same line of reasoning, consider all the suing that goes on in this country. What ever happened to living a life where you acknowledge your mistakes, ask forgiveness for them, give and receive forgiveness, and go on? A mistake is no longer a mistake; it's a violation, and you must be prepared to pay for it—monetarily is preferred.

I don't think I have "rights" from a Christian perspective; I have privileges, and privileges can be taken away. If I have a "right" to something, it implies that I have earned it. What did I do to deserve the life I live? What makes me so much better than those victims of torture or genocide? Could God not just as easily have placed me in harsh circumstances? Especially in light of the sacrifice Jesus made for me, I am only an instrument to be used in His service to help other people. Why is it so hard to forget that? Is ease and prosperity so pervasive in American society that I begin to think I deserve things even when I haven’t earned them?

Furthermore, I believe that at the heart of the matter is a lack of thankfulness. If I see the good things in life as privileges rather than as rights, I will be thankful for them. “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:15-17, NIV). An unthankful person won’t experience peace—only discontentment.

Lord, save me from this cancerous attitude that pervades our society.

Francis Bacon

2005-08-04T11:20:00.000-04:00

Some of Francis Bacon's aphorisms.....

Towards the effecting of works, all that man can do is to put together or put asunder natural bodies. The rest is done by nature working within.

Neither the naked hand nor the understanding left to itself can effect much. It is by instruments and helps that the work is done, which are as much wanted for the understanding as for the hand. And as the instruments of the hand either give motion or guide it, so the instruments of the mind supply either suggestions for the understanding or cautions.

It would be an unsound fancy and self-contradictory to expect that things which have never yet been done can be done except by means which have never yet been tried.

The cause and root of nearly all evils in the sciences is this, that while we falsely admire and extol the powers of the human mind we neglect to seek for its true helps.

The human understanding when it has once adopted an opinion . . . draws all things else to support and agree with it. And though there be a greater number and weight of instances to be found on the other side, yet these it either neglects and despises, or else by some distinction sets aside and rejects, in order that by this great and pernicious predetermination the authority of its former conclusions may remain inviolate.

Oh the depths to which I had sunk!

2005-08-03T19:59:00.000-04:00

I've been taking classes non-stop since the couple free days after spring semester ended, so I've been doing the very minimum in housekeeping chores. It was beginning to drive me insane, but I knew I dared not take any time to clean when I was writing one paper after another. I finally finished writing my final research paper, and the first thing I did was attack my apartment with a vengeance. I had papers strewn everywhere from all my researching. My tub needed a thorough scrubbing from soap scum. I moved furniture to vacuum, I dusted, and I scrubbed sinks. I had 4 months worth of bills and receipts to file, as well as my papers from my SEMMA bookkeeping. The only thing I didn't do was scrub my kitchen floor which still needs to be done. Then I lit some candles and sat down to relish my clean apartment.

On Monday, I also finished my final which was a take home assignment to write an essay on me as a writer in relation to Gordan Allport's In-group theory and Francis Bacon's Idol's of the Mind theory. We were supposed to identify in-groups and idols (fixations) that influence our writing, especially the barriers that they create for us. I handed that in yesterday morning. This morning I handed in my final research paper--all 18 pages of it. Now I'm FREE for two weeks. Well, I still have to work, but I'm free from studying.

I am planning to go home for a visit and see my eye doctor. I've almost decided to take the plunge and get laser surgery done. I currently use CRT lenses, which correct my vision while I sleep then I can take them out and see fine for about 4 days before my vision starts to blur again. Most of the time I forget to wear them so I go around with blurry vision.

English, baseball, vegetables & Uniforms

2005-07-24T22:38:00.000-04:00

2 more weeks of summer classes! My intensive writing class isn’t turning out to be too bad even though I still don’t like to write. Switching from MLA to APA documentation was a bit of a pain, but I think APA is actually easier. At least I haven’t found it as painstaking a process. I finished my last reading log today that has to be handed in tomorrow morning. Then I have to start drafting my final research paper. I’ve pretty well finished the research process. I’ve already handed in my annotated bibliography, and I’ve got a vague outline in my head of how I want to construct it. I did my outline as I was researching so I wouldn’t forget the ideas I had as I was reading. I was glad I did that because it turned out that when we turned in our annotated bibliographies, we had to give a presentation to the class on our topic. Basically, it was just verbal outlining with some major fleshing out. It helped me organize my thoughts a little more. Now it’s just a matter of sitting down and drafting it. I’ve got to have my first draft done by Tuesday. My professor is big on peer review, so everything we’ve done so far has been peer reviewed to the extreme from our reading logs to our bibliographies. I’ll admit that I enjoyed hearing everybody else’s presentation, and it was fun to see some of these people who just had vague ideas of what they were doing get more focused by the questions and discussions of the class on the topic.

Last week I went to a Lookouts game with one of my friends. The Lookouts are AA baseball affiliate of the Cincinnati Reds and the only professional sports team here in Chattanooga. Well, I have to take that back. We have a professional women’s football team. I’ll admit—I’d like to see that. I only know about it because one of the women at work was a member of the team. I don’t think she is anymore because she broke her hand really badly in a game. Besides, she is now pregnant or just had her baby. It’s the first time I’ve been to a pro game of any kind, but it wasn’t nearly as big a deal as the UK basketball games are.

That day in particular, it was so hot that a lot of people couldn’t take it. I could tell I was getting burned, but I didn’t realize just how bad it was until later. At one point, I felt like I was going to pass out. The blood was just pounding in my head. So I went up into the shaded breezeway for a few minutes. After the game, we went to get something to eat in a cool restaurant. By the time I got home, my forehead was already starting to blister. I looked like a lobster, and for 3 days my face felt like a tight puffy mask with the oozing blisters forming a crusty surface on my skin. When it inevitably started peeling about the fourth day, I actually had some bloody patches under those slabs of skin and it was very tender. I have a feeling I came pretty close to some second degree burns in patches. It was definitely one of my dumber moments, and sun block is on my list of things to take the next time.

Being in a position of speaking to almost everybody at work, if I had to explain my face once, I had to explain it a hundred times. No exaggeration there—I work with 300 people. I think it would be amusing to try to recount all the different advice I got—from applying vinegar to aloe vera; from taking an umbrella for shade to wearing a big floppy sun hat. And one of my co-supervisors told me I had forgotten I was a white girl—he being a black man.

Speaking of dumb moments, I pulled a real doozy the other day. I was navigating through downtown which is always a real adventure when I’m trying out new routes. I was sitting at a red light squinting a few blocks up to see if that was possibly the street I would want to turn on. The light at that street was also red as was the one before that. The light between that street and my street turned green, and I took off. I happened to glance in my rear view mirror and noticed that nobody else was coming. Much to my dismay the light I had just left was still red. My body was instantly suffused with a rush of horror and adrenaline at my absolute idiocy.

I think I’ve solved my uniform dilemma. After much agonizing, praying, and conferring and with the approval of my pastor, I proposed to one of the professors in the nursing department that I would make a navy skirt to wear with the white polo shirt that is supposed to go with navy scrub pants. I told her that my beliefs of modesty would not accommodate the wearing of pants. She was very supportive and said they didn’t want to put any barriers in front of me. Of course, we had a discussion on Mennonites and their beliefs since they aren’t so prevalent around here. She advised me to go ahead and make the skirts and then talk to the people in charge at orientation. She didn’t think it would be a problem as long as the fabric matched the depth and hue of color and was made in a crisp uniform fashion. Do you know how many shades of navy there are? I eyeballed it then bought some fabric. After the fact, I decided that was a foolish thing to do. I should have taken a sample back to the uniform store and see if it matched. So I took a sample of the fabric I bought over. It was a little brighter. So the lady at the store, who was quite sympathetic to my plight, suggested I buy a pair of the pants and go match it to the fabric then return the pants for full credit. I was amazed to find what seems to be the identical fabric the pants are made of. Coincidentally it was on a rack of fabric of various hues commonly seen as scrubs in the hospitals including prints with stethoscopes and bandages, etc. So, though I’m not officially in the clear, at least it seems like a good indication of where things will fall.

Yesterday I got a real hankering for fresh vegetables, preferably “Amish” vegetables. So last night after work, I got myself some frozen vegetables, some tomatoes, and some squash at Wal-Mart. It’s not the same, but at least they still taste good. What I really crave is some corn on the cob and some new potatoes and some fresh out of the garden tomatoes. I had tomato sandwiches for lunch and mixed vegetables for supper. I think I’ll make myself an orange smoothie for my snack in a little while. Wal-Mart has this smoothie mix that’s really easy to make. You just dump the powder, 2 cups of OJ, and some ice in a blender and voila! You can also get the mix for strawberries and bananas (bananas is one of those words that’s a real pain to type—you actually have to think about it!).

By the way, this Wal-Mart happens to be the same one that one of the guys at work was held up at the week before last. He went there after work to get some groceries and a guy came up to him with a knife demanding his money. The would-be thief tried to convince this guy that $20 wasn’t worth his life. The victim just argued back that $20 wasn’t worth going to jail over either. They continued in this fashion until the guy finally gave up and drove off with some buddies waiting in a car. I find it quite amazing this guy had the guts to stand there and argue with him knowing that he is the same guy who was so upset when President Reagan died that he just didn’t think he could stay at work very long. He always has some kind of physical or mental disturbance going on that hinders his ability to stay at work. He was, of course, so shaken by the incident that he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to work.

And so I go on living and learning in Chattanooga…..

Sara

A castle kind of vacation

2005-07-08T18:44:00.000-04:00

Sadly, my vacation time is over for the year. I hope I'll be able to go home for Thanksgiving weekend, but I haven't looked into it yet. I've also got 2 weeks in August between my summer semesters and fall semester during which I may take a day or two off to do some various things that need doing before classes begin again. My vacation week was spent going to class in the morning, catching up some of my domestic chores that needed attention, and helping L. look for an apartment. Her bad credit kept her from even having the option at most places, but she finally found one. I'm so glad she's finally cut herself loose from her boyfriend. Things are finally starting to fall in place for her now. The best part of my escape from work was going to the Mennonite student college retreat hosted by Faith Builders in PA. We stayed at a castle in Franklin, PA that was built by Joseph Sibley in 1913 after a distinguished political career. Life Ministries acquired it in 1969 and it serves primarily as a retreat/conference ministry. This place had enough bedrooms that everybody got a bed and we didn't even fill it up. Some of the rooms were set up as dorms with bunks, and others had just one bed.

The theme of the conference was based on the struggles we as Mennonites face in the conflicts between home (church/community) and college. It was quite interesting listening to the different situations others face. I can't say I've ever faced real conflicts with my professors because they've all been very respectful of the fact that my beliefs are more conservative than the norm. In fact, one of my English professors told me privately that if we discuss issues or if she gives assignments that I'm uncomfortable with, I should just let her know, and we would work something out. Some of the other Mennonite students weren't as fortunate as I have been so far. A panel discussion addressed the question whether we should view our education experience as "getting in there, taking the class, and getting out" or if we should try to develop relationships and make an impact. There were opposing views, of course. I find my own experience to be a bit of a mixture. My busy schedule doesn’t allow for much relationship building so I’m probably a little more on the getting in/getting out end of things. I have made a few connections though that I’ve found to be very beneficial. I can also see how getting really involved in the social aspect of college could validate the typical Mennonite concern against higher education—if you go to college, you won’t stay Mennonite.

On the home aspect of our struggles, we discussed the role of the educated woman in the Mennonite setting. Not only is going to college not the norm in our circles, it’s even more exceptional for a female to do it. Although, it was interesting to note there were more females at this college retreat than there were males. One young lady voiced a concern that was shared by others: does going to college basically mean you’re giving up on the possibility of marriage? How many Mennonite men are going to want to marry a woman who is more educated than they are? And as one young lady so impishly put it: “I’m not sure I want to marry a man less educated than I am.” And then there’s the old salvo we often get, “What’s the point in going to college if you’re just going to get married?” One that was brought up that we didn’t have time to discuss was the issue of men making more money than women doing the same job. This was particularly relevant to the education field. Given my own 7 years of experience in that, I was a bit disappointed we couldn’t discuss it.

Along that line of reasoning was another question that a few major-specific people get: “What are you going to do with that major?” This is a particular frustration to some of the music majors among us. Mennonites are ever the practical people, and if doesn’t appear to be useful to them, what’s the point? Never mind that it happens to be what the person loves and is passionate about.

I thoroughly enjoyed being around “my own kind” having intellectual discussions or just comparing notes. I was amazed at the variety of majors there. By far the most prevalent were the nursing majors like myself, but I think only one was going for a BSN, and none that I know of were planning for graduate school. We had 3 in various stages en route to being medical doctors and 1 thinking about it. 1 majoring in optometry and 1 was in veterinary school. 2 were going for accounting, 1 for finance, and 1 for healthcare administration. At least 3 were going for English. 1 was majoring in chemistry (God bless her!). We had 1 dairy science major and 1 geography major. There were 3 music majors—2 vocal, and 1 instrumental. That’s all I can think of right off the top of my head.

We had several main sessions which involved everybody then we broke up into small groups to discuss things on a more personal level. One of the main sessions was the panel discussion referred to earlier. In another one we did some role playing/skits about our experiences at school or home. They were quite funny, and we may even have some budding actors/actresses or possibly even comedians in our realm.

Ants

2005-06-12T16:10:00.000-04:00

Last summer I had a problem with these tiny ants crawling all over my walls and cupboards. Well, just yesterday when I left for work, I discovered this same species had invaded my car. Now what’s a girl to do when she waits until the last minute to leave for work and finds her car infested with ants? It wasn’t an option to call in late since this was Saturday, and there are no other supervisors to cover for me. So I pretended I was on one of those crazy reality TV shows which involve horrible creatures, and just got in. Fortunately, the ants were mostly contained to crawling over my cup holders and on my dashboard and along the door, not on the seat. But a few did stray onto my person and sacrificed their lives. Now let me tell you, those tiny little creatures can BITE! After the first bite, I kept feeling these phantom ants on my arms, my legs, my face, and my neck. Imagine yourself driving along and seeing a lady in the car next to you randomly smacking herself and you’ll get the picture. Since I couldn’t really deal with the situation in the dark after work, I had to once again face it this morning on the way to church. I think they’ve multiplied. So tomorrow morning when I head for class, I shall go armed with my ant spray.

Tomorrow morning is my last lecture in Pathophysiology then an exam on Tuesday and a final on Thursday brings it to a complete end. In the meantime, statistics is fairly simple since it’s just math, but the homework assignments are so numerous I can’t keep up. Hopefully after this next week, I’ll be able to handle it better. Since I’ve had my Sunday afternoon nap, I must once again tackle my studies.

Music and Classes

2005-06-01T01:12:00.000-04:00

On the subject of music, recently I’ve actually had more of a chance to listen to music other than just in the car on the way to and from work/class. Last week I did my required keying time for 3 days after I came back from New York. I really enjoyed being able to just chill and listen to music while shucking the load of responsibility off my back for a change. I could be just a normal person. Of course, I don’t know how many times I had to explain to people that I wasn’t being punished, nor were they. I was just fulfilling my quarterly keying requirement. You’d think the world was going to grind to a stop to hear them whine. Honestly, sometimes I feel like a mom, and a lot of my kids are older than I am. But I digress…..my current CD I’m wearing out is Il Divo which is a quartet of previously undiscovered opera singers. Most of the songs are in Latin and I don’t understand a word of it, but their voices are swooning material. I also listened (over and over and over) to Charles Billingsley sing the song I want sung at my funeral. (How morbid is that!) I love this song because I just think it paints such a beautiful picture of ultimate bliss.

Golden Streets

I've just discovered life here is easy
The hard work is over when hearts stop their beating
My moment is done, I've run out of time
But I want you to know, I'm just fine
I am thankful for His grace
It's because of His love that I'm in this place

Now I'm walking golden streets
I'm splashing in the Crystal Sea
I've watched a lion kiss the lamb
And I've been held by His nail-scarred hand
I've seen the Father and His glorious throne
I can't believe I'm calling heaven home
Don't you worry, don't you weep for me
'Cause I'm walking, walking golden streets

Rubies and diamonds don't mean a thing
All of their beauty is under my feet
Sapphires and pearls scattered round
They don't compare to the beautiful sound
Of angels singing praise to my Lord
And I will be listening forevermore

Now I'm walking golden streets
I'm splashing in the Crystal Sea
I've watched a lion kiss the lamb
And I've been held by His nail-scarred hand
I've seen the Father and His glorious throne
I can't believe I'm calling heaven home
Don't you worry, don't you weep for me
'Cause I'm walking, walking golden streets

I'm more at peace now than I've ever been
I spend my days just praising Him
I've reaped the blessings of a faithful life
There's no way to describe
Jesus by my side....

Now I'm walking golden streets
I'm splashing in the Crystal Sea
I've watched a lion kiss the lamb
And I've been held by His nail-scarred hand
I've seen the Father and His glorious throne
I can't believe I'm calling heaven home
Don't you worry, don't you weep for me
'Cause I'm walking, walking golden streets

I've always tended to latch on to songs that will fit some future occasion like my funeral or my future wedding--the funeral I'm certain of, the wedding I'm not! When I'm feeling really blue, I'll listen to Michael W Smith or Clay Aiken sing Bridge Over Troubled Water which doesn't really help my frame of mind--it just makes me cry. But I love the words:

Bridge Over Troubled Water

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

On the subject of classes, I had my second exam this morning after studying all day Sunday (after church) and all day Monday. I couldn’t sleep very well last night because of all the information swimming around in my head. It seems to go that way quite often for me, especially when I don’t feel prepared for a test. I missed one question and I could kick myself over it. It was multiple choice over the gland which stimulates the hormone ACTH (adrenocorticotrophic hormone). Since one of the choices was adrenal gland, I just jumped on it without thinking when, in fact, it acts on the adrenal gland but is released by the anterior pituitary gland. GRRR. Somehow I think I’m doomed to always miss one on a test no matter how hard I try. I start my second summer class this Thursday. I hope it’s not too difficult. It’s statistics and the professor has good reviews on www.ratemyprofessors.com so maybe I can breeze through it without too much stress. This class does overlap my current class by about 2 weeks which won’t be good over finals, but after that it shouldn’t be too bad.

I’ve discovered a new snack courtesy of www.oprah.com. The best part about it is that it’s low calorie if you are interested in that sort of thing. I fixed some sugar free jello and put in some of my canned peaches. Then in an 8 oz. glass, I layered some jello then some fat free whipped topping, then sprinkled on some walnuts, then started the layering all over again until the glass was full. Quite a refreshing snack with practically no calories!

Saturday was the first Saturday I’ve worked in quite a while with all the weekends I’ve been taking off. I was once again reminded why I abhor working on Saturdays. I had to put up with a bunch of rubbish once again and found myself constantly reminding myself that Christians need to have pure and charitable thoughts even toward those who are trying their best to become the enemies we are commanded love. I was not feeling much love at all no matter how I tried to scrape some from the depths of my soul. So how does one do this in the heat of the moment? With all the restraint that was within me, I just bit my tongue, kept my communication to the absolute minimum and prayed that this too shall pass (and quickly please, Lord!). Though the crisis has passed for another week, I keep pondering how one is to be capable of that level of sainthood. Am I so shallow that it just isn’t within me? I’ve tried praying for this person. Isn’t praying for someone supposed to change your attitude about them? It’s not working, folks! The sad thing is that I think I could really like this person under different circumstances. I know it’s not just a hang up I have toward this person because I’ve been told in no uncertain terms by other supervisors that they couldn’t put up with it. In fact, the last two Saturdays, 2 different ones have taken over my duties in my absence. Both of them lost their cool and had WORDS which (shame on me!) rather amused me.

I’m off to grab some much needed sleep….

I've conquered my gremlin

2005-05-13T01:33:00.000-04:00

Here’s the deal. I’ve been having a problem with my e-mail and I couldn’t figure it out. I thought at one time I did, but then I didn’t after all. It was like some gremlin was eating all my e-mail. I knew I had e-mail because I had seen it when I checked at work, but it just wasn’t downloading it into my mailbox. After a short period of time, it also had disappeared from my web mail account. The only thing that was different was that I have a new computer and had been using Outlook instead of Outlook Express, but that shouldn’t have made any difference. Then today I discovered the culprit. It was my spam killer program on my new computer. For some odd reason, it downloads my e-mail into that program—both the ones it blocks and the ones it accepts. I found lots and lots of e-mails in there. But in trying to disable this program, I ended up deleting all those e-mails.

I rid myself of another stressor that’s been disrupting my peace of mind. I was so busy setting up my computer then battling with my e-mail that I didn’t really notice that I was missing my external hard drive I had ordered with my computer. I did think about it not being there, but when I read the packing list it wasn’t on it. I was fairly certain I had ordered one, but I decided I must have deleted it since I kept making changes to my order before finally submitting it. Then the other day, I came across my order confirmation and there it was at the bottom of the list at the cost of $150. Now I was sick because I had thrown away some of my packing materials and I just knew it must have been in there, and I had just missed it. So I decided I’d have to call Dell to see what the deal was. But I didn’t have time because I’ve been trying to get my reading assignment done (all 11 chapters!). Then today when I went to pay my water bill at the office, they told me that I have a package there. Instantly, I was flooded with relief because it had to be the missing hard drive—it was!

I’m off to Kentucky tomorrow to watch my baby sister graduate from high school. Hard to believe! I guess that means I should get started packing—I hadn’t even thought of that. I’ve arranged my days off so I can have off Friday, Saturday, & Sunday. Some of that time I’ll have to be studying for my exam on Monday morning.

Mixed in with all that, I’m sort of caught in the middle of trying to help one of my friends from work get out of a very bad relationship. I think I’ve talked to her 5 times on the phone tonight, both at work and here at home. She’s quite distraught and very frightened of what her boyfriend will do. I’ve seen for myself what warped things he's capable of doing. I think the last time I talked to her a few minutes ago, I managed to calm her down enough that she’ll be ok for tonight. I think she may be my mission from God at the moment.

On the schooling front, I did decide to go ahead and accept my admission to nursing school in the fall. I’ve decided I’ll just have to exist without a social life for 2 ½ years. After I get through this Pathophysiology class, I’m going to have to tackle the problem of the uniform. It is required that you buy the school uniform at a certain place, and as it turns out, this uniform consists of navy blue scrub pants and a white scrub top. Now as you know, no good little Mennonite girl can wear pants in public, so what is she to do? I had been envisioning white dresses and all that. But I’ve decided I’m not going to worry my head about that little annoyance right now. I’ll just have to go have a word with the administration at some time in the near future.

And so life goes on…..

I got in!

2005-04-30T12:53:00.000-04:00

Finals are over, grades are in, and I made all A’s—WHOOHOOO!!! I’ve crept up to a 3.931 now.

I received the long anticipated letter and a packet of information telling me I have been accepted into Nursing School this fall contingent on my receiving at least a C in Pathophysiology this summer. It’s quite a thrill to know I got in. Now I am faced with the dilemma of whether to accept the acceptance. My foreign language requirement is the real dilemma. I wanted to take German, but this is only offered in the fall. Since German isn’t offered in the summer, I’ll have to take Spanish instead. My schedule for my nursing classes won’t allow for any other classes. This means I will have to take the remaining 25 hours of general education classes during the summer semesters. Translation—no rest for the weary brain until 2008.

And then there is the fact that my best friend at school didn’t get in. She’s so depressed about it. She has also decided to apply at other colleges. She’ll only be able to get an associates degree, but at least she’d be able to get a job sooner. Another one of my friends was turned down, and her gpa was 3.30. I can’t imagine that all 30 applicants who were accepted had higher than that. It’s unrealistic. I guess that means I should take my opportunity now lest I get another B to knock me off my 3.93 pedestal.

The things a person must go through to get into the program are quite rigorous. First I must get a background check done on myself to see if I’m fit to be around people. Then I must get the dreaded physical exam. From the list on the form, this is going to be quite thorough. Besides the normal height/weight/pulse/blood pressure/vision, I have to have blood and urinalysis tests. The pap smear and rectal exams are highly recommended but not required! I also have to start a Hepatitis B vaccine series, which I was expecting, as well as a yearly TB skin test. I’m required to have a Tetanus shot if I haven’t had one in the last 10 years, which I probably haven’t. I must also become certified in CPR this summer.

Now here’s the real kicker. In addition to the $2,047 for tuition, I can expect to incur another $880.50 in expenses. The first semester is the worst, but every other semester has a minimum of $232.50. That’s a little more reasonable because I was paying at least that much in textbooks before anyway. The first semester I will have the costs of a background check, stethoscope, watch with a second hand, uniforms, shoes, CPR certification, liability insurance, TB test, Hepatitis vaccine ($105!!!), physical exam, HIPPA training materials, nametags and patches, and the $65 to take the standardized tests we are required to take every semester.

On a different note, I have my new computer all set up and running. I think I’m finished transferring all information from the old to the new. There are few things as satisfying as the speed of a new computer. And then there are all the bells and whistles the old one didn’t have. I can’t imagine how they keep coming up with better things. It makes me think that eventually I won’t be able to keep up with the learning curve of new technology. I’ll become one of those cliché people who can’t program their own VCRs. My living room looks like a hurricane went through it. I have boxes and packing materials and papers strewn across the floor and furniture. There’s no way of looking organized in such a small space so I gave up. I need to reformat the old computer and decide what I’m going to do with it. I’ve offered my boss at work the use of it until he gets his own problems worked out with a virus he got. After that, I’ll probably donate it to my church. Maybe the teachers can use it.

It’s quite dark and dreary outside today which is typical of our weather the last week. It’s so disappointing to have such gorgeous 70 and 80 degree weather then turn around and have 30s and 40s. I’ve been trying to resist turning the heat back on, but I did relent on a particularly cold day. I actually had to scrape the frost off my windows on the morning of my last final. And, of course, it’s been raining all week. It makes for luscious green lawns and trees, but I want some sun! Since I didn’t have classes to go to this week, I got out a couple of mornings and hiked up my mountain nearby. The cool weather felt good then.

Time marches on

2005-03-06T09:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of the closing of the Bowling Green REC. It seems amazing to me that I've been a Tennessean for over a year. I'm just glad I have such a hectic schedule to make time go by very quickly.

This anniversary date brought reflections on how a life can change so drastically. I worked there for almost 8 years and interacted with the same people for the majority of that time. Most of the people I saw 5 days a week and only learned the majority of their names in the last 4 months I worked there. Now in a year's time, I have only seen some of those people once or twice and some not at all. It makes me think of that poetic thought of imprinting the lives of those around you. Some of those people have made a lasting imprint on my life that I'll never forget, and others I haven't thought of even once.

A recent development at my current job has me in a much more positive frame of mind. The former MREO at the Bowling Green REC, has come to work with us. He's been with us for two weeks now. He's slated to eventually be our MREO here. He was one of the few people in upper management that I always had the utmost confidence in his ability to do his job. He chose to leave the postal service to pursue a life on the "outside". In the year since we closed, he has been unable to find a job. He was repeatedly told he was over-qualified for a job. He is having to live here during the week while his wife remains back in Nashville which is very hard on him. His experience has reconfirmed in my mind that no matter how badly I may hate a job, I will never voluntarily let go of one before I have another one in place.

So while the one year anniversary of a drastic twist in my life makes me nostalgic, I'm in a much better frame of mind about my working environment. My life is being enhanced by a drastic and painful twist in another person's life. I know that the drastic twist in my life can also enhance the lives of the people here. As Scott observed on his second day here, "These people love you." It makes me feel good, and it's also what kept me from quitting my supervisor position every time I wanted to so badly. Quitting would have alleviated an enormous amount of pressure, but "my people" would have been adversely affected, and I couldn't let them down.

So time marches on......

Babies and movies

2005-02-14T00:15:00.000-05:00

Another week in the life of Sara.....

Today was a little out of the ordinary for me. I took care of my friend Lori's baby for the day. She brought him over around 11:00 this morning and picked him up this evening. He slept most of the time since he is still quite young--about 4 to 6 weeks. Babies are such innocent creatures--it's quite humbling to care for them. I never fail to wonder what they will be like as an adult when I hold them.

Yesterday I made some cream pies, but they just never turn out like Carol's do. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. The flavor is still good, but the texture just isn't as creamy as my mind thinks it should be. I also made some chicken breasts marinated in Italian dressing for lunch. I guess I was having a domestic weekend--cooking, laundry, and babies.

I watched a very thought-provoking movie this afternoon. Have any of you seen Bowling for Columbine? I didn't realize that there was such a huge difference in the statistics of murder by gunshot of the United States compared to all other countries in the world. According to that movie, the U.S.A. had over 11,000 deaths by gunshot the year of the Columbine massacre and the closest country to that was only several hundred deaths. So the big question is--why are things so different in our country? Any ideas out there?

Another movie I watched gave me one of those very quotable quotes on the topic of feeling like your life needs to have made an impact on the world to have been significant. Don't we all feel that way at times? Anyway, the quote is as follows: "Breathing is all it takes to be a miracle." Isn't that just the coolest thing?

A friend from work has a birthday very close to mine and wants to do something to celebrate. We've come up with this brain storm of visiting Savannah, GA. I've always wanted to go, so we're going to go down on my spring break. It turns out that they have this really big St Patrick's Day celebration where they try to turn the river green. It's supposed to be secondary only to New York City and Chicago in celebrating. This celebration begins on the 12th of March and we're going to be down there until the 13th. So that should be interesting.

I was really tickled for my college buddy--Nicole--who entered the beauty pageant for Miss UTC. She won 1st runner up which means she won 2 cash prizes. She doesn't know how much yet, but she was really stressed that she was in danger of losing her scholarship because of her GPA. She came over last Monday and I altered her dress for her. I was a bit intimidated because it was only a borrowed dress and worth $300. She was supposed to return it to the store sponsoring her in the same condition she took it in. I had to work around all these hand-sewn sequins that covered the dress. That was quite a challenge, and she hadn't yet taken out my stitches the last I talked to her. I also made her a sarong cover-up for the bathing suit competition which she said was a big hit with her competitors.

I've got a lab test coming up this week that I need to study for tomorrow since I didn't touch my books today. I also have a quiz in the other lab tomorrow morning that I still need to study for.

Bloopers

2005-02-05T13:02:00.000-05:00

At work last night, I was speaking with some of my buddies about our work habits carrying over to our homes in our phone answering techniques. Some of you may have experienced it too. I always answer the phone at work in the following manner: "Chattanooga REC, this is Sara." And I've been on the verge of it at home a few times.

Well, these two friends I was talking to both work at Blue Cross Blue Shield during the day. The one is in customer service and he always answers the phone: "Thank you for calling Blue Cross Blue Shield, How may I help you?" So the other night he was praying before he went to bed as he always does. He said he always starts his prayers, "Dear Lord....." Well this time he says, "Dear Lord, Thank you for calling..." Then he just went hysterical, apologizing to the good Lord in between bouts of laughter. I, of course, went hysterical upon hearing it. I chuckled for the rest of the night over that one, and am still smiling over it.

Another one from work...

I have this friend who is just priceless. She has me in stitches quite frequently. The other night was another good one. She was asking me if I knew where she could get her tax forms--1040 EZ to be exact. I told her I thought she could get them at the library. She thought you could get them at the post office, and I told her I think she's right. So she wondered if we'd have them there at work. I was sure we didn't. It's only in the public places that they put them out. But, I told her I'd just find her one online and print it out for her. She was just amazed and thrilled that I could do that. So I went to irs.gov and proceded to do it for her. I brought them to her, and she got this bewildered look on her face and said, "But they're not green!" After I explained to her that the IRS doesn't care what color your tax forms are, just the color of your money, she could see the humor in it too.

Things haven't been too bad for me in the exam department of my life. I had one on Monday which resulted in a 105, much to my delight. I have another one this coming Monday that I should be studying for right now. I really didn't want to spend another Sunday studying, but it looks like I'll have to.

Tomorrow I'm going to New Covenant Church again. My friend Lisa (the one who wanted the tax form) wanted to go together again like we did once before. We eat together afterward so I'm sure I won't get started on my studying until late afternoon. And I'm sure my body will be crying for a nap at that time, as usual. Now the next Sunday, I may be able to have a normal Sunday. I think I'm going to go get my friend Lori's baby to play with. She's thrilled with the idea of a day to do whatever she wants without her baby to consider. He's cute as can be, only about a month old, and his name is Yuriel Phoenix.

Last night I had a break from supervising my flats operation. I got to key instead, and a welcome change it was. I had e-mailed my boss to ask for a break. I said two weeks would be wonderful, but I'd be happy with one week. I got one day. But I think I may be getting more in the future because he wants to train somebody else to do my job. So I listened to music all night and talked to friends on my breaks.

Speaking of music, my current favorite song that I play over and over is "Bridge over Troubled Water." Michael W Smith and Clay Aiken both sing it. When I'm feeling blue, it makes me cry. When I'm not, I just love the sound of the music. It's one of those pieces that just flows over you. And if you like to howl along with your music, the chorus is great for that. I've also been playing this CD that I got of various artists playing Keith Green's music. I just love that one too.

Pondering Beauty

2005-01-22T10:58:00.000-05:00

Since I'm feeling particularly philosophical at the moment, I believe I shall attempt to establish my thought patterns on the subjectivity/objectivity of beauty.

I think beauty is subjectively objective. Am I riding the fence by saying that? Maybe so, but then most issues have relevant points on both sides.

First, my dictionary defines beauty as a combination of shape, color, sound, etc. that pleases the senses. After reading that definition, my instincts would be to say that beauty is definitely subjective since different things please different people. Everybody would probably agree that a sunset is beautiful (objectivity). But then, how can one person just briefly glance at it, feel a moment of pleasure, and go on about his business while the second person is so awed by it that he must stop and gaze a while?

Now the objectivity in beauty to me is the fact that God created all these things and the beauty is there all along whether I subjectively perceive it or not. The beauty becomes more readily apparant as one peels back the layers of obscurity. The second thing I see in the objectivity is that humans tend to naturally appreciate things more that have a sense of balance and order which I believe is a God-trait.

On the other hand, I think that every person is "socialized" into perceiving some things as beautiful and others as not. Most particularly, this would apply to physical appearances or even fashion. Really ponder the trends of fashion over the years--it is standards thrust upon society which you either accept to be "in" or reject and become a "nerd" to society at large. I really don't perceive the newest "shaggy" trend as being beautiful, but it sure seems to be taking a hold on society. '70s here we come!

On further reflection of my own tastes and what pleases me, I find that knowledge plays a great part in what tickles my senses. The more knowledge I have of an object, the more I perceive it as being beautiful.

Here are some rather humble examples:

I have always appreciated interior decorating and find some things beautiful and others rather distasteful. But I have never appreciated the beauty of it as much as after I decorated my own house. If I walked into my kitchen never having seen it before I'd think that was some nice wallpaper (as many people think on seeing it for the first time). But, knowing that it isn't wallpaper but, rather, paint artfully applied to the walls in a painstaking manner to get just the right look--I find the walls much more pleasing to the senses.

On a more scientific level--the more I study the body and the way all the cells work together to make a working person, the more beautiful I find the body is. I see the common zit and no longer see it as just a disfiguring mark on the face. I think--inflammation of sebaceous gland in the integumentary system. I think of the way that beautiful body is going to respond on the cellular level to eliminate the bacteria via macrophages.....ok, I know that may bore you....but there is the subjectivity--I think it's beautiful.

Or how about a concrete floor. To me it's just a floor. It just doesn't please my senses to think about how they take stones and mix it with various materials, add water and make something hard. It's just an ugly floor to me. But that doesn't mean some male of the concrete industry can't look at that same floor and think what a beautiful job somebody did on that.

So I must conclude that beauty is subjective because it's based on an individual's perception. Conversely, beauty is objective because it's still there whether we appreciate it or not. The challenge is to find the ability or desire to see the beauty in the ordinary.

New Beginnings

2005-01-11T12:44:00.000-05:00

The new year has begun and so far the outlook seems to be good. I spent 10 days at home between Christmas and New Year. It was a thoroughly enjoyable time since I did nothing of any consequence. I slept quite a bit, opened presents, watched movies, played computer games, met with old friends, went to church, went shopping, went to a basketball game at WKU, and sewed one dress. In other words, I was totally lazy and loved it!

Upon returning to work, I was greeted with such joy and enthusiasm that it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The last time I got so many hugs was when I went to the New Covenant Church here in town. The official word on the job security issue is that we are safe for at least another year. The next round of closings were announced last week for Duluth, MN and Princeton, NJ.

On the school front, I'm once again in the groove. We started back on the 5th so I've got a week behind me already. I've got a very easy schedule this time. I had originally signed up for German, but it turned out to be the second level instead of the first. I would have felt like an idiot if 4 other people hadn't done the same thing. The professor was quite impressed by my German last name. I could probably have caught up and made it through the class if I had wanted to cheat myself out of study time in my other classes. Even then, there was no guarantee that I'd make top grades which is just less than acceptable for me. So I went ahead and dropped that class. I'll take it in the fall instead. So that leaves me with 2 classes for a total of 8 hours. All the other classes I could have fit into my schedule were closed. Summer classes--here I come.

My first class is at 9:00 which is the microbiology class that I was afraid I couldn't get into. I was dreading that class, but it turns out that it's going to be my easiest class. The professor is very nice. She doesn't use a text books which saves us $100+ for which I'm VERY grateful! But that means I must take precise notes, and as I told one of my friends in the class--no zoning out during lecture. Fortunately, she makes note-taking easy too. We had our first lab yesterday. We took a drop of pond water mixed with hay and put it on a slide for viewing under the microscope. It was just the coolest thing watching all those paramecium and other living organisms swimming around in there. For those of you who like to swim in lakes and ponds....you've got lots and lots of company. This lab has very precise protocols for entering and exiting the lab. We have to wear some sort of cover-up or apron to protect our clothing and we have to disinfect our hands and table tops upon entering and exiting. This is because we will be handling harmful bacteria. I believe next lab will be on E-coli.

My 10:00 class is physiology. Now this class is basically a repeat of anatomy except it's a little more detailed in the way things work rather than the parts themselves. This will be my hardest class. Since physiology has a lot to do with cells and molecules, I foresee a lot of chemistry. In fact, yesterday during lecture, the professor went off into this thing of how ADP and ATP are made from the oxidization of glucose which involves the removal of hydrogen from the glucose chain forming water and carbon dioxide molecules--it left my head swimming and brought back memories of my chemistry nightmare last summer. Maybe it's a good thing I only have two classes. My first lab for this class won't be until Thursday, but I've looked through the manual and it looks quite scary.

The temperatures in Chattanooga are quite mild at this time. Today is overcast, but yesterday was very sunny and in the mid to upper 60s. After I got out of class, I came home and had a bite to eat. Then I went to wash my filthy car. It had accumulated this disgusting film of salt from my trip to KY. Of course, it was already dirty before the trip and has been screaming for a bath for quite some time. I just couldn't resist the call of the outdoors so it seemed a good time. After I finished, I decided to go hiking. For those of you who haven't been to see me (AHEM), I live on the lake and on a mountain ridge. Just down the road, there is this beautiful park which has a 5 mile hiking trail that follows a creek which flows into the Chickamauga Lake. When you first start out, you can hear the constant noise of the vehicles on the parkway, but as you go farther into the woods, they fade away and nature becomes the music of the ears. At one point the trail overlooks a rock quarry which seems to drop down forever. A lot of people use this park to go running with their dogs, canoeing, row boats, and fishing especially on the weekends. It wasn't as busy yesterday. I only saw a handful of people so it was quite peaceful. Even when there are a lot of people, you only see them occasionally since the trail is so long and has so many hills and bends.

I was quite tuckered out when I finally retreated to my apartment after the sun had set. And as usual, all desire to read my physiology textbook had fled so far away that I couldn't find it again. So it still looms over me even after a weekend with plenty of opportunity. So I shall continue on in my procrastination until guilt overcomes me once again.

Finals Finals Finals

2004-12-06T21:27:00.000-05:00

I believe I shall take the time to do an update of my current misery while taking a break for lunch. Things are definitely hopping in my life. Today was my last class for the semester. WHOOHOOO!! But, alas, that means much anxiety until finals are over.

I have been pretty well free of my English class for a while. We had conferencing all week which lasted all of 3 minutes for me. My last essay was returned to me and my current grade was given. I had already revised all my essays for my portfolio except for the one that was returned to me that day. I really think it absurd that a person has to have 3 English classes if that isn't one's love language. Surely, by the second one, it should be evident whether one can write or not. I dread the final which is on Wednesday, for it will consist of in-class writing which I HATE! I also don't like the fact that a person can't tell how badly they can do on the final and still get an A. I need concrete numbers here, and how is one to quantify writing?

My music class should be a breeze. I'm already pretty familiar with all the terms and I don't think the listening parts will be very difficult. Plus, I only need a 66 to still get an A in the class. So I shall spend only a brief amount of time studying for this final which shall assail me on Friday.

Now the other final I have on Friday is truly the bane of my existence. It is my World Civ exam. Now this one will truly take some brain straining. My professor has already informed us that he will be expecting more of us this time around since we have a whole 2 hours. The problem is, his exams are no easy feat. I thought I put a lot of effort into the last one and only squeaked out the minimal 90 for an A, and he expects more??? As is his usual forte, he has given us 65 terms which we must define as to their relevance to a specific historical context as well as 54 map IDs. Additionally, we have the dreaded essay. (Why must it always be writing that haunts me?) He has suggested he may ask us to discuss changes in the world's major religions during the post-classical period. Have you any idea how many religions were around between 500 and 1000? Now this doesn't just include the origins and spread of these religions--no, we must include such things as the particular beliefs and gods of those religions as well as institutions developed by those religions. Take, for example, good old Christianity with which we are most familiar. I would have to discuss the spread of it throughout the Byzantium Empire and Western Europe as well as the division between Rome and Constantinople to form the Roman Catholic church and the Eastern Orthodox church along with things like monasteries and all the things that go with it. Now that is just one religion, not to speak of Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, Jainism, Daoism, and Confucionism. Of course, this isn't the only thing I must prepare for. He has also hinted that he may ask about the efforts at establishing order in the post-classical era and their long-term consequences to areas of Western Europe, China, India, Islam (Arabia), and Byzantium (Mediterranean region). There again, we have the rise and fall of many empires and kingdoms. Some have centralized governmental administration, some decentralized...Oh my head, my head, my head!!!! I truly think he has way overdone the degree of difficulty for a general ed class, for the goal of general education is to achieve enlightenment by brief glimpses into all areas of knowledge. This is not so brief...it verges on microscopic. But I shall cease my complaining and get to studying. At least I won't have to worry about my Anatomy final until this weekend.

In studying agony......

The Caffeine Junkie

2004-11-02T13:03:00.000-05:00

I've decided to take some ill-affordable time to give an update from the life of this caffeine junkie. Hopefully I can give myself some perspective as writing sometimes does. I seem to be sleepy all the time. Even after the few nights when I get some decent sleep, I just go through this haze, wanting more. So I've turned to caffeine pills. I actually got something done this morning while feeling alert. I know it's bad for me, but I must be able to think.

Currently I feel caught in an endless cycle of stress. One source passes only to be overwhelmed by another. My calendar is filled with red circles indicating some deadline or exam date. The only week that has no red circles is the week of Thanksgiving after which I only have two weeks of class left--the real crunch time! But, on the positive side, with those stresses come the victories of A's!!! I'll admit, I just barely made it with my last History exam. I squeaked by with a 90.5.

I've decided a person must truly love and thrive on History to really "get it." While I think it's vaguely interesting, it's like pulling teeth to analyze these historical documents and write a synopsis of life in those times or to write an essay on the rise and fall of the empires of the classical period--all on the fly. The history workshop that is due tomorrow consists of looking at two mosaics and from those give the theoretical and literal role Theodora, wife of Justinian the Byzantine emperor, had. It's just a picture, good grief! Why must one try to read between the lines when one doesn't see the lines to start with????

English is another bane to my existence. I just finished my research paper on which political candidate is the best choice for the presidential election 2004. We had to pick two issues in their platforms and say why our pick was better than the other based on their stances on those two issues. It really wasn't that difficult an assignment, but I didn't get to even start on it until Sunday. Then I had to spend the whole day on it. I was so sick of looking at my computer screen and wanted so badly to just get out into the real world for a day. But I persevered and now it's ready for peer review tomorrow.

Anatomy is just as interesting and difficult as ever. The lectures are boring, but the labs are fascinating. Last week we dissected a sheep's eye and brain. Imagine poking a hole into the eyeball with a scissors then cutting it in half. I had the honors since my lab partner is squeamish about it. I was then asked for help from another team who couldn't get their eyeball to puncture. So I proceed to puncture their eyeball and it spurted black gunk all over me. YUCK! The eye is quite fascinating and easy to identify all the parts. The brain has so many parts to identify which makes it more difficult. The cerebellum looks like cauliflower. I shall never look at cauliflower the same again.

Yesterday disaster befell me once again. I was on my way to class with my car raising a tremendous squeal all the way. Suddenly there was a loud thunk and I lost my power steering and my alternator. I wrestled it into a gas station and called my brother for advice. We decided it would be better for me not to try to drive it to the mechanic since the water pump may have been locked up or possibly one of the pulleys which would have burned up the belt. Mind you, I had just gotten a new alternator and two new belts 3 weeks ago. There was no reason for this belt to break now. So I had to wait for an hour for the tow truck to come get me. Thank goodness for AAA! Upon arrival at the repair shop, I found it would take an hour and a half just for them to get it in to look at it. So I decided to rent a car. I just can't go without wheels, and I have no family close by to borrow from. So I am currently driving a rental. The mechanic told me that nothing is locked up and the pulleys seem to be fine. He thinks the other place I was at just didn't put the belt on right. I also needed new spark plugs and bushings.

All this mess caused me to miss my first 3 classes. The first one I didn't really mind. The second one I didn't want to miss because some of my class mates were going to debate their presidential candidate choices. The third one was a test. OUCH! Fortunately, my music teacher had compassion on me and let me make it up at 6:30 last night along with two other people who had good excuses for missing.

I'm looking forward to next week when I will be free of any supervising responsibilities to be a normal keyer. I have to key within 120 days or I lose my bid job which I do NOT want to do. So I informed them they can let me key this week or next and I'm firm on that. So next week it is--the last possible minute. The only negative is that I know my keyers are going to be whining to me every day which, though it makes me feel good that they appreciate me, also frustrates me because I have no back up. My advisor at school told me I shouldn't feel guilty about it because my first priority is school. But I can't help it. I just care about what I'm involved in. Last week my boss actually told me he appreciates the job I'm doing. He actually noticed?

From caffeine heaven....

Blue to the Bone

2004-10-09T02:01:00.000-04:00

That is what I am. I'm having one of the rottenest weeks in quite a while. Here's my sob story....

Work: I'm not even going to go into the details on that....it's too depressing to talk about. Suffice it to say, if you make some positive improvements that other people told you weren't possible....you just get attacked....there's no other way to put it. Am I cynical...you better believe it! I came within a hair's width of quitting my supervising capacity tonight. But I promised myself that I would give it a week so I could take my emotions out of the picture and make a rational decision. Even after hours and hours, the emotion level is pretty high and I'm feeling quite irrational. Maybe I should give it two weeks. One of my keyers told me that they would all probably renege on the commitments they made to key flats if I quit. They aren't going to work for anybody but me. So, of course, I feel a guilt trip coming on. I am just so through with bureaucracy incompetence, and pettiness. At the moment I just want to be a little nobody with no responsibilities. Why can't somebody just pay me to go to school?

School: I have mid-terms every week in the month of October. This is good in that I don't have more than one a week. This is bad in that I have a constant stress level for the month of October. (I can't say that improves my outlook on life at the moment.) Our labs always seem to require more of us than the allotted time allows. This last one was especially bad. We are currently dissecting a mink which is quite fascinating though it raises quite an unpleasant stench. The problem is that we spend so much time quizzing on the previous week's assignment that we don't have enough time to do the current week's assignment. Last week we had to remove the fascia (thin tissue) from the muscles of the hind limb and then identify, cut, and reflect (lay back) some of the surface muscles to see the deeper muscles. Yesterday we had to do the same thing to the head, neck and forelimb. Not only do we have to learn all the muscles of the mink, we also have to learn the muscles of the models of the human. These of course aren't real. :) Did you ever think about the fact that when you eat meat, you are actually eating muscles and maybe some adipose tissue (fat) and blood vessels? I told one of my class mates that the next time I eat a drum stick, I'll have to say, "That sure was some good rectus femoris!" She's the one who told me she is always trying out her new language on her family and friends. She'll say to her mom, "Let me feel your scapula." And to her boyfriend, "Let me hold your phalanges." She gets quite creative in her memorizing.

Health: I've been having terrible migraines so I finally found a chiropracter. I really like this one--even better than the one back in Kentucky. She's much better at pinpointing exact vertebrae that need adjusting. The problem is that since I've moved to Tennessee, I can no longer get coverage for my treatments. Tennessee isn't considered a medically understaffed state like Kentucky is so they don't cover it. That means that my budget is taking quite a hit in the medical department. On the good side, after 2 weeks of treatments, I am free from migraines.

Car: This is the real kicker. I started noticing some strange behaviors. Smoke from under the hood, smells like burnt rubber, hesitations in running, etc. Then Wednesday night on my way home from work, my lights became quite dim, my windows had hardly any power....all the signs of an alternator going bad. This was just before midnight, so I prayed myself home. In the morning I headed for the shop before 7:00 knowing that my lab was at 8:50. I had not touched my mink since dissecting it the week before and I needed some serious study time. If I missed class, not only did I miss my quiz points, I'd also miss the assignment over which we would be quizzed the next week. It was a double whammy waiting to happen. Sure enough, I get to Firestone and they agreed with my suspicions. They would have to hook it up to a computer to read the computer. They would start with the most basic test that would determine if it was the alternator or not. This would cost $20. If it wasn't the alternator, they'd have to run the complete test which would cost $99. If it was the alternator, I was looking at $475-ish. Of course, this was going to take longer than the time I needed to get to class. So I called my friend Tamy and begged a ride to school and my friend Teri who was just getting off of work said she'd stay up and come pick me up after class and take me back to Firestone. As it turns out, not only was my alternator shot, it had also burned up a belt in the meantime and another belt close by was very frayed. (My history with belts is not good.) So Teri and I went to lunch while they spent another two hours replacing those things. I was also informed that my rear brakes are 90% worn and I badly need new bushings on one side of the front end. Oh joy! I refused to let them do it right now. The $613.39 this was costing is enough of a blow to take my breath away. They weren't very approving of my choice to let the brakes go. He said I shouldn't push it for more than a month. The bushings aren't majorly important nor are the hoses that need replacing, but brakes aren't something to mess around with. "Ok", I says, thinking maybe I can push it to two months. On the good side, I get tomorrow off for the holiday. This will be spent frantically studying the chapters I have yet to read for my anatomy mid-term on Monday morning. The same goes for Sunday.

So now that I've unloaded my blues, maybe I can stop feeling sorry for myself.

Will these hurricanes never cease?

2004-09-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

Hurricanes! I'm tired of them already, and my home hasn't even been wiped out by one. They have been wreaking havoc with our customers though. I spoke with one of the Florida supervisors the other night, and he said this time he's leaving. He's going to Las Vegas to forget about hurricanes. We had quite a few plants shut down last night throughout the night, but this time it was the Alabama/Mississippi cities instead of the Florida cities with the exception of Pensacola. From the news, I gather they were hit the hardest so I expect we won't be hearing from them for a while.

I took the day off to study for my two exams tomorrow. The first one is Anatomy. This will be some pretty heavy material since we've already gone through 4 chapters. The first chapter isn't so bad since it's mostly about orientating yourself to the directional terms of the body such as anterior and posterior rather than front and back, etc. The second chapter is giving me the most trouble since we studied the cell structure and functions. There are just so many terms I'm unfamiliar with which makes it difficult. Then we studied the embryo from conception to 8 weeks. That was pretty awesome. And the last chapter was on into tissues. Now if you ask me, that's an awful lot of information to store in my noggin for one test.

My second exam is in my World Civilization class. Here I'm studying the development of early complex societies in Africa, China, India, Egypt, Australia, Indonesia, and the Americas. This will be no multiple choice test. We will be given a term we are to define and then give its historical significance. We will also have to do map identification which will be the easiest part. Then we have to complete an essay. All this within 45 minutes. I'm ready for the everything except the essay, and I don't think I'll ever be ready for one of those.

I was really struggling with frustration and depression this week because I just couldn't seem to get very far this past weekend. I knew that was my only real time to study before the exams. So I went ahead and took some precious annual leave which seems to be dwindling at an alarming rate. I was well into my World Civ when I got an e-mail notifying me that UTC has been shut down as of 3:00 p.m. today and will remain so for tomorrow. It gave further instructions for students staying on campus and what facilities would be available to them and what to do in case of power failure.

In my oblivious state of mind, it never occurred to me that Tennessee could get hit by a hurricane! What's up with that? This isn't Florida. So I start investigating what these people are all up in the air about. It seems the hurricane is making it's way up through Alabama and Georgia and is headed right this way. It started raining this morning as soon as I got to UTC and hasn't let up since. There seems to be a theory that once the eye of this tropical storm gets to Chattanooga, it will proceed to hang here and dump. No sooner had I found all this out than the power went out. Now this is so not conducive to studying since the day is gloomy already. So I lit my candles, grabbed a Sprite, and went out to sit in the dry corner of my deck and read about cells. As you might assume, the power has finally returned, but the rain hasn't let up, nor does it seem it will for the next several days. So if you hear a gurgle, that's me trying to cross Lake Chickamauga on my way to work. At least I have another 4 days to study for my exams. But I sure am perturbed that I wasted my annual leave for this.

My church situation has gotten really interesting the past few weeks. It seems this church doesn't have formal services on Sunday evenings. Instead, they meet in small groups in each other's homes or at the church as the apostles of the early church did. The intention is to promote growth by means of discussion rather than listening to a sermon. I've only been to one twice. The one I was invited to is a bunch of young married couples. It's been interesting to hear their personal take on things including their upbringing in the Church of Christ. Most, if not all, of them have been raised in the traditional strict teachings of their church. This includes "the man is the head--no questions asked" type of setting. And the "no questions asked" was quite literal. One lady told me that once you were married, it wasn't a priority to work on having a good relationship. It didn't really matter if you had one or not, you were just plain stuck. They also touched on the issue of knowing if you're saved or not. I asked for more information on that point since Tamy had told me that they didn't believe you could know--you can only hope you are saved. She really struggles with that one because she didn't think that was right from her own reading in the Bible. Evidently this church does not teach that any more although some of the other churches in the area do. They told me that the other churches won't allow their youth to associate with them because they are the "wild" bunch. This sounds so Mennonite to me!

Another interesting tidbit I found was that some of their people think you shouldn't read certain authors. We are studying from Max Lucado's book--In the Grip of Grace. When one of the older members found out what they are studying, they were horrified. They claimed that Lucado is the very devil. How amusing.

I went to the early service for the first time last Sunday. That was really tough. It starts at 8:30, and I wanted to sleep in so badly! But I was determined I've got to have more study time. So off I went. Naturally, I got snagged into going to Sunday School which I'd been wanting to try anyway. It's just hard to go on your own into a strange place, and Tamy never wanted to go. So I ended up in a women only class. It was really interesting. That night I convinced Tamy to go with me to the small group meeting where they talked us into going to the Sunday school class they go. Any kind of age group or interest you have, they've got a class for it. Then today at UTC, this man walks up to me and just stared at me. So I just stared right back. He asks, "What church do you go to?" I was a bit bewildered because when people usually ask me questions, it's more like, "What's that thing on your head for?" or "What religion are you?", but not "What church do you go to?" So I said, "You mean here in Chattanooga?" which is what he was after. So I told him, and he said he thought so. Turns out he goes there and, of course, he's seen me. He also teaches the singles Sunday school class and wanted me to come. But it's supposed to be for 18 to 30-year-old singles. They have another one for singles over 30. So I think I'll pass on his invitation even though he seems to think I'd fit right in. After all, I'm a student just like they are. Yeah right!

I shall bring this saga to an end and return to cells with their organelles and various functions that each performs.

Will this suffering never cease?

2004-08-28T16:20:00.000-04:00

How long does it take a body to adjust to sleep deprivation?

My dear father seems to think a person doesn't need to sleep beyond 5:00 a.m. According to various sources, the prevailing opinion seems to be that a person needs less sleep as he/she gets older. My body must be getting younger and younger all the time. I declare this time around the adjustment is far more difficult than any other time. It takes super-human effort to roll out of that bed every morning at 6:00 a.m. I feel like a total druggie until my second class at 9:00. Then I seem to function a little better but still in a haze. At work, it's all I can do to drag myself around which I have to do quite a bit of in my current supervisory capacity. It may be a good thing that I have that position at this time, for I fear that if I were just keying, I'd be asleep in minutes.

Last night I waged a war with my conscience on the issue of how late I could sleep this morning. I thought I should be allowed to sleep as late as my body wanted, but I feared I'd sleep all my time away so I set my alarm for 10:00. I thought I'd maybe wake up before that since I've been rising at such an early hour the rest of the week. At 7:00 on the dot, I awoke in a pure panic wondering why my alarm hadn't gone off. It was a delightful sigh of relief that I remembered it was a beautiful Saturday morning and I dropped right back into the land of slumber. I didn't awake again until my alarm went off and even then, I still felt like a druggie.

Again, I ask, will this suffering never cease?

I've also discovered that as the homework load increases, the urge to do domestic tasks such as cooking also increases. Is there a correllation there? Could it be called avoidance or procrastination?

The world of fresh vegetables has been calling to me. I've been eyeing those attractive yellow squash every time I go shopping. But I knew I didn't have the time. Then we had a birthday celebration for one of the supervisors at work and I was supposed to bring a vegetable dish. Since I've been craving squash casserole, I decided to take the plunge even though I've never made it before. Do you know that of all the Mennonite cookbooks I have, there is not one recipe for squash casserole? That is such a shame. I had to resort to the internet. Even though it turned out quite good and was a real hit with my co-workers, it didn't taste quite the way I thought squash casserole should. So if any of you have a recipe for it, bring it on. I've also been cooking new potatoes as of late. Is there anything better than new potatoes and fresh tomatoes for a meal? I do love summer.

It seems that my textbook purchases are still not complete though I'm up to $500 already. My used music book came with an introductory CD which has various pieces that we must listen to and be able to recognize for quizzes and exams. Alas, mine has some severe glitches in it so I've decided to take my textbook back and exchange it for a new one. I'm already cringing. In addition, we must purchase a 6 volume CD set for the same purpose. It will cost me an additional $75. And here I thought that I could budget about $300 for books. OUCH!

On the topic of buying textbooks....after my first day of class, I headed to the bookstore to buy some additional books I had missed. It seemed every student on campus was also doing the same thing. So I got in a line that wrapped around the store. Fortunately, there were lots of registers, but I was still in line for about 20 minutes. As I got closer to the registers, there were some of those poles and ropes to direct the lines. On several of the poles were these little signs. As I got close enough, I started reading them. They were instructions on purchasing your books such as "If you are purchasing with a check, have your ID available" and "If you are purchasing with your MOCS card (student ID), you must have book points available" and "If you are purchasing with a credit card, you must have your credit card." I thought, "Now what idiot would be purchasing with a credit card without the credit card." No sooner had the thought entered my head than I went hot from head to toe. I realized that I had not stopped at my car for my purse before coming into the book store! So here I was in a line that was all roped in with 50+ students behind me and 50+ ahead of me and no way out. Since I wasn't about to shove my way ahead or behind, I just waited until I came to the head of the line and ducked out. I just pretended I had forgotten something (which I had) and meandered back into the aisles of books. I left my pile with the help desk and went after my purse. Serves me right for thinking such unkind thoughts about forgetful idiots!

I've been having a bout of extreme back pain and my overloaded backpack was not making matters any better. So I weighed it to see how much extra baggage I was actually carrying around. It turned out to be 21.7 lbs and I thought shure it would be about 50!

I must go tend to my domestic chores and get ready for work. Since I got no studying done this morning, I have a hefty workload for tomorrow and Monday.

Suffering and sleep-deprived in Chattanooga

First Impressions

2004-08-24T00:18:00.000-04:00

The dreaded first day of facing new people is over. I don't think I'll ever get over that no matter how many times I do it. I stuggled with it to the point that I had a hard time sleeping last night. I did finally fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning and woke to covers that showed much evidence of tossing and turning. The small classes are worse than the large ones because then I KNOW every eye is on me. At least with the large classes I can attempt to convince myself that I'm lost in the crowd. I have 2 such large classes this semester.

I've formed my first impressions of the classes and the professors. It will be interesting to see if first impressions hold up. It's hard to withhold those snap judgments even though past experiences have led me to realize that I may very likely change my opinion. For instance, I went into my chemistry class at WKU totally dreading it, and my first impression did nothing to allay that dread. But I ended up thoroughly enjoying that class. On the other hand, I went into my chemistry class at UTC anticipating the same kind of experience and was sorely disappointed.

My first class was anatomy. This is the first time I have a female professor. She is a little on the elderly side of life...probably upper 50's. She isn't just bursting with energy, but I'm not sure if one can be when teaching about all those body parts. She definitely isn't familiar with the effects of gravity upon dry-erase markers. As is the inclination of most people when writing something higher than one's shoulder, she kept the tip at the high point rather than the low point. She promptly starting throwing one marker after another in the trash. Knowing how costly those markers are, I cringed every time another one bit the dust, for if I were a betting person, I'd bet they have plenty of life in them if only they were tilted so that gravity would draw the ink toward the tip rather than away from it. I may have to advise her on that point before class next time. She also had us fill out a paper with our particulars...name, contact info, major, etc. Then she proceeded to call out all 90 plus names on her roster which took almost the rest of the class period. But even though she doesn't seem the most efficient person, and didn't have a rapport with her electronic equipment, she does seem likely a kindly lady. Time will tell.

After that I was off to my English class--Rhetoric and Composition. Now this class will truly be the bane of my existence for I thoroughly dislike writing. I came hurried up to the door wondering if all the good seats would be taken. I screeched to a stop in the doorway for it seemed the class was in session even though it was a full 5 minutes from start time. Most seats were filled, and a lady was at the front speaking. Of course, much to my horror, she stopped in mid-sentence, and all eyes turned my way. Casting my eyes desperately about for a seat, I was at the same time wondering if this was the wrong class. So I feebly asked amid the silence and stares if this was English 122. The lady assured me it was, so I humbly climbed over people to the nearest available seat. The lady finished her sentence about somebody needing to go to some other room and left the room. Everybody sat in deathly silence until this guy comes huffing and puffing into the room with a motorcycle helmet under his arm. I was much comforted to have this momentary diversion. And there we sat in total silence until about 15 minutes past time to start. At 15 minutes after on the dot, half the class arose and filed out. Those left behind started talking here and there. The room gradually emptied out, and I too finally gave up waiting at 30 minutes past. So I have no first impressions of that professor except to wonder if there even is one. My class schedule only lists the professor as staff. It is my understanding that graduate students often fill those positions.

I was grateful that I had a little extra time to find my way to my next class. I didn't want to experience that arrival to a full room again. Not one of my 4 classes were in the same building, and I only have 10 minutes between classes to reach the next destination. Fortunately, I only have one hill to slow and it's nothing like a WKU hill. There is one hill that they call "cardiac hill" which leaves you sucking wind a bit, but I just smile and think about my sisters making their daily cardiac rounds.

The next class I met up with another "adult" student who promptly latched onto me proclaiming that I'm her "person." She always has to have a "person" in her class and I'm it. She proceeded to give my her life story including her latest internet romance with a man from Louisville whom she just met last weekend in Nashville.

This class happens to be my music appreciation class. This class also has a female professor who isn't in the least afraid of facing over 100 students. I think I'll like this class, but one never knows. I had to pay 25 bucks for 2 CDs that are used! And that is in addition to the $48 I spent on the textbook. I think that's totally outrageous! I shall peruse half.com this evening and see if I can't find them cheaper. The cool thing is that we are required to go to at least 3 concerts. Now I won't have to feel guilty for taking off of work since it's mandatory. The sad thing is that I'll either have to burn some annual leave or take leave without pay. I wonder if I could just call in sick.

My 4th and final class was World Civilization. I really have mixed feelings about this class. It is the first of three I have to take to fulfill one of my general education requirements. I chose World Civ rather than Western Civ because I thought maybe I'd learn something about some of those places I plan to go one day like Africa and Asia or maybe India. This first of the three will be the worst one because it is the time period of the "beginning" to 1000. Now how does one deal with material that is in direct contradiction to ones own beliefs? Fortunately only the first chapter deals with the 15 million years during which man evolved from an ape. But I have come face to face with the concepts of Neandertals and Cro-Magnons and Australopithecines and hominids during the paleolithic and neolithic eras to which my sheltered Christian education never exposed me. That, along with the concept that large portions of the earth was covered in ice which receded over time, makes a person's head swim.

To top off this wonderful class, the professor tells us in no uncertain terms that this is a difficult class. Mostly because we will be studying cultures that are totally foreign to us. Most of our focus will be on Asia, India, and the Mediterranean societies. We will be facing a lot of names we won't know how to pronounce along with religions that are totally foreign to us. Of course, this was exactly why I picked this option for my history requirement, but I hadn't considered that the unfamiliarity of the cultures would also make it more difficult to learn about. I'm totally withholding judgment on this professor. He's not normal, that's for certain. Whether that's a good thing or bad thing....who knows. He has these really deep, deep-set, peircing blue eyes and they seem to be almost rimmed in black. The eyes along with the way he paced very stiffly around the front of the class reminded me very much of a mime. He didn't make much eye contact and seemed very ill at ease. I totally had a hard time concentrating on what he was saying at first because I couldn't get past his mannerisms. Then I had the distinct impression that he has a German background because he pronounces his v's as f's. It makes me totally curious.

So with much anticipation and trepidation, I start off another semester in academia.

Catching up

2004-08-09T14:26:00.000-04:00

Somehow I stopped doing updates during my June semester. I guess I thought I was too busy at one time; and when I stopped, it was just hard to start up again. But I've found this is sort of a journal for me and helps me put my life in perspective.

I managed to get through my June semester with A's in both of my classes--Psych 101 and Math. The Math was very interesting and easy so I didn't have to study at all. The Psych was mostly interesting, but I dreaded those essays and I had to do a lot of reading and cramming.

I had to go for my orientation on Saturday. I thought it was kind of useless for me since I've already been attending for 2 semesters. But I did learn some stuff about what was available to me. One interesting twist was thatthis was Adult Orientation for those above 25. I was amazed how many people showed up. I'm guessing around 90 people. I think that's great and makes me feel a little better about being older than the average college student. If little gray-haired ladies can do this, surely I can! Another intriguing thing I found out was about the international program they have. I'm definitely going to check into that one because there is oportunity to study in almost any country you desire. How cool would that be? It certainly merits much consideration to scratch my travel itch.

My classes this semester will be Anatomy and the lab that goes with it, Introduction to Music, English 122 (I'm dreading that one), and World Civilization I. I've arranged so all my classes take place on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, except my Anatomy lab. It looks like we'll be dissecting a mink for that lab.

My weight loss program has been very up and down. I know it's totally a matter of getting very serious about it. I do well for about a week, then along comes a weekend. It seems the days I have off, I always find some reason to eat stuff I shouldn't. Tamy and I went to work out yesterday afternoon in our fitness center here at the apartments. She's started this workout she heard Barbara Walters talk about called the power of 10. You are supposed to do 8 reps of 5 or 6 different exercises in which you take 20 seconds to do each rep--10 seconds to contract and 10 seconds to release. You follow a routine of either once or twice a week. You have to use weights that are lighter than you would normally use because you just can't take very much of it going that slowly. It makes your muscles quiver and burn! After I got back to my apartment, it was a total struggle to lift my arms! I am still feeling it this morning, but at least I feel like I have my strength back.

The all-consuming event of July was my brother Alvin's wedding to Doretta Schrock from Maryland. I used the first several weeks to catch up on some much-needed sewing. I've got 7 new dresses to show for it and I hope to get at least one more done before school starts again. I'm sure I won't get any done after that. On the 21st I flew to DC and Alvin picked me up on his way up to Maryland. The rest of the siblings drove up by that evening. It took them 13 hours. I was so glad not to have to sit for that long. It was the first time I hadflown since 9/11 and I was surprised at how well things went. The security check points are much more complicated, of course, but they moved quite rapidly.

Thursday we went over to the reception place and set up all the tables and chairs, covered them all with plastic table cloths and set them. We also set up the bridal tables, covered them with linen table cloths, set them withDoretta's china, and decorated the front and sides with swags made of real ivy twisted with lights and wrapped in white toole. After a little trouble with not getting the arch they had rented, we ended up with a trellis arch and no idea how to decorate it. So we just started messing around with it and ended up using fake ivy, toole, and lights on it that looked really nice. We also put some real ivy down the center of the guest tables. The center pieces for the guest tables were large glass vases with marble stones on the bottom with goldfish and floating daisies. Her flowers were daisies and white roses. The appetizers consisted of punch and pretzels and mints and the main meal was roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, salad, green beans, dinner rolls, cake and ice cream.

I thought the wedding was very lovely and of course, being the emotional sort, I cried. I was pretty sure I was going to and in our discussions beforehand, my sisters thought maybe we could keep from crying by just focusing onthe nieces and nephews to come. Didn't work! It is going to seem strange to think I've got a sister-in-law since this is the first time for our family.

After their honeymoon in Gatlinburg, TN, Alvin and Doretta came to Kentucky for a reception there. They couldn't invite very many from Kentucky becausethey had to keep the guests under 300 due to the limited capacity. They ended up with around 260 at the wedding and 150 at the reception in Kentucky.

Along with all the excitement of the occasion, there was the emotional let down after it was all over. It's totally thrilling to see my brother find somebody to share his life with, but at the same time, it is a strong reminder that I'm still single at 33 with absolutely no prospects. I try hard to be content with the life God has given me, but it is occasions such as these that make me feel very lonely. But soon I'll be too busy to think about it.